If you have a child with your ex.....?

Question

Women or men....how would you feel if your ex started dating someone else when there is a child involved and there is nothing but an amicable relationship between the two b/c of your child? Im involved with a man that has a child and he wont tell his ex or the child about me b/c he does not want this to ruin the good relationship he has w/the mother with regards to the way they deal with their kid. I know he doesnt feel anything for her but he admires her as a mother. I understand and support him in his decision but how long is enough and what would you want the person ur ex is seriously involved with to do to make you feel more comfortable about who your child is with? I know that as long as the child is not in danger and both parents have custody there is not much one parent or the other can do to prevent them from being w/the person they care about but as an added bonus would you want to meet the person ur ex is with to see what they are like? I know...a lot of questions. thanks!!

Answer 1

Fishy. You know it too. Red flags.

Answer 2

Okay, if it is a new relationship, and he has only been divorced for a short period of time. Let's say 6 months or less, everyone involved in the situation (child and parents), need time to absorb the trauma of divorce. Dating immediately after divorce is never a good idea, whether children are involved or not.

IF this is not the case, and he has hid any relationship from his ex and child, then he has unresolved issues and may feel a longing for the family unit as it once was and doesn't want anyone jeopardizing that relationship. In this instance he is choosing the former over you and you would be wise to get out. You will not be able to compete with the ex, ever!!! Her wishes will and feelings will come before your own.

Next scenario, it could possibly be that he feels guilt over the divorce. Talk to him and ask him why HE thinks the marriage was broken. If he feels he was to blame for causing them pain, then he may be trying to make up for it by keeping the focus soley on them. Maybe he is just waiting for the right moment to tell her. Like perhaps after she begins dating, that way he will not cause her anymore pain.

I think it is great that you are concerned that they maintain their friendship, that shows alot of respect and confidence on your behalf. Please give the child enough time to heal and deal with the divorce and then you can begin a healthy relationship once every has licked their wounds and are ready to start their new lives. But don't kid yourself, if this guy is still in love with her, you will never have a normal relationship with him. You sound like a smart women, just use your head and not your heart.

Answer 3

I think your boyfriend is right not to introduce you to his child. A child doesn't need to meet every person his parents date. That just makes the child insecure. If your relationship becomes serious enough to consider marriage, that's when you should meet the child. I would imagine you would meet the ex at that time too. Divorce is hard enough on a child without adding the parents' boyfriends/girlfriends to the mix.

Answer 4

my husband has a beautiful daughter with his ex-wife and he didn't hesitate to tell either of them about me. His daughter and I spoke on the phone 1 month after we started dating. He admires his ex-wife as a mother but doesn't want to be with her or anything but he also wasn't hesitant to share that part of his life with me. Maybe they are looking out for the childs best interest and don't want each other to keep bringing different people in to his/her life and mess the child up. I think honesty is #1 in any relationship and sometimes keeping secrets can be a lot like lying, in this case 3 people are being kept in the dark. Try talking to him and let him know what it means to you to be involved, if he still won't open up then maybe it's time to move on. I don't know the extent of your relationship or how serious you are with him but it's strange to me that he can't be open enough with you.

Answer 5

I have a child w/my ex. We get along great & he is dating.
My ex & I agreed to wait 6 months minimum before introducing a girl/boyfriend. That is for him...I personally will wait until I know this person will be in my life permanently (as much as one can know that!!)
I don't mind that he and his gf spend time with our child, but I am glad that Dad also makes sure he has one on one time with our child. Now, my ex has used ME as an excuse to not introduce our child, saying I will not allow it or I am a total b*%#ch (not true) but he doesn't know how to tell a woman he wants to wait on introductions.
For your other question, I haven't met the woman he is currently dating...I figure I will meet her in the natural course of life. When I do meet her, I don't want to get together for coffee, I want to see everyone in a natural setting, see how she interacts with my child and my ex. If it becomes serious, I am sure I will see her more often and some kind of relationship will develop naturally between us. I have no issues, but apparently she is resentful of ME because my ex is responsible & caring with our child & I. Believe me, it's OVER between us, but we will always have the child, so we know we have to get along. I do want him to be happy & if she makes him happy, then great!
Frankly, it's not that important to me to meet her, because if I didn't trust my ex to take care and protect our child I would NEVER let him take him ANYWHERE!!
I just have to trust him to do what is best for the child.
Good luck!!

Answer 6

If you have been with this man a good while and he has not introduced you to his child, then chances are this relationship with you is going nowhere.
If he felt commitment toward you, he would put you into the other situation. Not in a couple of months, but if its been longer than that you really need to have an honest talk with him about where he sees the two of you going. I don't think its the same place you want it to go.

Answer 7

He might just want to see if you and he work out first. He may not want to introduce his child to you and the kid get attached. He may have made a deal with his ex about dating arrangements. Don't worry about it right now, give it a logical amount of time before you push the "meet the child" issue.

Answer 8

okay this does not sound right to me that he wont tell the ex about you or the child? when i was dating a divorced man he introduced me to his child and the ex one night at his house . She was very interested in who was around her child and I dont blame her I would want to know too. This is fishy though that he does not want them to know about you sounds like he has hopes of getting back together with his baby;s mother. i would drop this guy he sounds like a real loser. good luck and god bless and happy holidays.

Answer 9

I agree with you. I could understand at the beginning of a relationship, no sense in introducing each person you are dating. If the relationship becomes serious, then you need to let the ex know. Your split up for crying out loud, its not like your cheating. He needs to let her know. If she can be adult about it, she should be happy for him and it shouldn't affect their relationship. Its all about the child anyways.

Answer 10

my fiance introduced me to his son after we had been dating for about 1-2 months. he said that he WANTED me to be a part of his son's life. he also told the mother, who was not happy at first, but it was not her choice. both parents have the right to make decisions about he child & my fiance was more than responsible enough to make that decision on his own. i think it is important to at least be known about from somewhat near the beginning of the relationship. if you are going to seriously start a future together, you should be a part of that childs life. sounds like he is not willing to "ruin" the good relationship with the mother, but he is willing to "ruin" the good relationship with you. you should voice to him your feelings & tell him what you really want to happen & see what his future plans are to introduce you to the child & the mother. its soooo awkward at first, but then it becomes completely normal...usually.

Answer 11

If he see's those little ones on a commonly used foundation, keep each of the presents, and something else he buys for them at his abode. it really is vitally unhappy that the ex spouse makes use of the little ones in this count number. What does she imagine that is going to attain her? each thing is lengthy suggested and finished - why keep hurting anybody? flow on. tell him to grant his little ones as a lot love as he probably can at the same time as he spends time with them. i'd not be stunned if down the line the little ones ask to go back stay with their father.