my fiancee is careless with her money. . .?

Question

she has no concept of how much money she spends, where she spends it and what bills she should be paying and when. she's now overdrafted her checking account twice in two months, the first time it happened i advanced her $125 (which she still can't afford to pay me back yet). we're going to get married, i don't want this to come between us. she doesn't do it on purpose, she's just ignorant on finance management. I really want to just demand to take over all of our finances and take control of her accounts, but she also needs to learn this for herself and grow up, she has a horrible pride-streak that prevents her from seeking help on her own. please help

we had a very long discussion about this issue last night. she has agreed to get help from my step-father (a 10-year accountant) and we have decided we need to sell one of our vehicles (see my question is buying&selling autos). I believe we're on the right track to rectifying and preventing future a occurrences. The issue i foresee is sticking to what ever plan we develop. we both work full time jobs, she has a second part time job and i'm in college full time also, it's a struggle of balancing when we can et things accomplished.

Answer 1

My Mom gave me the best advice a long time ago: "Never enter into a long term relationship with someone if your happiness is based on the other person becoming something they are not now. " Since money is one of the most common reasons for marital discord and even divorce, you need to sit her down and talk to her about what is going to happen once you are married. Will you have a joint checking account, or will you have separate accounts? Will she keep working, and if she does, will her money be her own, or how much will each of you contribute to the household? Who will be responsible for paying the bills so that you don't end up getting your electricity turned off, or losing your home? Can you put her on a budget? Will she accept you taking over all the finances to prevent overdrafts, which are expensive and can trash your credit rating as well as hers? What will happen if she continues to do this after you are married? You are right, she needs to learn to manage her money better, and you should stop bailing her out and make her face the consequences. You are teaching her to take advantage of you, and if you don't put a stop to it, you will be paying all the bills while she spends all the money she can on unnecessary things. I'll bet she could have paid you back, she has just chosen to spend her money on other things first. Sooner or later, you are going to resent her perfect nails and the new outfit she sports while still owing you money. You need to make her pay you back, even if it is only $20 every 2 weeks, or whatever she can afford. Work this out now before you get married, or you probably won't be married for long. My suggestion: put her on a cash budget. Take away her checks and credit cards, so she can't spend money she doesn't have. Once she learns to manage her money that way, gradually reintroduce checks and credit cards, as long as she stays within her budget. It won't be pleasant, but better to solve this now, even if it means breaking up, than to find out after you are married that she can't be reformed. Good Luck!!

Answer 2

Well, congrats on having the discussion. If you two are to get married, you need to be able to communicate.

Money is one of the largest issues for fighting in marriages. Getting a handle on it now will help. You should both run your credit reports and compare.

There's nothing wrong with having one person in a household handle the day-to-day bills and budgeting. Sort out her bills with her, have her cut you a check twice a month, and you pay the bills. Give her a CASH allowance and don't let her run around with credit cards and checkbooks. And you do the same yourself, since it won't work if it's just her on an allowance. Sock the rest into savings, hopefully when she sees the money growing, she'll better understand why it's so important to control your spending.

Answer 3

It is hard especially when getting married you may just sit her down and tell her you want to make it easier on yourselves and go to one checkbook and that neither one of you will carry you will keep it in a lock box take it out once a month or so to do bills. Tell her that you are putting 3/4 of your check in this account and she should do the same. Then both of you need to have a savings account and many can have visa check card so she does not feel totally out of the loop and because this way she can still have money to spend on things without having to ask. The same with you tell her this way you will see how much is left over and maybe you can plan on a trip or something together to do with the money even if it is a dinner and a movie together something enjoy and love each other and this is one way to try to have a loving partnership without treatting her as a child or having her managed.

Answer 4

You should have a serious talk with her about finances before your marriage and talk about who will take what role in money management. My husband and I established a budget that we adhere to. I have a certain amount of money each month to pay for food, medicine, entertainment (movies usually) and regular monthly purchases. I am also in charge of paying the monthly bills. My husband manages our investments and pays any debts that we have like credit cards, car payments and the mortgage. It works out well for us.

Communication is the key to a great marriage and you need to communicate how her money issues will affect both of you and then find some solutions to this together. I actually like having a finite amount of money to spend each month - I can stay within the budget and we have no conflicts about spending. Have the discussion now - don't wait until you are married.

Answer 5

Don't trick yourself playa! In many states, if she defaults on her loans, debt etc YOU WILL GET STUCK WITH IT! Make her get her business in order BEFORE YOU JUMP THE BROOM! I learned this the hard way. My wife also suffers from not having any clue when it comes to spending money. I fed her habit by continuously giving her money. Every time I turned around, she was right back where she was. I created a budget for her and proved on paper if she just stuck to the plan, she would be in the black by the end of this year. Instead of to me, she totally disregarded my plan. She's now approximately 10,000 in debt, has zero savings and has started a second job. I know it's killing her but I'm not giving her any more money. Also think about if you do get married and you a taking care of all the money. What if you get sick and she has to take care of paying the bills (even if you have more than enough money in the bank to pay everything for a couple of years). If she has not learned how to take care of money, you'll be broke and homeless (and SICK!). Think about my story and make sure you know what you're getting into.

Answer 6

Money may not be the root of all evil, but it is the cause of most marital arguments.

I think that before you marry her, you both need to see a financial counselor, set up some guidelines, and make sure she understands them. If you both can't agree on this, you'll be arguing as long as you're married.

Your fiance may need to see a regular counselor, too, if she is using shopping to feel better. Some people use shopping like others use drugs.

Answer 7

You need pre-marriage financial counseling. My husband and I went through problems with finances too. You need to communicate and it will work out. But both of you need to work on this and go to counseling. You were both raised with different ideas about money. Your goals may not even be the same!

CRTVQT suggests Dave Ramsey- great idea!! His Financial Peace University program is great! My husband I completed it after 6 years of marriage, we wish we would have known about it before we got married. It would have save A LOT of financial fights over the years.

As for someone's quote "money is the root of all evil" it should have read: "the LOVE of money is the root of all evil" the poster forgot the first phrase of the passage. 1 Timothy 6:9-11 (New International Version)

A couple other resources to check out are:
www.stayhitched.com
www.crown.org (also hear them on the radio)
www.suzeorman.com (also see her on TV)
www.daveramsey.com (also hear him on the radio)

Good luck!

Answer 8

enroll her in a financial planning course and if she doesn't go --- don't marry someone who's careless with money and won't seek help in learning how to manage her own money!

This is something that has come between you two already(she can't payback what she owes you and her own bank account is suffering, not too mention her bills) - so take action now to avoid financial worries in the marriage.

Answer 9

Money is the evil in many relationships. It is important for a couple to be on the same page when it comes to money and finances. Dealing with an adult whom does not know how to handle money is worse than dealing with an incorrigible teenager. Teen years disappear but an adult whom has learned poor money habits is another story. You cannot spend your time babysitting an adult. Trust me-you are setting yourself up for endless arguments. She must get counseling and prove to herself and to you that she is prudent with her financial endeavors before marriage. This is not negotiable.

Answer 10

This won't be popular advice as far as liberals are concerned, but as a husband it will be your responsbilitiy to keep this from getting out of hand. Also, I hope that by your "fiancee" that doesn't mean that you're living with her or having sex before you're married. If so, you're off on the wrong foot from the start and it will diminish her respect for you and your authority to correct her.