Why,,, why,,, why,,, in teenagers' dance competition, do the kids & parents have to be so mean and hateful?

Question

Seriously, my daughter has done competitive dance and gymnastics for eight years (she is 14 now). She usually does get very good parts in the group dances; she usually dances in the front line (often center), but my, the other parents and other kids get so hateful and mean about it, if they do not get good parts. My daughter does deserve to be in the front and center because she is very talented and has placed in the top ten overall at nationals for her solo dances for many years now, so these other kids and parents must know that she deserves it, but why is there so much hate and competition, even within your own dance studio? Why do people have to be that way???? Especially when these are other girls are competing with my daughter in these same group dances, against other dance studios? These parents need to be role models for the students, to teach them that it is a group effort and to stop being so catty. I've often even seen these parents fight amongst each other!

Answer 1

Without even realizing it, parents are teaching their kids the skill of survival: act as if you were the best no matter what your skill is. If you imagine for a second that they will line up according to their places there would be not much competition in a job market. I don't blame them for it at all. Plus, every parent sees their kid as the most wonderful, adoreable and absolute best in all regards.

However, if this behavior gets out of control, I think it is the teachers that are to blame. Teachers are in the best position to discourage it. Ballroom teachers actually manage to "even out" the attitude in partners. Very often, one partner in a couple is slightly more advanced, or has an attitude of a more advanced. With younger people, you can see very often that the stronger one becomes pushy and critical of his/her partner. This is when teachers step in and point out a couple of mistakes in the stronger dancer so that he/she can humble down just a little and get to work. Good for the dancer, good for the partnership, good for the overall attitude in the studio. I know you're not talking about ballroom, but I'm sure teachers could do somethign similar. If the teacher plays it right, the students (and parents) will be happy to accept the part they were assigned, rather than being whiny and otherwise annoying.

Answer 2

I have danced competitivly, since I was five. First thing is when you are dancing competitivly, the people you are dancing with alot of the time you see them as competition if you see them as better then you. Thats the way dance is at studios and in the real world. I have been in both best of the class and not the best in the class I have been front and center and I have been in the back. Alot of parents and students don't find it far when one child is all ways front and center, because we all pay the same amount of money to be on the team we all put in the same amount of hours and work just as hard and some people maybe more gifted then others but that does not mean that noone eles should get a chance to shine. I don't believe that the child that is the best in the class should be treated any differently then all the other students, I don't think it is far that the get picked on by there teammates the did not ask to be front and center there were put there, and I know teachers want to show case there best students. But it is very frusting when you work your butts off in the studio and think your getting better and yet still end up in the back every time. Dance is one of the worst sports for this, The teamamtes can get overly mean somtimes, and yes the parents should be better rold models but parents also get frusted when the put in so much time money and effort and ever time see there child in the back and the same girl front and center everyone is good at some part of dance and the teachers should showcase everyones talents even just for a couple of seconds, just to make all the dancers feel like a real team and not just back up dancers to one or two of the best girls. Ever dancer wants to feel like all eyes are on them, and that the deserve to be there and that all there hard work has payed off. Truthfully I don't totally blaim the parents or students I blame the teachers. It shared one you are one of the best dancer and you work really hard and get that front and center and the rest of your teammates look down on you, but you and your daughter need to just keep your heads up enjoy dancing and watching her dance and not worry about how the other teammates feel about u cause when it comes down to it the only thing that matters and the one thing ever teammate has in common is the love for dance. Its a hard thing dance because you spend soo many hours with the same people and its hard one everyone thinks your the teachers pet, and in a perfect world we would all just be a team that is happy just to be around eachother and share the love of dance. but its not a perfect world so people are going to be jeolouse and mad that you are the top. thats just dance, and thats the part of dance that sucks, but if you love it more then anything then how your teammates feel wont matter the only thing that matter is that you get to dance, either in thr front or the back just as long as your dancing. i hope this helped you in someway its just the way i have always looked at it and i have been dancing for 17 years. and truthfully it doesn't get any better, so see this as learning how to make it in the real world, but the only thing that truly matters is the love in your daughters hearts for dance if she can keep that alive nothing eles will matter.

Answer 3

This behavior isn't limited to dance competions. It is seen in sports, and nearly any activities children and or adults compete in. It's even been on TV how parents really do fight with each other and with the children. The important thing is for the children to have fun and not be made feel inferior. The best performers and usually the older students should be examples for the younger ones to admire and try to become as good as they are. Some parents try to live through their children. Some parents just want the cream of the crop for their kids and nothing else will do. They need to reconsider their stand and make sure the child is enjoying himself. "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." Some people were never trained up. They were left to fend for themselves and don't know proper behavior.

Answer 4

I think it's kind of ironic that you say "My daughter does deserve to be in the front and center because she is very talented ....so these other kids and parents must know that she deserves it." It's sounds like you're saying all the kids and parents should bow down and out and let her rule. Maybe the other kids aren't as perfect as your kid, but other parents want their kids to have a chance to shine, too. It IS a group effort, so maybe your daughter needs to encourage the ones you feel are less talented, rather than expect to steal the show each time. If she "usually gets very good parts" why can't another child enjoy the spotlight for a change?

Answer 5

People act this way for many reasons. They want to win, they want to be the first, and they want to achieve the most. Especially when it comes to games and competitions. People can get ruthless with competing with others. When the parents put their kids in a sports team or anything that is a competition… They always are blindsided of winning (they turn selfish) and forget that this is for their children.

I think the only reason why they are mean to your daughter is jealousy. They think they deserve more then your kid. However, there is always going to be those kinds of people around the world. Thinking they are better then everyone else.

All you have to do is be a good mother, and be there for your daughter. In addition, make sure she is enjoying herself because that is all that matters.

Answer 6

Parent's live their dreams through their children and push them to be the greatest and get their name out there. Once when my friend got selected for a dance group to go to Orlando with me and this one girl's mother was really upset. She came into the bathroom when we were in there and started yelling at us that we were doing this on purpose to ruin her and her daughter. Then she started to put a hand on my friend and I got her mom. Then it started this big brawl between the mothers and they were even pulling each others hair. The police had to be called! It is ridiculous. But when you are in a room full of women who are very competitive, these things happen. It's bad when all the kids are friends and the parents are so rude! It drives me mad. Now, many of the dancers I have danced with in the past are mothers and they are doing the same thing their mothers did, so competitive and fierce! I don't think that is they way to go. But it's what happens.

It's funny, I got this on the math team too! This one mother was always like "Oh, well you have Chris on your team you still have a chance". And I'm like, hello, there are 7 places and we are the last to be called, WE LOST. It's nuts.

Answer 7

I am in many sports like volley ball, basketball , and track and field and every year i find that the parents are very rude. Just like how you described in dance competitions. In sports parents get angry if their child is not in the starting line up, or if thier child gets taken off the court..and often if their child is called by a reff. the parents feel the need to comment on the call..i guess parents just want to see their child suceed but they sometimes get a little out of hand and rude.

Answer 8

It is good to be in a lead position and that is where all the dancers were headed and your daughter got a very good position in the light for her talent to shine that is good yet, were would center stage be without competition, something to nudge another yet higher on that pedestal of recognition for the world to see. and why do they all push cram snip and all that negative stuff, after all, one was chosen from many.one win many loose, at least for the moment.

Answer 9

Well, that is what you call "competition". Then again, the parents probably live vicariously through their children... and unfortunately their attitudes get passed on to their kids... talk about being a good role model! Life is a competition... the nature of the beast (humans) are to step on others to get ahead... sucks!

Answer 10

Sometimes parents want whats best for their children, even if they're not thinking about they way they're acting. Some parents may even be trying to relive their lives through their children and wont settle for anything less than the best. Thats the nature of competition, ergo the nature of life....just have to deal with it.