I am geting mixed signal from husband again need some advice?

Question

A couple of wks ago he was on vac.for 15 dys straight and I wanted him so bad I mean it was our chance to have a normal life while he was off and I kept on telling him I want you he deer hunted all day then by the time he came home he was out and I was mas so out of the 15 days only 3 of them were nights I had with him. Then I told him today that I am going to buy something sexy to wear for him for christmas and he said he didnt want me to because he would just rip it off anyway and hes not going to waste the money on something like that. I dont get it I am trying to spice things up a bit and he doesnt sound interested. He seems to like these things on other women so I thought I would give him something to enjoy but obviously he doesnt want to see it on me he doesnt even act intersted in me like he use to as far as in the bedroom goes. Maybe I should let him get a hooker or something heck she might have crabs but at least he would enjoy it I am free ONLY to him.Whats going on?

He meant it he doesnt want me to buy something like that he looks at to many porno magazines while he is at work that he only wants for girls like them. If he wants them he can have them but he will never find a faithful loving wife who takes good care of our kids. I am not allowed to blow the money on stuff like that anyway.

For the one who replied about buying ot anyway I cant I am not allowed to just spend money and I dont get out with friends he makes me feel like I am going to mess around and I am not. I get my hair done maybe 2 times a year and get to shop if I am lucky 1 time a year by the time he buys want he wants there no money for me so I only get the chance to look good when I take my son to school. He doesnt like going anywhere or doing anything anymore unless it involve him spending money on hunting stuff. I am not about material things but I would like my husband to want to do things with me more and if he cant then I would like to have a social life besides him but I dont he is never here. I have tried talking to him and he thinks I am nagging I mean I thought your suppose to tell your spouse what you would like to make things better in your marriage. I love him and I dont mean to make him sound like a bad husband but i really dont know what to do.

Answer 1

Oh the joys of being married to MEN lol..

First why do u think he likes things on other women? do u really think its because of the teddy? No, its because shes something that hasnt been "conquered" by him, its the mystery under the nightie that he's more interested in, sure she looks sexy, and he's not saying that u wouldnt look sexy in it as well, he basically said he'd want to tear it off of u like a wild animal so why bother.. be greatful for that and that he doesnt yawn when u put it on..

Your making urself to available.. men like the chase.. they may not admit it.. but they do.. stop giving him such a big head (no pun intended lol) he's eatting it up that he can have u at his beck and call.. and he likes the power trip that he's getting from it.. i doubt seriously that he's wanting another woman, i just think he's forgotten that your worth losing and has gotten to comfortable in the marriage.. he knows all he has to do is snap his fingers and boom ur there to satisfy him sexually..

Start finding things to do , go shopping , go out with friends, go find a hobbie , heck if i lay in bed and read a book and act as if im to interested in the book, my husband goes nuts why? cause something else has diverted my attention off of him.. and instead of me being all over him as usual.. its a shock to his system of not having my attention and then he starts initiating things..

Im sure u have talked to him till ur blue in the face and it seems to either work for about a day or two and go back to the same ole same.. or it went in one ear and out the other.. so time to get what u want with out talking about it.. start giving him alittle bit of the cold shoulder so to speak.. make him wonder for a change, get active, stop being at his beck and call.. make him chase u.. Go out and buy a sexy outfit, (normal clothes) go get ur nails done or hair done, start doing things that make u feel good about yourself and feel more confident.. he'll take notice... men like confident women, they like women to not only look but feel confident BUT it also scares them into a wake up call..

Women can get their men to do anything they want if they handle it the right way.. its just finding out what their nitch is first...

Good luck

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Just read your added details..

He looks at to much porn, and your not "allowed" to spend money on such things?????????
Honey u have more problems then ur man not spending time with u.. he's disrespecting u and controling..

Not allowed to??? kills me, lets see.. your not ALLOWED to spend his money on such things is what im getting from u.. lol hummmmm the judge would see it differently when he's ordered to pay you childsupport and possibly alimony and u could use HIS money on a teddy for some other guy lol.. but i guess that would be ok with him.. lol..

Your husband needs a swift kick in the azz.. and needs to open his eyes.. because this is no way to live.. screw it go on ebay and start selling all his crap so u can have ur own money to spend on whatever the hell u want if he wants to be that way "ALLOWED" .. are u a child or are u a woman????? He treats u like a child.. he doesnt respect u if he did then he'd know that his marriage vows said to FORSAKE ALL OTHERS.. i doubt it said FORSAKE ALL OTHERS EXCEPT FOR PORN.. love it when people only go by their wedding vows when its convient for them..

Sweetie its time u started worrying about what makes u happy, and let him start realizing he's about to lose you if he doesnt straighten his act up, and if he doesnt, then u have ur answer, because if he loves u , he would at the risk of losing u.. if he doesnt then u know that u mean very little to him and there are alot of good men out there that would love to have a woman treat them the way ur treating ur current husband who doesnt seem to deserve it..

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BINGO.. read what u just wrote.. ur not allowed to do anything but be his slave.. he spends the money on things HE WANTS, u do what HE WANTS, he doesnt care about what you want or what u need, time to pack the kids up and go to a family members house or a friends house, doesnt mean u have to get a divorce, just means he needs a severe wake up call.. hes set in his ways he's use u as his door mat, u want respect, u want what u deserve? only chance u have is to show him that if he pushes u to far u are out the door.. only chance of getting what u want from him, if he loves u he'll do it for u, if not, then hun he doesnt love u and u shouldnt live a life like that .. Im not for divorce but im not for being treated like a slave, or like a caged animal..

Answer 2

Discuss counseling because I did dress in something sexy and lit candles and put note on door telling him NOT to turn on lights when he came inside. He made his way to the bedroom and this is what he said to me, "Whats going on?"We did make love but it NEVER was the same after that day. I felt stupid afterwards like in some way it was for nothing. Maybe I was looking for a way out because the passion was definitely gone between us . I had to make the advances toward him and I wanted to be desired because after all I know I'm an attractive female . Divorced after 22 years of marriage. Couldn't take the mental abuse. BUD was his friend and deerhunting was his passion. Can't compete with that and give up trying. They stop realizing there are MEN out there that would be willing to take you off their hands and then when it happens they act surprised. Are men that ignorant????

Answer 3

Why don't you try getting a small part time job and let him enjoy his children for 4 hrs or so. Maybe he will have a new found RESPECT for you since he seems to be quite the CONTROL FREAK.
Do something different to your style. I mean really different. Your hair, your clothes. Then go out for an hour or so. Make him curious. The thought of someone else pawing at you might make him more attracted.

Answer 4

MIXED SIGNALS? From a man? Really!!!! This is because you are female and have to think for both of you. He is male and can "grunt" "beer". Men are simple creatures and women are the brains that make them operate. Sort of like an operator and an excavating machine; it just sits there unless is somebody at the controls. As it has been so it shall ever be. Don't expect a rocket scientist's thoughts from a beer drinker.

Answer 5

Hunting season can be a difficult time on relationships. Some men are so caught up in the mode they do not realize how much they ignore their families while enjoying their "manhood".

Since you knew he had the days coming up for vacation, should have talked with him and let him know that you understand he wished to use some of this time to hunt but you wish he would reserve a day or two to hunt for you too.

It is most likely nothing personal, for you have already stated that regardless of what you have on, he knows the agenda for your together time.

When have time simply express to him that you realized he needs his own personal time but you need time with him too for you miss the romance that you used to have.

Just love him unconditionally and appreciate that your hushand is just that - YOURS.

Do not push too much, express your love to him in ways that are special.....simply appreciate your marriage and lives!!!

Answer 6

Get something sexy anyway. I don't think guys understand, we don't just wear sexy stuff for them. We want to feel sexy too. For some women that means wearing lingerie. If you want to, then go for it. If he doesn't like it, he'll get over it. OK, a 15 day vacation and only 3 you got with him? That has problems written all over it.

Answer 7

Look if you missed the compliment I will spell it out for you he said if you bought something sexy it would turn him on so much to see you in it that he would rip it off of you. Sounds like you have his attention. I understand that you would like to spice things up heck we all like to. Go ahead and buy what you think is sexy and surprise him believe me he will love it.

Answer 8

Instead of getting him a hooker, why not dress sexy and charge him? There is more going on than he is telling you, tired 12 days out of 15? My wife would beg me to go back to work so she could rest.

Answer 9

some men are like that, my husband goes hunting and comes home and wakes me. something about the hunt makes his drive go up. I'd sit down and talk to him and find out what the problem is.. talking about it can help the situation.

Answer 10

I think he is just use to you, it gets like that after while. Maybe you should sit down and tell him how you feel. And in the bedroom why don't u guys try different positions, toys etc

Answer 11

I've told my wife the same thing that I would tear it off so whats the point, but I would love to be surprised! GO for it!