My ex and I have recently got back together. There were a couple different reasons that we split, but one major problem I had was her inability to manage her money well. We've only been back together for about a week, and I see that not much has changed. I love her so much, and want to make things work. Any advise on how we can compromise? She calls me a tightwod, but I feel like one of us needs to be! Please help!
2006-11-29 03:46:43 · 11 answers · asked by "B" 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Actually, money is the biggest issue in 99% of marrital problems. It's hard to get to that happy medium. I could give my money away as easy as spend it. It's just a good thing that he's like that too. The problem arisies when one or both of you doesn't understand the concept of the pay first play later plan. If she doesn't get that, it's a wonderful thing if you do. Just keep working with her and she may finally get it too. Your first mistake is in this statement "...a tightwod, but I feel like one of us needs to be". If you're really a tightwod, shame on you. If however, you are simply responsible, shame on her. If all else fails, try "Dr. Phil's House" and let America be the judge.
2006-11-29 04:06:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no help for you my friend. You either love her enough to stay poor, or you love her enough to let her go. You can't change the person, just the partner. I understand that you love her so much and wish this could be what you want, but it's not going to be. You have only been back together for a week and are already having major problems again. Do yourself a favor and get rid of her. Otherwise, deal with the headache and stop crying about it. Thank you and good luck.
2006-11-29 04:01:04 · answer #2 · answered by cookie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. "Boundaries" by Cloud / Townsend GET THIS! 2. Why does your wife spend frivolously? Because she HAS to! She is in an addiction! A spending addiction! She is carrying a ton of pain in her life, usually from childhood, surround something to do with money/possessions. She does not have the capacity to resolve her past PAIN and uses money/spending as the addictive behavior to cover or mask her unresolved pain, suffering and anguish! Perhaps she grew up poor and had little. So what? But what ends up in that is she was ridiculed by others in her poverty. She has a feeling that she is NOT worthy. She feel demeaned in that poverty and the only way for her to feel good about herself is to SPEND money to show the world that she's "got it". ! ! ! But spending money doesn't accomplish anything to FIX her broken identity! Which is why it is an ADDICTION! Spending does nothing to resolve her brokenness. But spending makes her FEEL GOOD.........for one day, one hour. And she will go out and spend some more, and more and more. It will NEVER stop until she faces her own demons and comes to understand that she, in fact, worthy and loved and beautiful ! She cannot say this about herself today! Which is why she is an ADDICT! "Captivating" by Stasi Eldredge (you get this book and read it and come to understand how most women think about themselves! then you can help her come to a new identity!)
2016-03-29 15:47:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have always had this problem too. I like to spend and my ex and my new man are more responsible. I find that my having an allowance makes it so much less stressful. I deposit my check into our account and he pays the bills and distributes money accordingly. I never worry about bills not getting paid or my spending too much money. He pays for everything and I have a generous allowance for girl stuff. It sounds wrong, I know, as I am a department manager at work, but it has cut out all arguing about money at home and I have a lot less stress.
2006-11-29 03:52:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just remember these words! "Your money is yours and her money is hers". Separate bank accounts. DO NOT!! give her your credit cards!! Cover yourself man I know I've been there and done that and I have the bankruptcy!( years ago thank God) and the bad credit(now repaired with an 815 credit score...better than that duffass on the TV commercial!) And the years of being turned down for loans. Yeah she also called me a tightwad. But today I own my own home with a new vehicle in the drive way, money in the bank, credit cards in my wallet, bills are all paid, I've got SAVINGS!, and life is good. Oh and by the way she ain't the woman in my life no more!! There are to many women out there that have their **** together as far as money to mess with one of those that doesn't. It's up to you man(I know....you love her) but be careful brother.
2006-11-29 04:14:41 · answer #5 · answered by Barry DaLive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a great question and the only one that can answer that would be him. We all can tell you what we think but its him that has to make that choice to tell you...Good luck and keep head high
2006-11-29 04:05:40 · answer #6 · answered by Quinton S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go read Dovie's answer again! She is right! If you cannot handle money, then admit it and let your husband do it for you. Maybe he can teach you, but admitting there is a problem is a big step.
WTG Dovie! Good Luck!
2006-11-29 04:00:05 · answer #7 · answered by Bev 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do you share expenses? Is it whats mine is mine and yours is yours? NO ALLOWANCE shes not a child do not treat her as one, its a form of abuse. There are alot of ways to handle this. Give her certain bills to be responsible for, things that benefit her, that if not paid will effect her. Tell her you want to make this work but that its a 2 way street. basically tell her what I did My Ex, Change your ways or Change your address !!!!
2006-11-29 03:56:20 · answer #8 · answered by hell_bent_grumpy 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
make it to where the both of you are only allowed to spend a certain amout of money per week.
2006-11-29 03:53:29 · answer #9 · answered by S 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Give her an allowance..
2006-11-29 03:49:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋