How does a guy deal with a soon to be ex,when he finds out she has totally despised him for17yrs? with kids..?

Question

I am a complete idiot!!

Answer 1

Punch her right in the mouth!!! Or if you're afraid to get in trouble..Beat her azz with a phone book!!

Answer 2

Well, I think a woman who can hide her hate that well for 17 years is quite the actress, don't you? I would say, she must be one heck of a gal to have stayed that long with those kinds of feelings. Personlly, I doubt it, but if true, I think it shows a real lack of character on her part to have PRETENDED for so long. Are you sure this isn't one of those "And I never had an orgasm with you, I FAKED it EVERY TIME!" kind of see yas? Because I would say it shows way more about her low character that she would DESPISE you for so long while smiling for 17 years, you know what I mean? You're not a complete idiot, you are about to be free from someone who will lie to your face and smile about it. Put a period on it and move on! Sounds to me like you are the lucky one my dear, cause that girl can hang onto a grudge for an awful long time, sounds like recipe for cancer and heart disease if you ask me. Good luck with your new life and being free of the DRAGON!

Answer 3

First and foremost ---You Are Not The IDIOT! Most people love so much and so deeply, they never see it coming. Take care of your well being in all areas, spiritually, financially, mentally, etc. Pray -Pray -Pray to be able to forgive her and wish her well. This will take all of the sting out of her and relieve your pain. Now it is time to concentrate on the kids. You need to step up and show the kids who the more stable, responsible adult is in this situation. You will get through this as there is always an unseen purpose..... Nothing just happens. You're in my prayers. Voice of experience

Answer 4

Actually, this sounds like something that was said out of anger. I don't know what the problem was in your marriage, but for her to say that she was pretty mad. I'm sure she didn't marry you, stay with you, and have your children if she dispised you the whole time. You must understand that people say hurtful things when their marriage is finally over. I'm sure you still love her, but she is pretty much over you. My advice to you is to take what she says with a grain of salt. This could get worse or better, at this point it's anyone's guess. You should just realize that life will be better without her. Good luck.

Answer 5

You're not an idiot!! You're in very good company - a huge amount of couples realize that their relationship is over. Nothing idiotic about it!

I'm assuming that the relationship is over - that you've confronted your "soon to be ex" and you've both decided upon separation. If your question is about how to GET to that point, my answer won't help you at all, but I'd be glad to address it if you'd like me to!

However, if you've already decided upon separation or divorce, then your one goal is to escape with minimal damage to yourself or your children.

A good first step towards this goal is accepting that what is over, is over. There's no sense rehashing the marriage.

Be consistent in being polite to your ex. You can't go wrong with this approach, and being able to keep your cool will give you tremendous satisfaction, as well as smoothing things over during an extremely difficult time.

The best way to accomplish the separation without bloodshed is by using some kind of mediator for help on issues where you and your ex simply will not agree (child support amount, who gets which joint possessions). Either a lawyer, a clergy person, or some other kind of mediator should help keep these issues civilly discussed, and also discussed out of earshot of the the children.

As a woman who was able to "successfully" divorce and remain, if not amicable, at least cooperative, with my ex for the past sixteen years (and with three children!) one of the most difficult - but very necessary - things was to not say ANYTHING negative about the ex around my children. Also, and don't say anything negative that your children will eventually hear about through gossips and the like. Trust me on this. Even if your children have issues with your ex that lead them to vent to you, just listen without "badmouthing" her. Your children will appreciate the opportunity to vent, and you'll be the parent who is helpful and listens without dumping your own problems on the children, or making them feel uncomfortable. If your ex is completely blameable for something and you can't, in good conscience, let that go without comment, you can always say something non-judgemental, like "well, we all make mistakes" or "we all have things in our characters that we wish we could change". Help keep your children focused on the future too. If they need help coping with the past, you can help them without trashing your ex. That will eventually lead your children to mistrust you, and think less of you. Remember that children really do NOT want to hear about problems in their parents' relationship.

Finally, be good to yourself when you can. Little treats - a Saturday nap, a walk, etc. - can help you cope during a difficult time.

Answer 6

She must have been quite an actress to fool you for that long. Unfortunately, with the laws being what they are, she'll retain custody of the children and your options are these: slave or outlaw? Most men accept the chains of involuntary servitude, hoping for a better life after they are removed, about 20 years later.

Answer 7

How do you deal with it? That is a hard question. How I delt with knowing a girl married me just to get out from underneath her parents was to cry it out, let it hurt, and go on with my life.

Not easy to do, Might I suggest talking to someone you trust? or maybe a councilor or church member? As I do not know your exact situation, these are only generic suggestions and what I have done.

Answer 8

She couldn't have "despised" you for 17 years and you not have had a clue. That's only what she's saying now to justify leaving. Ignore the hate diatribe and focus on the kids. And get a good lawyer!

Answer 9

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Answer 10

I dont think she despised you for 17 years. Shes trying to be hurtful and is using "words" as a defense mechanism. Either way, my advice.... go to church, get a strong foundation in God, and keep your focus on the kids. In the end, we were never intended to "complete" eachother anyway. (spouses) God is our source. Praying for ya!!

Answer 11

Bang all her friends as soon as possible. Also fight for every penny when you get divorced.

Put in the divorce agreement that you get all rights to the porn you filmed over the years. Even if there was none, she won't ever be sure.