How can I change my attitude toward my wife?

Question

How can I adjust my attitude with a woman like this? OK so I have been married for 13 years now. 2 kids. It was not so good, I am a sexual person and she is or was too. Sex occurred about once a month and we were drifting apart until this summer and for 2 months it was great. We held hands, slept in the same bed, sex at least 3 times a week it was just great, the way I always wanted it to be. Well that is over now. We still hold hands and stuff like that which is still a big improvement over the way it was but the sex is gone back to the way it was. When I bring up the subject she gets defensive or mad at me like it’s my fault sometimes. At night I get the “I am so tired” and in the morning it’s “oh I have to get up soon”. So in return I get grumpy and feel like there is something wrong with me. I don’t think she is cheating due to her schedule, just no time unless there are a bunch of quickies, but I get an attitude and then she gets one and even though I try to tell her what my problem is, it seems she doesn’t listen or believe me. She doesn’t even take hints. Is there anyone out here that has gone thru the same thing woman or man that could help me out with this? I am not looking to cheat on her but the fact is I need sex at least 3 or 4 times a week weather or not she is involved, if you know what I mean. I would much rather have her involved believe me

Answer 1

I need sex only on day's that end in "Y", unfortunately for me...my wife only needs it on days that end in "e" (non"e").

So I'd take her to a doctor and ask about hormone treatments or something along that line. Or find a good hobby.

Answer 2

I don't think you should act as if nothing is wrong but there's no reason to change your attitude toward her. I mean, she is still the same person that you married and I'm sure you still love her just the same. It's good to hear that you have a strong relationship and the best advice I can give is to keep the lines of communication open. This is difficult for her and I know it's difficult for you too, so talk to her and offer her the love and support she needs. Another thing you might want to consider, and only if she's comfortable with it, is for the two of you to have a session together with her therapist. That way you can get a little better understanding about what's going on and bring up any concerns. Just remember there's no reason to panic; bipolar is very treatable with medication and therapy.

Answer 3

could the two of you take off on a vacation for a week... if you can't leave because you have the kids to take care of and no one can keep an eye on them for a week... take a week off work, and just be home together... christmas shop together, make her a wonderful breakfast in bed, take her to a romantic dinner... visit places that you went together when you first started dating, have a "home spa day" give massages to each other, turn the tub into a hot tub for two, things like that... romance her, dance with her, hold her.... tell her how you've been feeling, but say it all in a caring/calm way, ask her if there is anything that you can help with, talk about everything... after a week of being alone and acting like young kids in love for the first time will put you both back on track... trust me!

Answer 4

If you really love each other, you need to make time to talk together somewhere quiet, w/out the kids there.
Tell her how much you love her and that you're unhappy and why. That you'd like things to improve. Ask her what you can do to help things. Say that if there's anything you can do to help make her life less stressful, that you'll do it (if possible). Tell her you feel rejected and want your marriage to be better.

If you find this discussion doesn't lead anywhere, then suggest marriage counseling (don't be unfaithful whatever you do!). Give your marriage a chance and hang in there. You sound like a nice guy.

Answer 5

I think their are deeper issues here. A person changes all of the sudden sometime something is going on in her life. Many people find it hard to commuicate with the one they love the most. I think that you should mention to her that you are a partners and what effects one effects the other. You can not work on a marrige by your self it takes two . You need to ask her what can you do to make it better. Their has to be a compromise for what you and she can take. I would not rule out couseling for her and for you. You have to hang in I believe that your marriage is worth saving but only you two can decide and do the work. good luck to the both of you and god bless you.

Answer 6

Talk to her and try to arrange scheduled times for just the two of you. Since she has a busy schedule, pick the times that are less busy or tiring for her. Spend time alone on those scheduled dates and if she is too tired, try to just spend time holding her. A woman is turned on my emotional things while a man is turned on by physical things. If you give her the emotional love she requires ( holding, kissing, caressing) without requiring the physical act of sex itself, she will realize you are interested in being with her for more than just sex and more than likely start feeling more sexual towards you. Good Luck.

Answer 7

Yes I have been in your shoes but on your wifes end. Our sexual relationship was wonderful and then to the point of you. What it honestly was is I was not too tired I was not not in love with him I honest to goodness lost desire of sexual contact. So his advances were shut down, his words were shut down. Oh I heard him and understood I just had no desire. Being the woman as the one in your life understand there is surely a reason. It is either she need speak to a doctor as I did being open honest and direct, she need be honest with you and stop the lame excuses we use. Mine was menopause believe it or not. Express to her without getting angry as my husband never showed anger your needs and desires and express to her that you need sexual contact as in the past of your relationship. Ask her point blank to be honest and stop using the excuse of tired. Has she fallen so into routine of daily things that she just is a robot now? Bring back the romance! Tell her this is what you need. Ask her to talk to her doctor. As far as going to another woman to fulfill your needs that is nothing more than spelling out the word divorce. If you step out and find a woman that affords you the sexual contact you need you will find you then will be shutting down your wife. It will be the end. Please do not make that move and good luck

Answer 8

Sounds like you are normal sexually. Maybe your wife has a medical problem or bored. Have you tried to spice things up in the bedroom. Same ole same ole gets very old. I would rather have sex by myself as same ole everytime. Just a couple of suggestions. I do feel for you.

Answer 9

People tend to get busy with their lives and get too tired for sex. You need to have some romance in your lives. Men tend to watch TV and then want to go to bed and be ready for sex. Women are not like that. Women need some attention and romance before bed to prepare them for the sex. You have to put the idea there before time to do it. Help her with some of her chores and maybe she won't be so tired.

Answer 10

When she is in the kitchen cooking or standing over the sink, go up behind her and wrap your arms around her and kiss her on the back of the neck, This drives women crazy! Feels great!

And when you get to bed, just get on top of her and start kissing her, kiss her all over her neck, lips, face, everywhere and reach into her panties and start playing with her..you'll deffinately turn her on, and she'll want you! If she don't respond to you then check her pulse, cause she is surely DEAD! lol