Is there a way out for me? Its all my fault. I allowed myself to become emotionally attached to a man who is gay. We live together and we have lots of fun. Hes the "boyfriend" I never had. Maybe thats what it is. Maybe I just want a man with his brains and heart. The way he treats me is like he loves me too. Or I could be just imagining this whole thing. I'm starting to ache for him and find excuses to sleep in his room with him and just be by him (he lets me because hes sweet... another thing I love about him). I know that gay men are gentle and kind. I love and respect gay men to the fullest. I just need help. Is there any way I can get emotionally unattached from him and still be good friends? I've tried dating and all I ever do is end up comparing my date to him. I love him with all my heart. I know we wont ever be together so how can I not love him but still live together and still have a great friendship? .... that sounds almost impossible huh?
2006-11-29 03:50:49 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Tough one!
I am a gay man and have several really close female friends. Something seems to happen in these relationships that turns them into really special and close friendships. Everything is usually very fun and open. We can talk about anything and just be ourselves without having to try to impress eachother or hold back our innermost feelings and deepest secrets.
I would try to control your feelings to the best of your ability. It is possible to remain as close as you are without this affecting your close relationship. But please be careful because it sounds to me like you are in the emotional danger zone.
If your friend is understanding- tell him how you feel. Let him know that you understand that he is gay and are not trying to change him but that you really admire his qualites. If he is such a loving person, he will be proud and honored that you think so highly of him. ( I know I would be!!)
Just make sure that you realize the situation that you are in and that a sexual relationship between the two of you would be doomed from day 1.
Good luck! :)
2006-11-29 04:02:25 · answer #1 · answered by markalan1973 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would still live with him even though you know you cannot have him. When you know it is impossible for something to become yours you should let it go. Don't ache about not being able to have him as your lover. Just be with him and enjoy the time you two share together. Just be friends. Sometimes just being with the one you love is enough. Who knows, maybe the connection you have with him now might be better than it would be if you were to get into a relationship with him. Things are always much different in a romance relationship than in a friendship. Save yourself from getting hurt in the future.
2006-11-29 12:02:27 · answer #2 · answered by Dee 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes there is always a way out, and don't blame yourself! What you must do first is talk to him and tell him how you feel. You shouldn't keep your feelings inside. Tell him how you feel... I guarantee you will feel so much better once you told him. Maybe he could help you sort out these feelings that you have and together, the two of you could find a solution. Second, the most painful... unfortunately... Take some time away from him. Just back away for a while. Give yourself time to let go and move on.
2006-11-29 12:34:59 · answer #3 · answered by Toya B 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to find your backbone and learn to stand up on your own two feet. Get out.
All you're doing is setting yourself up for heartbreak.
He's GAY, that means that no matter how much he loves you it will ALWAYS only be platonic. (NO SEX)
Not only are your setting yourself up, but you're not being fair to him either.
He sees you as a friend, someone he can confide in, someone he can trust. If you tell him your feelings for him, he may see it as a betrayal of that trusted platonic relationship and resent you for it.
Be fair to yourself and him and get out!
You can still be friends if you pull yourself away from this doomed situation.
The "Will & Grace" Scenario is NOT what's going on here. You've taken it one step too far and have fallen physically "in-lust" with him.
At least with "Will & Grace" she realized there would NEVER be a physical relationship with Will.
You must do the same and since you've already infatuated with him the only way to remedy this is for you leave.
2006-11-29 12:13:53 · answer #4 · answered by DEATH 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell this man exactly how you feel! I'm betting that he already has an idea but don't ever deny yourself the opportunity to love someone. If he chooses not to reciprocate then that's something the both of you will have to work through. You respect his choices and that's exceptional but give him the chance to see your side as well. The best love one could ever have is the one of a friend.
2006-11-29 11:58:30 · answer #5 · answered by what can i do 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I have this uncanny feeling that you watch Will & Grace. Right? It seems to be you have two choices.
1. Live with your friend in a platonic relationship and hope he doesn't find a guy that he wants to have move in and replace you.
2. Move. This a relationship that is not going to go anywhere beyond what it already is.
I think you already know what the answer is. You just have to figure out how to except it.
Good Luck
2006-11-29 12:01:40 · answer #6 · answered by Surfborg 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I agree with what can I do 100%, but realize that gay or straight everytime you open your heart there is a chance for you to get hurt,so prepare for it. But the person who never takes a chance is missing out on something. Good Luck
2006-11-29 12:06:19 · answer #7 · answered by gitsliveon24 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Awh. I don't think there's nothing wrong with being emotional attach with your male friend. Friendships are built on emotions. I can form emotional attachment to women but I don't have the desire to have sex with them. I also think it's fine to want someone else who has the same qualities as him but you need to find someone who's straight or bi.
2006-11-29 12:01:41 · answer #8 · answered by What'd You Say? 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I didn't know this happened to straight people. I know it's happened to me. If I had a dollar for every straight woman I've fallen for...
There's nothing you can do. It sucks. It's going to continue to suck for a while. Then someday, it won't suck quite so much, and eventually you'll be over it. Unrequited love doesn't last forever.
2006-11-29 11:58:42 · answer #9 · answered by lcraesharbor 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you need to tell him how you feel, just tell him youre confused and have fallen in love with him, this is so normal, really, many girls tell me they love me....i dont know how to say this without sounding cocky, but they say they like me cause im sweet, funny, smart, atractive...its probably confusing for them because normally when a guy like that is nice to them, it means he is interested, its important that you know he didnt want you to fall in love with him, he isnt evil, hes just treating you how you should be treated, and it would be really disrspectful for you to leave someone who treated you right, so i think you should just talk to him about this,because leaving would not be fair
2006-11-29 12:14:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋