my fiancee is careless with her money. . .?

Question

she has no concept of how much money she spends, where she spends it and what bills she should be paying and when. she's now overdrafted her checking account twice in two months, the first time it happened i advanced her $125 (which she still can't afford to pay me back yet). we're going to get married, i don't want this to come between us. she doesn't do it on purpose, she's just ignorant on finance management. I really want to just demand to take over all of our finances and take control of her accounts, but she also needs to learn this for herself and grow up, she has a horrible pride-streak that prevents her from seeking help on her own. please help

we had a very long discussion about this issue last night. she has agreed to get help from my step-father (a 10-year accountant) and we have decided we need to sell one of our vehicles (see my question is buying&selling autos). I believe we're on the right track to rectifying and preventing future a occurrences. The issue i foresee is sticking to what ever plan we develop. we both work full time jobs, she has a second part time job and i'm in college full time also, it's a struggle of balancing when we can et things accomplished.

Answer 1

One thing you might want to consider is taking a class together on how to manage finances. Also you can check out banks that offer some sort of overdraft protection; like if you have a savings account you can link it to your checking account, and if you overdraft they just take it out of your savings. If you do decide to take over the finances give your fiancee an "allowance." Keep out like $20 a week that she can go and spend like she wants it. Also keep in mind to not be a tight wad. It's ok to splurge a little if the bills are paid and you have some money left over. Remind her that keeping the bills paid increases your credit and that will help you in the future to buy a house if you haven't bought one already.

Answer 2

Don't trick yourself playa! In many states, if she defaults on her loans, debt etc YOU WILL GET STUCK WITH IT! Make her get her business in order BEFORE YOU JUMP THE BROOM!

I learned this the hard way. My wife also suffers from not having any clue when it comes to spending money. I fed her habit by continuously giving her money. Every time I turned around, she was right back where she was.

I created a budget for her and proved on paper if she just stuck to the plan, she would be in the black by the end of this year. Instead of to me, she totally disregarded my plan. She's now approximately 10,000 in debt, has zero savings and has started a second job. I know it's killing her but I'm not giving her any more money.

Also think about if you do get married and you a taking care of all the money. What if you get sick and she has to take care of paying the bills (even if you have more than enough money in the bank to pay everything for a couple of years). If she has not learned how to take care of money, you'll be broke and homeless (and SICK!).

Think about my story and make sure you know what you're getting into.

Answer 3

And you want to marry her...ok, but know that it is not going to be easy. You don't say how old you two are but I'm going to assume you are young (early twenties) Opposites attract, you sound like you are more responsible. You are going to have to be the strong one. Did you know money problems is the #1 cause of divorce? If she is not grown up enough not to spend money she doesn't have, doesn't that raise a RED FLAG? She has a horrble pride streak...RED FLAG. You say you don't want this to come between you...IT WILL. You will have to DEMAND to manage the finances. Untill she grows up, there isn't much else you can do. You can't let her ruin your credit. She should be grown up enough to see that she has a problem. She should want you to do what is best for BOTH of you. If she doesn't you have to seriously think about if she is ready for marriage. It ain't easy pal, it's even harder when you are stupid. Ya know?

Answer 4

Dear Nic W.:
You're going to marry her? Good luck. Some of the responses you've gotten should have given you a clue. What you see now is what you will be married to then. These problems don't go away. Yes, they can be cured but you've already thrown the cure away by identifying her streak of pride. You can be sure this will become a bigger problem once you have tied the knot. But if you're like the majority of guys, including me, you've made a promise and don't want to go back on your word, so you'll marry her. Again, good luck. But the problem will grow and with it, I hope your patience, long-suffering and will to do good grow, too. Personally, I don't see it happening. I hate to sound like the prophet of doom, but you're heading for a long tunnel of very dark travel. At the end of which, the only light may be bancruptcy.

zeke

Answer 5

This is going to sound harsh, but you need to make her financial responsibility a condition of getting married. This is something that will ruin a marriage, and ruin YOUR credit. You say she does not do this on purpose, but how hard is it to figure out that you can't write checks for more money than you have in your account? It might be a good idea for both of you to sit down with a financial planner, and discuss how your finances will be handled after marriage. Good luck.

Answer 6

If you are getting married then you should share everything. None of the mine and yours stuff. If you combine your accounts, then it would be silly for you to put yourself and your very important credit rating in jeopardy. Talk talk talk about everything before you get married. This is a biggie! Tell her you would like to take over paying the bills. Have her check directly deposited into the account and then TEACH her how to be more responsible. If she has to be on an allowance for awhile, so be it. It is time to grow up. If she is unwilling to work on this problem, you might rethink the marriage. Money is a major issue. Best of luck to you and your lady.

Answer 7

Discuss this with her and if possible sit down after she gets paid and help her with bill statements etc. Decide now who will be responsible for paying bills after your married, but work as a team as soon enough your incomes will be as one. My fiance has been going a bit crazy with her spending also, but it is all for wedding preparation and perhaps your fiance is doing the same due to the excitement. Communicate your feelings though as that will be the number one thing in your relationship, communication not cash, and as such you must be comfortable talking about things now also. Best of luck on your marriage, your helping with fiance's spending habits and life in general.

Answer 8

from experience I will tell you that "talk to her about it" DOES NOT WORK. Someone who is rather casual about their financial obligations is very likely to be casual about their committment to "change" as well.

my husband had significantly more cash and assets than I did when we married. he adopted an invisible pre-nup to protect his stash in case I should out to "use him" like his 1st wife did. he went thru money like it was water, buying new cars every year, blowing it on new guns and expensive hunting trips etc.

Now he's got bad credit and owes a huge tax bill for 2003 when we weren't even married. but now that we are, i get to watch the money go out the door for all the stuff he got into years ago. his promises to be responsible once we got married were all bs.

i get to file married separate, a killer tax rate to me, just to be safe from the reckless crap he does.

Is this a life you are willing to accept? Talk is cheap, action is what you need. It WILL affect you, it IS your business what she does with her money.

Answer 9

Don't marry her. And if you're foolish enough to marry her get a pre-nup and maintain separate bank accounts.People like her seldom change and if you marry you will be responsible for her debts. Be smart and just don't do it. P.S. all the talk and promises don't mean $hit, a proven track record is what speaks the truth.

Answer 10

This is a serious issue. If she's doing this kind of damage to her own credit, she will do it to yours after you're married. It would not be out of line for you to postpone the wedding until some progress has been made in this area -- and if she doesn't change, that's a valid reason for calling the wedding off.