Why do the kids forgive the "wrong" dad but not the mother?

Question

My friend, a psychiatrist, says that kids always forgive the dad even if he beat the mother, gave her an std or killed her. They never forgive the mom for minor trangsgressions and always say that something the mother did made the father do it. Are we just that chauvinistic in society, in the world?

Answer 1

Women have been put in a place where we are expected to be pure and totally giving of ourselves. It is set up in things like the virgin mother.
It is a way to keep women down and control them, something men seem driven to do.
The expectations for woman are always higher, even now we are expected to have a beautiful germ free home, be wonderful mothers who prepare healthy meals and do art projects with our kids and hold down a great job. Woman discuss trying to have it all, while men do whatever the hell they want, because it was set up for them like that a long time ago. Even their mothers make it worse by doing everything for them and treating their daughters tougher.

Look at how many people HATE Hillary Clinton just because she said she does not bake.

We woman perpetuate the problem, and when we stop being our own worst enemies we shall overcome.

Answer 2

I don't know about forgiving the "wrong dad". Why is this the childs business? What I have seen and continue to see, are parents trying to get the kids to turn on a parent by telling all the other parents transgressions against them, slamming the parent slams the child. So a woman who is trying to make it CLEAR to the children who the dirty bird is, is in effect, nailing her own coffin shut. Not many kids can rise above a parent undermining the other parent, but they rarely forgive the one who does it. My advice for this type of behavior? Don't engage in it, if the other person does it to you, the parent should respond "I am sorry he/she feels the need to tell you such things, but I feel no need to respond to such allegations. If he/she feels like talking to me, he/she knows my number." and the child is not put in the middle of carrying "messages" back and forth. ITs a foul foulf thing to do to your kids. Or giving them the spanish inquisition when they come home from a visit, who was he with, did "she" come along? and so on. Totally inappropiate behavior. So I don't it has to do with chauvinism, but I know I never thought kindly of my Dad trying to slam my Mom, nor my Mom slamming my Dad. Believe it or not, I knew who did what anyways without either of them opening their traps, that just shows that kids know alot more about things then you think and never appreciate ANYONE pointing out deficiencies in either if them. Hope this helps you.

Answer 3

"Never" and "always" don't belong in any statement describing human behavior. Your psychiatrist-friend should, of all people, know that. S/he may have meant "tend to"(?), but even then, I personally don't agree.

"Do we live in a chauvinistic (male-dominated) society? Probably. But, believe me, it's not as bad as it used to be. As the song says, "the sisters are doing it for themselves" and it is long overdue.

Don't fret over this generalization by your friend. Sure, it happens sometimes, but, then so does every other act of human response to conflict and deception that you can imagine.

Hang in there, mom.

Answer 4

coming from a single mother of 4,there dad is never around,he hasnt even paid child support for 5 years,im a waitress and barely make ends meat,but i would never bad mouth there father i think thats why alot of kids hold the mother responsable for things,all they hear is negitive most cases.my mother walked out when i was 6,i dont hate her,it depends on the people i guess.your friend is wrong if they said they only forgive the wrong dad,my kids dont blaim me,or him,they have to draw there own conclution of things dont draw it for them

Answer 5

Unfortunately, many kids are chauvinistic, and I think it is because they somehow learned to be so from others. The monstrous "son" (if something like that can be regarded as a son) of the woman I once engaged (and who didn't answer my phone calls for more then 3 months, probably because she is busy with her "son") is chauvinistic too: He wants to become some kid of a king, have many wives and execute any of those who would not be "loyal" to him.

Answer 6

I don't know if I would call it 'chauvinistic', But for some reason in society mothers are suppose to wear the 'halos'. Children look up to the mother as being the 'true one'. But I take that as a compliment. Because we are seen as the better parent,,,:)

Answer 7

I see the same thing with both my niece and nephew. Same mother, two different dads. They both see that dad does no wrong no matter what. It sickens me. Espeically when my nephews dad tells the little boy lies to make mom look bad. Dad was arrested for drunk driving and had to spend six days in jail. Guess who fault it was? And he told the boy he would only be in jail for three days and when he didn't come to get the boy after the third day Dad told him it was cause Mom called called the jail and started trouble so the dad had to stay longer. Obvious lies to us but the nine year old boy can't see it. He all but hates his mom now and NEVER stays with her.

Answer 8

Im one of those kids. It isnt that we are chauvinistic it is that your mother is supposed to be the one who protects you from the father the one that steers you in the right direction, the one that has the mother instincts and knows how to comfort you. Your mother is your mother, she gave birth to you. How often do you see a mother abandon her children? Not nearly as much as dead beat dads!

Answer 9

A have a cousin that did that and grew to change right into a white guy, boy is she in for a wonder, besides I stuck myself putting forward he/she quite a few cases and ultimately did not address the gender situation any better to me it has no gender and as such won't be able to be rrelated to me and would no longer produce childern.

Answer 10

Depends on the child and I am guessing your friend is female. Most kids never forgive a dad who abuses their mom.