I love my husband but apart from other problems i can't get over that he is still paying his ex-wife child support for his 21 year old son. My kids lived with me and my husband but they never gave us any money towards house keeping or food. I say it is different if they are at home but his son and daughter live in another country with their mother. My husband pays his ex -wife child support for both children i say ok for his 12 year old daughter but i asked him not to give the money to his ex for his 21 year old son who is working. I suggested if he wants to help his son to hand the money over directly to his son for living expenses seeming he feels the need to pay. what do you think? I have a great relationship with the children so that is not the problem. Is my husband just too kind hearted? I do love him!!
2006-11-29 00:56:34 · 8 answers · asked by angel 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't get me wrong i am not against him helping his children regardless of their ages i just dont think his ex-wife should have the money for the 21 year old
2006-11-29 01:11:02 · update #1
Legally he no longer has to pay for the 21 year old. And I think the son if working should be allowed to try and stand on his own 2 feet. That said I think if the father feels guilty etc and still wants to give money. Or just can give the money because it's not an issue. He should give it directly to the son through the kids bank account once a year on x-mas. So have him stop sending payments monthly. But give him a lump sum as an x-mas present. Though it's a good thing he wants to pay. He already paid when he got married. He paid when he got divorced. Now it's time for him to stop paying, forgive himself if he feels guilty. He's remarried. YOU'RE his wife and if this is a sticking point for obvious reasons he needs to acknowledge that. And these other folks giving you the story he should keep paying are folks who'd want a "free ride" like that if they could get it.
He's 21, the ex needs to get her money from somewhere else and or hubby will need to start paying for TWO ex-wives!
2006-11-29 02:02:17 · answer #1 · answered by Cybrocupid 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are right about that, thats for sure, maybe his ex is very domineering, and he feels he has to do this to keep the peace. If he wants to help his son that is great, but he should just give him the money directly, who knows what his mother is doing with it. Which makes me wonder why she would insist on him giving her the money directly when the son is 21 and able to manage it on his own. If this kid has a job, he shouldn't need that much help for living expenses right? Have a serious talk with him, not her, and let him do the talking. He needs to suck it up and stand up to this controlling woman. I wouldnt say you are judging too harshly, you are being realistic. There might be more going on here than you know, have a talk with the hubby. If I am wrong and she is not controlling him, then leave it be, he is doing it because he wants to. If she starts asking for more money or somthing I would intervene, or if he is 30 and your hubby is still giving the mom "child support" for him
2006-11-29 01:01:20 · answer #2 · answered by dramafreak 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I definitely think that he should stop paying child support for his son. His son is old enough to have a job and support himself, regardless if he lives with his mother or not. And I find it very shady that your husband's ex-wife is actually accepting the money for his son. That right there does not teach their son independence- it's just showing him that people can just hand him money instead of earning it.
2006-11-29 01:49:56 · answer #3 · answered by hevs55 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His kind hearted. Best thing you can do, is to get the 21 year old bank account number and pay in his own bank. His grownup now. Remember your husband feel responsible for his ex-wife kids, and it is his responsibility. His very good person, wish there were more of him in this world. Support him, because by paying this money it makes the cab between his children and him a little smaller. They are far away and he loves them, they are his blood.
2006-11-29 01:06:17 · answer #4 · answered by confussie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you, child support stops at 21. He could give the money directly to the child, or put it in savings for you two.
2006-11-29 01:42:46 · answer #5 · answered by Lotus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he has the right to do what he wants with and for his children and he wants to help the 21 yr old out that is his business . I know that you think it is wrong well frankly that is none of your business . You married this man knowing he had other children by his 1st marriage . Leave it alone and yes you are judging him too harshly. good luck and god bless and happy holidays.
2006-11-29 02:28:06 · answer #6 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, I think you are judging him too harshly. He set out to have a family with this woman and it didn't work out. But he's a responsible person and wants to ensure his other family is taken care of. If he can do it financially, I don't see any reason why he shouldn't.
2006-11-29 01:00:12 · answer #7 · answered by Reo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your husband takes fatherhood very seriously, and you should be proud of his commitment to his other children. Too bad more men aren't like him. As long as your husband also takes care of you and your home, stop worrying about what he chooses to do for his ex and their children, irregardless of their ages.
2006-11-29 01:04:44 · answer #8 · answered by grandm 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋