Does my friend have multiple personalities?

Question

One day my friend will be all about being a great mom and wife and will try really hard to be a nice person, but the next day I'll be talking to a whole different person. She'll talk about going out to bars and kind of laugh at how drunk she got and about how much she hates her husband and wishes she could get away from him and just take one of her kids with her(she has 3). Then a few days later it's back to being super wonderful mom and a great wife again.

Why does she do this? I seriously can't keep up with which person that I'm going to be talking to. It's not like she names herself different names or anything so obvious, but it's driving me crazy. I really like her, but she makes it so hard to be friends with her because I never know from day to day which person or personality I'm going to be talking to. Should I finally say something to her even if it ruins our friendship? I don't know if it will ruin our friendship, but I never know what to expect with her.

No, I don't go to the bar, so it's not like she's trying to be like me. She did have a really rough childhood and had her first child at 15. I guess I should be more understanding to her situation.

I guess it's normal to be sick of your everyday life, but with her its just so extreme. Like for one whole week she'll go out drinking every night, but the next few days she'll stay home and "pretend" to have a great home life and then it will start all over again.

Answer 1

From what you've said above, it doesn't sound like it. People with multiple personalities usually have multiple or secret lives -- meaning they have different sets of friends and a whole range of behaviors the other set of friends or friend doesn't know about. People with multiple personalities often compartmentalize them. This means that they are kept carefully hidden from the person they are with; actually, in extreme cases, the person burdened by multiple personalities doesn't know the other personalities exist. Plus, there is always one dominant or controlling personality to keep the lesser personalities in line. However, sometimes the compartmentalization will slip, like a mask coming off briefly, and you will be looking and talking to a person you have never seen before.

If I were to give a diagnosis other than just saying she needs to "grow up", I would say she is suffering from manic depression. This is due to a chemical imbalance in the brain and her behaviors would be exactly as you have described; also, she might go on binges. Shopping binges, eating binges,excessive talking, a sudden binge of engery in which she is going to do great things for herself and for the world, (nothing is beyond her capabilities), shows extreme generosity towards others and then -- snap-- the other side kicks in and she is depressed, negative, feels she will have no self worth, may self mutilate, talk of suicide or even attempt it, etc.

Also, you should be aware that the husband who is wonderful one day and horrible the next isn't the only one being dissed. As a close friend, you probably are as well -- only you don't know it. In these "turn-around" stages, this person will turn on you as well.
Your friend sounds as though she needs medication (despite what Tom Cruise says) to balance this and these are called mood stabilizers. The alcohol doesn't help. In fact, alcohol with these kind of personalities is a big no-no as alcohol-- when imbibed in large quantities and over a period of time -- will actually change the body's chemistry. It will also undo everything the medication is trying to do. Alcohol is essentially a depressant. That's why a glass or two may make a normal person feel good. It "forces down" worries and cares. However, too much alcohol leaves you just that: depressed. And addicted.

Your friend is fluctuating between believing she has a wonderful life and believing she has a horrible life. This is the same person, not many, but she does have problems. Also, it sounds as though she is wearing you out. Tell her to seek help and if she doesn't, sever the relationship. By pulling out, this may be her "wake-up" call. This may sound harsh or uncaring but if she does wake up, you'd be doing her husband and more especially her children a favor. If YOU don't know what to expect, imagine the mixed signals the children are getting.

Answer 2

I would have a long talk with her and tell her your feelings. If she's your friend, she'll listen. Someone has to let her know that her behavior isn't good for her or her family. I would rather have a ruined friendship than a dead friend. Some people are just bent on self-destructing just to get the attention. She needs more help than you can give her, but telling her you see a problem is a start. If she knows that you see it as a problem, it might be the thing that gets her attention where it needs to be...on her family, and onto working through her problems. There's really no way to make someone get help. They have to want it. While you can talk to her and encourage her to get help, whether or not she does is her call. She may turn on you, telling you to never come back. I would honor that request, but try to stay in touch through a friend or relative, just in case she comes to her senses. Some friendships are just too toxic, with one person doing all the giving and one all the taking. It might be time to move on. But, it sounds like you're the only friend she has, so I'm hoping she'll listen to what you have to say and get the help she needs. Sometimes we don't always see things clearly, and need a little attitude adjustment by our friends. Hope all works out well. <*)))><

Answer 3

I don't think your friend has multiplr personalitites. What I believe is that the super-wonderful mum "face" is the person she thinks she should be, so she projects that to others. But sometimes, she can't stand it, and that's when she says all the other stuff to you. That's herself crying out, tired of being a perfect, responsible person. It's quite normal. Not very healthy, but it happens to a great deal of people.

Answer 4

It's time you talk to her... really... If you want to be a true friend you will talk to her. Maybe she just have lots of problems, childhood history… Talk to her the day she is a super mom, then she will listen. Why will it ruin your friendship if you jut talk to her. Be careful, people like that can sometimes really hurt you.

Answer 5

Multiple personality disorder is very rare. It is more likely that your friend is bipolar.

I once had a roommate who was very much like this. She could be the most delightful person for a while and then she could be weird. I stopped rooming with her after one semester - couldn't stand it. I was very young and did not realize that she probably had a bipolar medical condition.

If you can persuade her to see a physician it might be helpful to her.

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Answer 6

it does sound like she has a prolem but have 3 kids and being married is hard in its self do you have children? maybe she just try to relate to if you go to the bar you know try to fit in maybe she does have a mental problem it could be a bunch of things i would be honest and try and help her not call her out good luck

Answer 7

She sounds like she is bi-polar (manic-depressive), not schizophrenic.

It is up to you as a friend to make her realize this behavior. gently tell her that her emotional roller-coaster is taking its toll on you, and you notice how it is affecting her as well. Suggest she talks to her doctor (don't say psychiatrist).

At worst, she doesn't talk to you for a few days, but your conscience will be clear in knowing you did the right thing.

Answer 8

tell her how you feel and ask her if she has noticed what has been going on, its probably just nothing but if she fails to see what shes doing then advise her to seek professional help.

Answer 9

She just wants to have fun and is tired of trying to do everything right, everything she's "supposed to" do.

Answer 10

All people are deeply variagated and multifaceted and i don't know why we resist this so much.