I just found out that I am pregant and I can't decide whether or not to tell the father. We broke up almost a month ago and I don't want him to stay in the relationship just because of a baby. We are older and have both been married before and have children. We know that marriage doesn't work just for the sake of the children. I am afraid that he would want to try to make it work, and I don't want him to feel obligated to be with me. I have children already, and I could do this on my own. He is older and is not really wanting more children. I don't want to burden him with this. What should I do? Do you think he really has to know? What if I wait and tell him later when the baby is born? Then maybe he wouldn't feel as compelled to be in a relationship.
2006-11-29 01:21:33 · 36 answers · asked by law_student_74 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
It pretty much just comes down to if you want to tell him or not. It is his child and even though you aren't together anymore he does has a right to know that he is going to have a child.
If you decide to tell him then when you sit down with him tell him everything that you said on here. Tell him that you know want to try and be in a relationship again because it didn't work the first time. You could tell him that you wanted to just let him know and leave it up to him if he wants to be a part of the baby's life. Every child deserves the opportunity to know their father. If he decides that he doesn't want to be a part of the child's life then it is his loss.
Good luck in any decision you make. Also congratulations on the baby. I know the circumstances are really ideal but every baby is a blessing.
2006-11-29 01:40:06 · answer #1 · answered by kelley2387 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion you should tell him. The timing is up to you but I would recommend you tell him before you start showing since you can still claim you just found out. I am not a proponent of lying, especially to people important in your life, but some men get very offended that you did not tell them right away. My husband expects to see me pee on the stick if we suspect I am pregnant, that's how soon he wants to know lol. Waiting until the baby is born would be a mistake. He would feel like you have been lying to him for the better part of a year and there is no reason you would not continue to do so. Once trust is broken in a relationship it is very difficult to get back as I am sure you are well aware. If you make it clear that you do not intend to resume the relationship in any romantic form, I doubt he would feel obligated to force it on you. If you also state that you would like him to have a role in the baby's life and be friends with you, that gives him a nice option. If he wants nothing to do with it, then you have your answer. While it is very difficult to raise a child on your own, you seem prepared to do it if he balks. I know it seems funny, but try playacting it out in front of the mirror so you can see what may work and what may not and what his reactions may be if you know him well enough to predict them. Above all, stay as calm as you can. That tends to keep the peole around you calm as well. Whatever you decide, Good Luck, it's a tricky one.
2006-11-29 01:53:17 · answer #2 · answered by experiencedmotherof4 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
regrettably, those indications are not unique to being pregnant. some can point out which you have become ill or that your era is approximately to start. Likewise, you would be pregnant without experiencing any of those indications. different being pregnant signs and indications comprise: a million. Implantation Bleeding 2. postpone/difference in Menstruation 3. Swollen/mushy Breasts 4. Fatigue/Tiredness 5. Nausea/Morning ailment 6. Backaches 7. problems 8. ordinary Urination 9. Darkening of Areolas 10. nutrients Cravings although in case you decide on a shown answer on no rely in case you're pregnant or no longer, what you're able to do is to take a house being pregnant try one week later after your ignored era. in case you're particularly pregnant by then, the being pregnant stick would have the potential to stumble on it through extreme hormones point. yet another decision is to work out a doctor and have a blood try taken.
2016-10-04 12:29:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't see what you have to fear in telling him. Your expectations of his involvement are low and you are apparently not concerned about this anyway. Just tell him. It's the 21st centuary we have sexual equality, including responsibility for our children. He has the right to know and you have a morale obligation to tell him.
Personally if such a thing was hidden from me for any length of time I would be very angry. I can understand that women feel it is their decision because they carry the baby, but is that right? Similar logic was applied when people thought women should stay at home look after children etc.
2006-11-29 01:38:39 · answer #4 · answered by Bohdisatva 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell him as soon as possible. Put your self in his shoes nad what would you want. I think that it will not be the easiest thing to do but sit him down and tell him that you are pregnant but you don't want to be together. He will more then likely understand the feelings that you are having becasue he will have the same. Do NOT wait unitl the baby is born, just in the rarest of rare case something may happen and then you haven't been fair enopugh to give him a chance to be in his babies life. It just isn't fair!!!
2006-11-29 01:28:49 · answer #5 · answered by mommy of two 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you defintily need to tell him, if you wait till after the baby is born he may become suspicious as to why you waited to tell him, and if you do not tell him at all imagine how your baby will feel growing up without a father. this is a serious issue not just something you keep from someone. if you are goind to be selfish and avoid telling him to avoid being in a relationship think about the baby and what he/she will think when they are older and have no father.
2006-11-29 01:28:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl if you are 100% sure he is the dad i would tell him but only if you are 100% sure. i mean you two dont have to get back togeather but he has a right to know he has a child on the way. ok so pls just tell him and take it one step at a time ok. tell him you dont want to be with him and you dont want anything from him you just thought he should know incase he wants to be in the babies life
2006-11-29 01:31:50 · answer #7 · answered by Chanti 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He does have the right to know. Plus he needs to help pay for a baby he helped make! Youo have the right to decide if you let him be a part of your life again. Dont do it for the baby....thats unhealthy!
Its your life on the other hand and if you would rather him not know then thats for you to decide! But whats going to happen when baby wants to know her daddy?
I wish you the best hun. Your the mother so what ever you decide is best for you and the child!
2006-11-29 01:26:46 · answer #8 · answered by angelmwilson 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell him, he has the right to know. If he didn't want a baby he should've used protection so if he gets mad he should know that it was his mistake. It doesn't matter when you tell him, you could wait till you feel more comfortable. The baby should know its father. Good Luck
2006-11-29 02:15:11 · answer #9 · answered by anna♥ L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes tell him. he will be very mad if you don't and take it out on the child. he wants to be a part of this whole thing. tell him now. and allow him to come with you to here the heart beat and when the baby is born. you can just tell him you don't want anything from him.
2006-11-29 01:32:27 · answer #10 · answered by littleluvkitty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋