me and my boyfriend is about 7 months now.. and I felt that his family doesnt like me.. me and his sister had a fight and argued before because she wants me to break up with his brother and offcourse i didnt like that to happen because I really love my boyfriend so much.. his parents talked to me before and asked me if I could just leave their son so he could concentrate more on his studies.. i admit, that hurted me so badly.. though,i know how my boyfriend loves me and cares for me.. i'm still confused.. If you're in my situation,would you just respect his family's decision or won't you just ignore them and hold on to your promise with your boyfriend that no one can break you apart from each other?..
2006-11-28 23:18:44 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
First off, if he is under 18, living at home with his parents, they have parental rights to his coming and going, not who he is involved with but his study time at home seeing that his schooling is being adequately taken care of. It is not your responsibility. If he was not spending time with you it would be someone else. Your breaking up with him will not keep him studying if his parents do not use their authority as parents to see that his studies do not go neglected.
Second, if he is in college living away from home and they are footing the bill, it may seem to them that his involvement with you may jeopardize his studies. If this is the case step back and look at the situation yourself, is all his time and thoughts wrapped up in your relationship? Is his grades suffering because you two are seeing too much of each other and he has no time to buckle down and really study as he should? Think about your future with him. If he fails or drops out of school because of poor study habits it would put a strain on your relationship financially and he may very well blame you, as would his family put the blame on you. The two of you need to sit down and work out a schedule that includes his study time. If your mature enough to be in a relationship and in love then you need to plan long term with all aspects of the relationship, not just the now part.
Third...the real answer to your question. My spouses family never approved of me. I was 13 years younger and never good enough for him, in their eyes. To say it didn't bother me would be a lie, it did, but I never let it interfer in our relationship. I went to family gatherings and held my chin up. I never put them down to him and our relationship lasted 20 years. I became a friend to his mother and one of his sister-in-laws but that was all, the others, as far as I know today, still dislike me or have nothing to do with me. I don't lose any sleep over it and my life is about as happy as it can be. So don't let them intimidate you. It is your BF that is important and the one in which you will make your life with, not his family.
2006-11-29 00:26:59 · answer #1 · answered by sassywv 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure his parents really meant "break up with him"? Perhaps they meant: spend less time together so that he can concentrate on his studies. Studies are very important. Why aren't you concentrating on yours, by the way?
Life is never just going to be about relationships and "love". Love is part of life, not the other way around. When you are an adult you will have no choice but to give adequate attention to the other areas of your life, and so will he. There will be jobs, things to do around the house, possibly children and their needs. "Love" is not a selfish thing, it's about sharing and forbearing - placing the other person's needs above your own. Perhaps you could agree with your boyfriend that you will have a date on Saturday night, and a telephone call on week nights, until after his exams are over. Perhaps you could also agree that once a month you will have longer together, or also see each other for a couple of hours on Sundays? His studies are important, but just as important is having some time out from them. It's well known that it's necessary to incorporate breaks into study routines. That way he will return to his studies refreshed and mentally alert. And hopefully so will you.
2006-11-28 23:36:23 · answer #2 · answered by Specsy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well Hun you sound pretty young, I think his parents are right his studies is very important, and you should be doing the same, the meaning of a boyfriend and a girlfriend does not mean someone you know and like, it means having a lot of intimacy between both of you, and at a young age its not right to to that, I was once young and from my experience I think you should think about your studies, give yourself sometime to grow up, enjoy your young life because when you do have a serious relationship and ready to get married you would know what you want in life.
2006-11-28 23:28:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
IF you really love this guy you are going to have to deal with the family. You just need to be as gracious as you can and hope they come around. Sometimes the family doesn't know what is best for an individual, they need to let that person make their own decisions. If the family sees that everything works out well then they will more than likely come around and welcome you with open arms.
2006-11-28 23:32:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think aslong as you 2 being together doesn't affect his studies then u should be together ... but if it is affecting his studies ( with u 2 spending lots of time together etc) then maybe u should cool it until he finishes... but if u really love eachother then aslong as his studies are not suffering then be together but remember studies come first always and if u are spendin to much time together therefore affectin his studies then show them how mature u can be by saying to him that u will see less of him until his studies improve.....and i don't mean breakup with him but just slow it down until he improves.....
2006-11-28 23:30:10 · answer #5 · answered by angelindisguise 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it might not be about them not liking you.
But about them worrying about their son being distracted from his studies.
You should work with them by making sure you give your boyfriend enough time to study. You might even tell them of your intentions of make sure your boyfriend does his homework.
My guess would be that if the grades of your boyfriend improve, they will welcome you in their home. It is still the role of the woman in most relations to support her man while he is studying.
2006-11-28 23:36:38 · answer #6 · answered by Aussies-Online 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't break up just yet.... just to make them happy. But one thing to consider : If you end up marrying THEY WILL make your life a living hell. and your children too.
2006-11-28 23:24:54 · answer #7 · answered by jabbergirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have been in this siuation b4 and its not nice his parents liked me till iwas dating him but as much as his dad hated me and i spoke to him and he just carried on but you need to tlk to him and see wot he thinks, thats wot i did and it worked coz he said just ignore them just tlk to him and make a decision between u for the best. if u ever need to tlk u can tlk to me at jade.coote@hotmail.co.uk (msn) and jadecoote@yahoo.co.uk
2006-11-28 23:25:04 · answer #8 · answered by Cootie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont let him go and just let them try and see it from your side.Respect them in the process though.
2006-11-28 23:44:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Convince them or **** them. If they don't want you they can go to hell.
2006-11-28 23:23:19 · answer #10 · answered by Sara 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋