Why does your ex husband or wife have to be your enemy?

Question

It seems like alot of questions in the divorce section revolve around women marring a divorced man and thinking that his ex is now the enemy? Why if you were married and had children with a person would you hate them so much now, I can see in some instances of abuse or whatnot why they diserve that but alot of people get divorced over things that wouldn't make them your enemy.

Answer 1

Depends on what caused the break-up and how the spouse feels about it... Some are angry and want vengence...

Answer 2

That's a very good question. I think a lot depends on the relationship the two people who are divorced have. Although some divorces are "nasty", others can be quite amicable.

If there are children involved, the divorced couple will have to be in touch with each other from time to time. It is important for them to find a way to get along. This should have nothing to do with any new partners they meet after their divorce (but it often does).

The people who seem to have the most trouble with someones "ex" are usually insecure people. Their jealousy flares up anytime the "ex" is brought up. They view the "ex" as their enemy because they are "threatened" by them.

If two mature adults enter into a relationship built on love and respect, I don't believe they would have a problem when it comes to their "ex". Confident and successful adults are not "insecure" and have no reason to feel "threatened" by an "ex".

If someone chooses to enter into a relationship with someone who was previously "married" and may have "children", they should be prepared to deal with everything that goes along with it. If they are too insecure to deal with that, then they should date someone who is single!

Hope this helps a bit, it's just my opinion!

Answer 3

Thats not necessarily true. A lot of people are very angry and hurt over whatever caused the breakup; but if people aren't too hardheaded, they can get past it and get along. My parents had the most awful divorce when I was 12; for awhile they were not on speaking terms, but now they talk on the phone often. When I was a teenager, my mom would even call my dad to complain about me and ask him what to do (she had custody)! Now my little brother is a teen and my dad helps my mom out a lot w/ him. With some people, though, their pride gets in the way or they have a hard time getting past all the hurt.

Answer 4

It is a shame that it turns into hate. Some people can't let go and move on. My ex is very vindictive and even though she has another man in her life she continues to fight with me. I have taken the position of "dropping the rope" and not to engage into fighting for my child's sake. I honestly wish she would get some professional help to deal with her issues. If she did maybe I wouldn't of filed for divorce in the first place.

Answer 5

Your ex doesn't have to be the enemy. It shouldn't be that way - if it can be helped. Both should act like adults, be strong for the children. In some cases, yes, it can be more difficult, like the abuse cases. Its just about being petty and letting things go. I would want to see my ex happy, so that its a good environment for my child.

Answer 6

Some people have really hurt and betrayed their ex partner in the past, and they find that hard to forgive. I hate my first ex because he cheated on me and had been having an affair for 6 months behind my back, he did not have enough courage to tell me either, I caught them. I don't hate my second ex husband, although he also cheated, he confessed to me and did not humiliate me for months, we are divorcing but it is an amicable split.

Answer 7

depends on just what caused the breakup in the first place, it is best to get over it if there are children involved, but not always the case. my son in law had an ex wife, and she is constantly causing troubles, and it's a constant thing of going back to the court system, and causing more trouble. she is the one who left him, but the minute he married my daughter, all hell broke loose, because the ex saw she had made a mistake, she saw his life prospering, and all she had was a string of bad relationships with men who weren't worth what my son in law was. so she continues to be jelous, and keeps causing grief to all involved. she didn't want him or value him until she saw him with another.

Answer 8

my x and I have been sep and divorced for over 1 1/2 years We are not enemies. yeah it will never be the way it was. I dont Hate HIM I just Hate what he DID to me (affair) If you view it that way...alot of hatrid in this world would NOT exssit

Answer 9

It all comes down to people being selfish, especially if there are children involved. It makes me sick to see divorced people using their children to get back at the other one. My son's dad and I have been divorced for almost 20 years and we have always put his needs first. People need to think of their children's feelings first and act civilized.

Answer 10

You don't need to be enemies. If you do meet with your ex, please let you present spouse know or be with you. When they meet in private or don't tell you, that is a problem. Ex's are not the enemy. It apart of your partners /your past that cannot be erased. Your spouse is with you now. Try to be apart of his/her family as much as possible. You don't need to best buddies with the ex.

Answer 11

my ex-husband and I are friends, and it is true that I don't find him sexually attractive anymore, but more like a brother, but for my kids sake I had to become friends with him, I have forgiven him for the things that have happened, but when it comes to him hurting my children, for instance, not coming to pick them up and take them out for dinner/movie and no child support/ no help with school clothes etc. etc. that's when the claws come out!