would you let your boyfriend?

Question

my boyfriend and i have been fighting alot over his drinking,he goes out and parties with his friends and his daughter and i stay at home.he tends not to come home when he drinks,he has disappeared every weekend and some times in the middle of the week.he will say he will be back but he never is,he wont come home til the next day.he lost a job over it,and has almost lost this one.i tell him leaving because i cant handle being so lonely,he wont take me anywhere all i do is work and come home.we made a deal,he can go out on saterdays and come home sunday morning as long as he shows me some attention once and a while,and takes me to a movie or somthing edleast twice a month.he said okay,but he still wont and i still allow him to go out every saterday.i keep forgiving and i dont know why,i know i can get some one who will treat me soooo much better,he said he loves me and he will try to show me but after 4 years should i still hope or walk out

Answer 1

It sounds like you are in a hard spot, but I think you should walk-out. Don't suffer from his mistakes. Maybe someday he'll realize what he did. But right now, do what is best for you. I'm sure there is someone else out there that can be so much better. It's sad, but it's time to leave.

Answer 2

The problem is you forgiving him every time he take advantage of you. Do you have a place to go? Or how long will it take before you can get another place on your own? Once you can answer the question, then start planning your move. Do not tell him your plans. Make sure you have your moving people ready after being concrete about your plan. You tell him that you will see him later after he goes of on his "weekend trip". Okay, once his is gone, you signal your moving people that the "coast is clear". You move all your belongings and yourself out of the house. Once he arrives home, he will see an empty apartment. I say this because if you tell him to leave he may not because it is his home too. Or he may start to terrorize you. He may snap I mean he is an alcoholic. You don't need additional problems into your life. Life is too short as is. (Truly, if he loves you, he will go to AA and start his life with you fresh). Take care.

Answer 3

You answered your own question. You know you can get someone better, so why stick around? It will only cause you heartache, because he obviously doesn't take your feelings seriously, or your needs. If money is not a factor for you and if the house is his, then I would move out when he went out, if he stays gone that long you have plenty of time. If you own or rent in your name, pack all of his sh*t, and leave it by the curb. You don't need him, and he will never change. Thank god you are not married to him. Or you could wait until he gets home and have a cop come over to watch while he packs his crap, or you pack your stuff. That way he can't do anything to you. Good luck! :)

Answer 4

Look up "Al Anon" online and find a meeting in your area. Go to at least 6 meetings. Don't go in and when it's your turn talk about everything that's wrong in your life. Listen to the men and women in the meeting - *hear* what they're saying.

Making this decision now is probably not a good idea. You need to get your head clear. I know women who have stayed with active alcoholics and are happy and emotionally healthy. I know women who have decided that leaving is the best option. I know women who have ended up with guys just like this who have eventually sobered up.

I'm not sure anyone here could give you advice that would mean anything - and Al Anon doesn't give advice. It gives you an alternative way to live that's not dependent on your boyfriend's drinking status. Good luck.

Answer 5

WALK OUT!!!!! you are going through what everyone other woman has gone thru sometime or another in her life... You will feel miserable at first and that your life is over. But what kind of life are you living now. You might as well be by yourself, b/c he sure doesnt act like he is in a relationship with you. And what kind of man parties with his own daughter. He should be teachng her good values not bad ones. And would you really want any children with this man??? run the other way as fast as u can

Answer 6

I think he is taking you for granted and he needs a wake up call. Unfortunately it seems like this has become a pattern in your relationship. You might have to seek some outside help, like form a counselor or if you really feel like you have given all you have then you should leave. Being in this situation is not good for your self esteem.

Answer 7

Time for some AA meetings if you ask me (which you did). Either for him or for you. He needs to understand that he has a sickness. If he prefers drinking over spending time with his family, loses one, and almost two jobs over it, then he has a bigger problem than you think.

Get him help or get it for yourself so you can understand better how to deal with him. Do an intervention if necessary, but get him some help. Do it for you, your daughter and for him.

Call today.

Answer 8

From experience, I would say staying out all night is a VERY bad sign. Not that much partying in the world. When I use to stay out all night, I was usually shacked up with another woman.

Answer 9

Family members use denial to rationalize the drinker’s alcohol dependency. In the beginning, denial is understandable because every family loves and wants to protect its members, but there comes a time when denial negatively affects family members. When family members deny the obvious and refuse to look for help, their behavior can trigger multiple emotional problems. By providing him with the place to return you allow him to continue to drink.

Answer 10

If he is not willing to work this problem with you and you two have tried then apparently you need to move on and find someone that is going to love and respect you.... and not fall in love with alcohol.