another ex-related question?

Question

have the same problem other women seem to have. just saw hubby's email and discovered he has been talking and emailing his ex. she tells my husband she misses and loves him. i don't have a problem with him communicating with other women cause he knows a lot of people and i know those women but never knew about his ex. i also managed to "decode" her phone number from his phone book and now i have access to his email p'word which he doesn't know. he doesn't even know that i know about his ex let alone her name, which i doscovered years back befroe we got married from a letter she wrote him but it never bothered me. now i am thinking of calling her and maybe she will tell my husband which he won't believe. hopefully she will llook like a liar and hubby will lose interest in talking to her. what should i do, cause i don't want to confront him with this as he has denied stuff before.

Answer 1

There is so much "wrong" going on here. First of all I was one of those women who was contacting her "boyfriend" who was married. His wife didn't know either and he kept it that way for a reason. He was cheating on her. Your husband is hiding something whether it is just cheating by phone or possibly more. You already knew this though didn't you because you are becoming obsessed over this and for good reason. Your answer is not to call his ex but to confront him. How are you going to do this without telling him about how you found out? I am not sure but there is so much distrust in this relationship and rightly so. Trust me on this because I was the one calling and I am not proud of this but you really need to handle this now. Good luck.

Answer 2

What's most important here is that him communicating with her is making you uncomfortable. Point Blank. If he cares, then he'll stop...or perhaps if he understands the ramifications of not stopping, then he'll do the same. She may be the root of the problem, but it's to be expected that she'll do whatever she wants. Your husband has an allegiance to you, she doesn't. This other woman is under no sort of jurisdiction but her own, and its safe to say that her judgment or scruples may be a little fuzzy. Talk to your Hubby. Let him know what you feel and see if he makes a change.

Answer 3

Well i know this must be hard but i think you schould not tell you husband or call the girl... if you fell deep down that something is going on, wait it out and see what happens. She most likely wont tell you the truth neither will he. Find out on your own. Check up on his emails. Once you got all the information you need... call her then confront him. You will catch them off guard. If you tell him now you will never find out cause he will know you are on to them and he will chill out. If you trust in him then just leave it alone it will come to you dont go looking for something bad. Just think about how you feel deep down inside.

Answer 4

Trust your gut instinct and be brave. Sometimes we all know the truth deep inside but convince ourselfs its not true. You can talk to him and chances are he will turn it all back on you and ask what the hell you were doin readin his emails. Maybe its not a physical relationship but if ur husband is confiding in and talking to another woman things cant be all rosy at home. Either work through things or be brave and leave, you cant continue with a man you dont trust!

Answer 5

I wouldn't suggest calling her. It could get really nasty. She just might tell your husband and he could believe her over you. That would put you in a tight spot. He would wonder how you got her name and number and what else you might have found out. He could start being even more secretive about things. On the other hand, he could start ranting and raving about how you found out and how you don't trust him.

This could get very messy which might be exactly what his ex is hoping for.

So my advise is don't call her. Since it doesn't seem to bother you that he chats with others, just let it go.

Answer 6

You obviously don't trust him so wants the point in confronting him unless you have gathered all the evidence to show or he will carry on denying to you and his self! My ex even started to believe in his own lies until I faced him with all the evidence! Then he said it was all my fault for not trusting and then I wouldn't have known ha

Answer 7

I wouldnt confront him, but talk to him. The way you do it and whatever you have to say will depend on the way he is responding to her harassment, because that is what it is.
Otherwise, if he wanted to be with her, he wouldnt have left her and marry you in the first place.
We women can be quite bitches when not thinking straight and feeling lonely.
And yes!...talk to her if it becomes necessary, after all she is the one compromising your marriage life.

Answer 8

You need him to know that you know about her, but the way you've sneaked behind is back is almost as back as what he's done. I wouldn't tell me that you've been on his e-mail but mention the letter you read, ask if he's still in contact with her, if he says he has then atleast he's being honest if not then you should tell him bout the e-mails

Answer 9

Two lies do not make one truth. I guess it's showdown time. Get it all out in the open. Let him know what you're FEELING, not whatcha KNOW (by snooping)
Apparantly you're feeling insecure, possibly rejected. And under the circumstances, you have reason to. So clear the air, and your HEAD, before things get ugly.

Answer 10

I would call that deception. He hasn't told you about her for a reason, and that is something that you should def. tell your spouse about. I would confront HIM, and ask him what he's doing and why? I would also start counseling if it sounds like there is anything left to save in your marriage.