A hidden truth,
compressed by fate.
A hidden heart,
buried in dust.
Darkness and light,
under one roof.
Under one sky,
hid in battle.
Roses are red,
violets are blue.
Humans are sweet,
That's sooo not true.
Ok, I admit this is not one of my best poems, I think there's soemthing wrong with lines 4 and 8. If you have any suggestions, please just tell me.
2006-11-28 21:52:27 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
Hey I like the last verse, =P
2006-11-28 22:07:57 · update #1
"Buried in dust" could become "Shoved in dust" and possibly "Hid in Battle" could be changed to "Hidden in battle" sometimes the poem writes itself. It doesn't want to have the words changed and your perception of the poem changes over time. Sometimes things are best left as they are. Excuse the use of a quote which I can't quite think of where it came from. Well keep up the good work.
2006-11-28 21:59:22 · answer #1 · answered by waffl3ookiez 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try changeing line four to 'consumed by dust'
Line 8 how about......'competing for attention'
And drop the roses are red totally
Also write out the poem like this.....
A hidden truth, compressed by fate
A hdden heart consumed with dust
Darkness and light under one roof
Under one sky competing for attention
totally forget the last verse Pleeeeeeeeeaseeeeeee
2006-11-29 06:06:47 · answer #2 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
line(4) not yet unveiled. line(8) a life uncrowned
2006-11-29 06:04:05 · answer #3 · answered by Conway 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋