i am afraid of commitment due to childhood trauma?

Question

i have met a girl who i am really fond of but due to abuse as a child im finding it hard to give all of myself too her and find it hard even to cuddle and kiss what should i do no counceling though it is too hard to talk about

Answer 1

Talking about it and working through the trauma is the only way to learn to love yourself again. Until you can do this you will never give yourself all of yourself to any one because you cant accept what happened to you. To move forward you need to accept what happened to you and get it out of your system. Right now it may be hard to talk about. But you need to be self aware. Self-awareness is the key to recovery and healing. Yet self-awareness is a two-edged sword for survivors. It puts them in touch with intense emotion and batters against the defenses of avoidance. By talking about it through councelling will help you to free yourself to give your self to some one with out been scared or holding back.
You may not like my answer. But there is no other way by not talking about it and bottling it up inside will cause you to behave the way you already can see. And holds you back from reaching your full potential and enjoying the life you deserve.

Hope you find the answers you are searching for

Answer 2

If it's too hard totalk about your issues, you'll likely never get past where you are now with them and, worse, things'll get worse. This kind of 'baggage' and dysfunction can't go away, can't get better by itself, and will cause you to try to be more protective of your pain in the years to come.
You gotta' find a counselor that you feel comfortable with.
I have counseling every week, I take my daughter, and my adult son has contact with my therapist as well. When something painful comes up, I find that I will face it and deal with the frustration, hurt, anger, all the stuff that's inside me because of the past experience. When those moments pass, I'm left with a feeling that a burden has been lifted from my heart.
For you, the pain of facing that awful problem you hide will continually cause you more pain than working on fixing it.
Please reconsider. At the very least, you'll have to try to tell your girlfriend something about it, then you'll be leaving her out in the cold, unable to help you, then the two of you'll be hurting. Gotta' fix it, your happiness is waiting . . .

Answer 3

Hi Ricky honesty really is the best policy here, i know it is difficult but if you can when youre ready tell her if you truly want to be with her, counselling is very hard at first but once you start talking about it you wont look back, in fact youve already taken a huge step by asking at the very least a few thousand people here for advice.

All the best and please dont lose sight of what you want in life.

Answer 4

I met my husband 18 1/2 yrs ago,we have been married 17 yrs,And I went through the same thing. I was sexually abused,mentally abused and physically abused a few times. But when I fell in love with him I knew I could trust him with everything.I think you just know when love happens. If it's true love you will start to let down your guard.Good Luck.

Answer 5

Counseling is your best option. If you are not willing to talk to someone that is unbiased and by law has to keep what you tell them in confidence you can't find healing. Why would you not be willing to get the help in dealing with this that you need? That is the larger question. It's only going to hold you back from living a fulfilled life and create problems in all aspects of your life until you deal with it.
Get over yourself and get professional guidance.

Answer 6

Well, I know this might sound hard.... but unless you can get over what happened in your past, you will never (as you can tell now) get on with the future.

You have issues and you need to resolve them.

Resolving normally involves talking about them, be it with a councillor - your partner - a buddy....

Some things are hard to talk about, that's true, but not talking about them does not solve anything. Things just build up and up and you will probably loose out on a lot of things (and relationships) if you can't get over, or come to terms with your past.

Answer 7

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Answer 8

Sorry, but deep emotional trauma cannot be treated without conseling, if is so severe that you have intimacy problems.

Talk to a pastor, rabbi, counselor and therapist to help you sort things out. No one should have the resposability of curing your traumas and you cannot push away ior hurt this lady because of it, it's not HER fault, but she is paying the consequences.

If you are serious about her and serious about getting better, then seek help of get at least a self help book,.

Good luck

Answer 9

Well unfortunatley i know its not what you want to hear but the only way you are ever going to be able to get on with your future is if you let go of your past and the only way to do this is through counselling. i know it will be hard especially at first but believe me it is the only way. if you want to be happy and live your life without your past ruining it you'll just have to bit the bullet and go and talk to someone. good luck :-)

Answer 10

Hun, be honest with the girl and tell her your problems with intimacy. She'll appreciate the honesty.
When you're ready for counceling, go to it.
Been there done that myself and trust me, counceling does help loads...but only when you're ready for it.