my wife always says shes bi but i didnt think she was honest untill she set up a hot friend to come over and join us for tonight. do you think its wrong if my wife wants to have threesome? should i go for it? and her friend doesnt have a bf and said she could come over and "have her way with me" and doesnt have a problem with it, what do you guys think?
2006-11-28 21:53:43 · 34 answers · asked by hurleyguy182 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I'd go for it. You only live once. Just make sure it's not a test. That happened to me once.
2006-11-28 21:57:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, here is the thing . . . springing anything on someone regarding a threesome is not cool. They take a lot of communuication and planning or it can be kinda detrimental to a relationship. Its not a good idea to go out and get drunk and bring in a third. Nor is it smart to involve a friend etc. Safety and a thorough discussion of "what goes where" and "what doesn't go there" is important for everyone. Oh, most times women set up the threesome regardless of whether its MFM or MFF. That's also a good precaution to ensure she's really down for it. If she orchestrates, you're good. If she doesn't, that is a definite warnign signal.
2016-03-29 15:26:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My stance is that you belong to your wife and your wife to you, so whatever the two of you set for each other is the way it is. But be ready for things to stop at any time when your wife says so, don't get so hooked on it that you can't give it up. But while she's okay with it and if you're okay with it, enjoy!
Also, communicate with your wife. Some women will do this kind of thing thinking that "fair is fair" and want a threesome with another guy in the future. Some women (like my wife, and it sounds like your wife may be the same way) honestly have all the man they need in their husband and don't get jealous of the other woman because they already know they're the best. Find out for sure what her thoughts are on all this, how things will procede going forward, etc. I hate to use a cliche, but a failure to plan is a plan for failure.
2006-11-29 04:33:58 · answer #3 · answered by Sean J 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Bi doesn't mean that she can or should have threesomes. If you are into it, go for it. But know that this can damage your relationship with her (if you slept with another girl, wouldn't that have the same effect?) This is because, in a threesome, one person always ends up as the "third wheel," getting less attention. If this was you, you might feel uncomfortable. If you want a threesome as much as she does, go ahead. No one has the right to point a finger at you, since it is your life and your wife!
2006-11-28 23:23:45 · answer #4 · answered by roxusan 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is not as complicated as you make it. You just need to lay down the ground rules
1.) what is about to happen is not an emotional replacement for your marriage. This is in ADDITION to your relationship. You should make sure your relationship is solid and you both agree that it's about you two. She's not doing you a favor by offering a 3some you are doing her a favor by agreeing to it. Is it an attractive offer for a guy? Yes but the fact of the matter is she wants it, she asked for it and in the end she's getting something out of it so she needs to recognize your willingness to go this route because it could be a slippery slope. You are the one taking the risk because she might just cut you out. And she's getting the benefit of being with a guy who'll let her feel whole or complete by being able to drive on both sides of the road so to speak.
2.) Just because this happens tonight doesn't mean it can happen again without consultation. This is what people try to use as a grey area. I call this the"oh I thought you wouldn't mind cuz we did it once already" ploy. Nothing should be happening behind anyone's back. Everything should be transparent and upfront. It's a matter of trust. If everyone is clear and trusts and respects each other then you can continue doing this at your leisure with minimum risk to the relationship so long as your wife is on the same page with you.
However if you end up walking in on the middle of them getting it on when nothing was scheduled or vice versa then there is a lack of respect and is using the other person to get some fulfillment they think is lacking. Or she used it as an excuse to open a window of opportunity. ie She includes you once and then does whatever she wants. That's a no-no. You are married and she owes it to you to be grateful that you'd be willing to do something like that.
3.) NOTHING happens without everyone being in the "know." (see number 2.) There are established ground rules and a clear understanding. This is not an emotional crutch or a relationship band-aid this is something you are doing for fun. You are her primary emotional support and if you feel like you are being for lack of a better word cut out of the picture or you think she's doing it for something a little more serious then I'd be very careful.
As far as this being a test, I'd toss out all theories of it being a test. If she brought it up then she failed from the moment she decided to test you. If she offers you something then blames you for taking it she's got issues. Because it's something you are doing together. You were just going along.
3somes and things like that if done right can be a very fun and rewarding experience. I'm not a swinger per se but I've got a round or two doing MFM FMF or MFMF (all M's being str8! lol) but I have many friends who are (you'd be surprised how many people actually do dabble. it's more then you think) and they lead happy and healthy lives with happy and stable relationships.
In short, go for it. But everyone needs to be clear as to what the rules are what she's getting out of it and what she expects to happen in the future. Because you don't want to be keeping your eye out for guys AND girls hitting on her. :-)
2006-11-29 01:34:00 · answer #5 · answered by Cybrocupid 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As long as everybody is in agreement with it and you and your girlfriend have thoroughly discussed the whole thing and you are sure there will be no regrets or jealousy afterward you can't discuss as adults and work through, than go for it.
The key to successful swinging is open communication, and lots of it. Talk it through. Talk, talk, talk. Then talk some more.
The reasons things like this go bad is because everybody involved is not on the same page. Either someone is doing it to please someone else and they really don't want to; or it wasn't thoroughly discussed before and it 'just happened' one drunk and horny night, etc.
Everything you do you do it FOR the COUPLE and AS a COUPLE. If it doesn't work for either member of the couple than the couple doesn't do it. Whether it's buying a new car or inviting someone else into your sex life. If doing this benefits the couple by fulfilling fantasies for both of you, than go ahead. If you are in doubt, than put your plans on hold and discuss it some more.
2006-11-29 07:37:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having sex with other people probably will put the nail in the coffin of your marriage. Go ahead and do the threesome. But your wife will undoubtedly be more interested in the other person. You can sit in the corner and **** off with some dumb look on your face.
2006-11-28 22:10:24 · answer #7 · answered by DawnDavenport 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you and your wife have to make this decision for yourselves. i wouldn't suggest having a threesome with a friend though. too much drama involved in it. you'll end up getting jealous or pissed off about any time she spends with this friend if you're not around. i don't think it's wrong that she wants to have a threesome but this is a decision that needs to be made by you and your wife.
2006-11-29 00:50:12 · answer #8 · answered by justtogetbi 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You really don't have much of a leg to stand on when it comes to being 'surprised.' She told you flat out she was bi-you shouldn't have doubted her.
As for doing it with her and her friend, I would tread carefully. It could work out but likely there will be issues. Go watch 'Chasing Amy' the movie-that should give you an idea.
2006-11-28 22:00:20 · answer #9 · answered by John Smith 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's why marriage now-adays is not taken
seriously, as I don't remember in the wedding
vows where I or my wife stated that we would
be doing it with a third party at times. However
that's me and I take my marriage very very
seriously and I have enough respect for her
and she for me that we do not need a third
party to fulfil our happiness or needs.
2006-11-30 13:36:52 · answer #10 · answered by RudiA 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It can be a rocky road to perdition (or divorce) unless you all understand where you're at and you are comfortable with it. I've been the piggy in the middle and, while it's fun, there can be a price to pay, later.
Figure out what you are each happy to let one do to another before you get down and dirty. Once everyone is happy with their role - then have a party!
2006-11-28 22:04:28 · answer #11 · answered by unclefrunk 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋