I feel like i am being bought????????????property?/?

Question

My bf and i have been together three years i am 22 and he is 26 years old.His family is well off to put it lightly and he went to hardvard . I went to rutgers and then NYU and my family is upper middle class hard working.Recently we have started to talk about marriage but i am not really sure.He travels a lot and is obsessed with his job and we do not spend that much time together anymore. He buys me expensive bags, jewelry, new car for my b-day this year, and gives me his credit card when i go shopping.I have a job and it makes me feel usless when he pays for everything but if i say anything he get offended. He told me when we get married i need to change my wardrobe, find new friends, and take an etiquette classes to prefect my skills.Whenever we go out i feel like i am on parade and being spoken to as if i were a child.He never used to be like this and now i feel like i cant talk to him or i dont know how?I feel guilty for having feelings for another guy.

Why cant i be happy when he gives me anything i want?

Answer 1

Love affection trust respect etc.... make you feel good.

Stuff and money don't!

Go with your heart!

Answer 2

At first I thought to myself, I wish I had your problem... to some extent that's true, we're barely scraping by with 3 kids and a ton of debt, but then I can still say that I understand you because I'm kinda in the same situation with my brother in law. He's doing pretty well financially and I always feel like it's always them giving us things, paying for stuff for us. It makes you feel really worthless to be in a situation where you're always getting stuff. To some degree it's also selfish of the person doing the giving to feel good about themselves giving while the other person feels more of a sense of indebtedness.
I say if you sense that this person's character is a problem, then take a step back and really try to figure out why you're having feelings for another person... maybe it's a hint... Sometimes we're in situations where we just know something is wrong but can't quite put our finger on what the problem is.
The thing about him getting offended, well, I'd say that's a red flag. Maybe you're not religious, but in my Bible it says clearly that love is not easily offended.
And don't feel bad about getting all that stuff... for a person who is well off, giving things is not making a big sacrifice. A person who has next to nothing, and still gives, now that kind of giving means sacrifice. Take care of yourself, because you will be living with your decisions possibly for a long long time.
Don't talk yourself into doing something that you're having misgivings about. The human heart is pretty wicked, so be careful if you're thinking about following your heart, but there are times when it does give you good hints.
Sorry if I'm rambling... I have so much to say and not enough time to formulate an elegant answer, but I feel for you.

Answer 3

Well, it's obvious that he's NOT giving you everything you want. Money and stuff is nice, no doubt - but it's hardly "everything". If you feel this way now, it's only going to get worse as time goes by. Give it some thought, and figure out if you can be ok with this situation for years to come. If not - do not marry this person. You're young, and there's a lot ahead of you. You will meet someone else eventually.

Answer 4

It is clear that your bf is trying to dominate here, playing the alpha type personality.
He is rich and well educated and it seems that you are interested in climbing the social ladder. So if you wanna your relationship to work, you gotta talk to him about what bothers you. Tell him that you don't like the way he treats you. Yes you gotta have the nerves to say that. Then try to reach some compromise. You change a little and he gotta change too. If it works fine then you may go on with this relationship. Otherwise, you are not a good fit of each other.

Answer 5

Gril, let me tell you something, if i had it to do all over again (no current husband or kids) I would whip your a s s for not being happy. Are you kidding all they money and stuff in the world I wanted just to dress up and play house. And he's never even home. I'd do it in a heart beat while I got mine form they sexy pool boy on the down low. You gotta learn to play your cards right, but if true love is waht your after(if there is such a thing) then dump him and find a struggling writer or someone else to make you happy. Good luck.

Answer 6

I actually encountered the same thing so I can totally relate. My ex fiance (notice the term EX) laid out the "Will you marry me?" And soon after he threw out rules and regulations that were required to fit into his family and their entourage.

I loved him but not at the expense of pimping myself as a showgirl to fit into this self-imposed 'image' that he and his family had created. So I called it off. I knew had I carried through I would have been miserable and constantly having to alter myself to the latest demand or request to live up to the family image.

You have to decide what it is that you want. You mention a lot of the material items that the gentleman has bought for you but you've never mentioned anything that resembles a true genuine love. If you don't mind changing yourself all for the sake of him then that's your choice...but I surely hope you don't think that these requests that he's kicking out now...will be his last. The party is just beginning.

Answer 7

If you truly loved him, none of this would bother you. If he has gone into a professional career, then he may want you to go to the etiquette classes to avoid embarrassing yourself, or feeling inferior. If you know everything the high brows know, then nothing is going to surprise you.
If you have feelings for someone else, then end it now, either with this new guy or with your fiancee, before everyone gets hurt. Money or no money, marriage is built on friendship if you don't feel that with him then move on.

Answer 8

You are being bought, and now he wants to totally change what he bought. For some reason you have become a possession rather than a person to him, and some where in his thinking you are no longer the object of his affection, so he needs to change you to his liking, and again his thinking you have gone along with all previous things he has done , so will not understand you getting upset at this improvement

Answer 9

Because you can have anything you want from him except one thing....respect as an equal in a relationship...thats why.

Money can't buy happiness. On the other hand it can rent it for awhile though.

Why not hook up with me? Give me all these lovely gifts and I can assure you you'll be treated as my equal. Fair enough? If not...could you at least get me something nice as a gift for this sagely advice? Oh...and I seriously doubt you need etiquette lessons. I'd be terribly insulted if someone said that to me.

Answer 10

Because materials possessions do not feed the soul. Are you new?!? I'd take a broke @ss man who loved and respected and cherished me over some guy who buys me every thing but obviously thinks that I'm not good enough in any way other than my looks and sex. Thats not companionship, its ownership.
Give me someone I can grow old with and still be best friends and laugh when we're 80.

Answer 11

i am in the same boat honey i fill the sam dam way my boyfriend just also bought me a new car and pays for every thing i no what u fill right now but u also love the guy really try to talk to him don't just keep going with the program or he will think everything is okay! and don't just get up and leave with another man talk it out first... a rebound guy is not the answer...