why do i feel like i do? why do i feel like im a total failure in life? i feel like im on my?

Question

IM 36 YRS OLD AND I FEEL LIKE I HAVE COMPLETELY FAILED AT EVERYTHING IN LIFE. I HAVE 3 BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL BOYS, THAT RIGHT THERE SHOULD BE ENOUGH FOR ME TO FEEL GOOD. I HAVE HAD NUMEROUS FAILED RELATIONSHIPS, MOST OF THEM ABUSIVE. WHY CANT I FIND HAPPINESS IN MYSELF? I FEEL LIKE I HAVE GIVEN UP IN LIFE, AND I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD. I KNOW PEOPLE SAY GOD IS THE ANSWER BUT I DONT FEEL THAT IT IS. I FEEL THAT MY PAST RELATIONSHIPS HAVE MADE ME COLD BITTER AND HATEFUL PERSON. IVE BEEN TOLD I WILL DIE A LONELY OLD WOMAN, AND THAT SCARES ME SO MUCH. IM TIRED OF BEING ALONE IN LIFE. EVEN WITH MY KIDS I FEEL ALONE, I DONT HAVE ANYBODY IN THIS WORLD BUT MYSELF. MY KIDS ARE GOING TO GROW UP AND MOVE OUT AND MARRY SOMEDAY AND HAVE A FAMILY OF THEIR OWN. I KNOW SOMEONE ELSE CANT MAKE ME HAPPY I HAVE TO FIND IT INSIDE, BUT I SEE NONE. ALL I SEE IS SADINESS, LONLINESS AND CONFUSION. AND I FEEL IM GOING TO PASS THIS ON TO MY CHILDREN AND THATS THE LAST THING I WANT TO DO, BUT DONT WE

Answer 1

You know, you have not failed completely. You have three beautiful children who I'm sure love you alot.
Right now your self esteem is very low. You need to build your self up. Get strong for the kids. And for your self. Sometimes women end up with awful men, because they feel worthless, and think that they can't get any better. They let themselves get hurt. This is a learned behavior. Usually from parents, or other role models.
You did not have a great teacher to show you what life, and love should really be. Learn from your experiences, and don't let this cycle continue with your kids. End the cycle now.
Teach your sons to love women respectfully. Not to hit women, even if they feel they deserve it. Teach them to treat the women as a honored weaker vessel. It doesn't mean women are weak, it means that their makeup is different than men, and they need to be treated with senitivity. Especially during menstruation times. When they are sick, care for them. If they become good husbands, they will have good wives.
While you are teaching them all of this, you will keep your mind focus on the positive things, not the negative. Even though you might have failed in some ways in your life, don't fail in raising your sons. They can bring you blessings later. They will make you see life can be beautiful.
Be forgiving of your past mistakes. Move on. Get help from a friend or a counselor. You know God does hear the prayers of honest hearted individuals. He wants us to come to him in prayer, and pour out our hearts to him. Tell God how you feel.
It really does help. Pray to God for a man who will be good for you. Pray that you can become better for your family.
In order to find a good man, you must be a loving, kind, considerate of others, and emotionaly strong. Not lacking in confidence. Soon you will heal if you get some help, and work on your self for now. Give it time. Love may come to you when you are no longer looking for it, unexpectedly. Don't just look for love around the closes areas either. We live in a big world of many possibilities. Open up to them.
The pain you are experiencing is hard to deal with, but it will not last forever.

Answer 2

I would go to a dr. and get a blood test for a low thyroid and/or diabetes as these things can cause you to feel exactly how you describe.
Then, if it's not that, I would get assessed for clinical depression or maybe even "peri-menopause". This can happen to women as young as yourself and hormone pills or injections could help.
It might not hurt to add a good multivitamin to your diet with a good dose of calcium and the group of B's as they will help to calm your nerves.
If its not physical then address this with a psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker, minister or some type of counsellor.
You didn't mention how old your kids were, but you sound very worn out and I completely sympathize. Mine are almost grown up now, but I remember days of chasing toddlers and nights of very little sleep. You're right, they will grow up and get married, and you will have a different life. Their need for you will change and you will find other ways to fill your life too.
I know the holidays can be so stressful with all the pressure of having everything happy, happy, happy and just so perfect all the time. The reality of most of our lives is much different. But what you can do is take control of one thing everyday and make just ONE good memory for you and your kids.
It can be something so simple like making a batch of cookies or blowing dishsoap bubbles or building a snowman or fingerpainting or making homemade Christmas cards. Of course it's all going to depend on what your family likes to do and how old they are, but you get the idea.
If you want someone to talk to, I'd be more than happy to e-chat with you, just message me.

And remember there really are people out here who have been where you are and who do care.

Answer 3

OK...here goes: About two years ago I was so depressed and felt the same way. I had been divorced and had horrible relationships after that. I got SO depressed I lost a beautiful house. One month after losing the house I met someone. I was 46 and he was 29. We got into a relationship. It has been almost 2 years and he just proposed to me on the edge of the Grand Canyon. He is the most remarkable person I have ever met and the love of my life. You are probably saying to yourself, that will never happen to me. THAT IS WHAT I THOUGHT! Now I wish I had taken the time when I was alone to work hard and save my house and create a life that would have prepared for meeting him. But we live in an apartment now and I am happy for what I have. TAKE THIS TIME TO PREPARE FOR THE FUTURE YOU WILL DEFINITELY HAVE!!!!! A good bit of advice I can offer you is to go volunteer somewhere where there are unfortunate people....it will boost your confidence and self worth and let you see how good you have it....Hang in there! I could have killed myself or something......lucky I didn't because I am so happy for how things turned out in so many ways. God has things in store for you. He probably knows you are a great person and is being selective about who he chooses for you. Whoever tells you that you will die a lonely old woman is clearly and inconsiderate nutcase...ignore it. And all that "I need to find happiness inside" is a load of crap. Nobody wants to be lonely. And you won't! PREPARE FOR YOUR FUTURE! (ps I WAS ABUSED TOO...but I made a great choice this time....look for someone better the next time) Have you gotten on Match.com or an internet dating site? You can talk to people on there a long time before meeting them and have something to do when you are alone and look forward to! I never really do this but email me at [e-mail] and remind me of this question in the message box. I will talk to you and cheer you up!

Answer 4

#1. Get to a doctor and get your depression taken care of before it gets any worse. Taking all the blame for every bad thing in life and thinking you're not worthy is no way for you to live each day, and certainly not for your children as well. You think yourself a failure, but they see you as the hero you are - MOM. Depression affects everyone around you, not just yourself. IT WILL NOT JUST GO AWAY ON IT'S OWN. Take care of the depression immediately! Take it from somebody who knows and thought the same feelings of worthlessness and loss as yourself...

#2. Realize how truely lucky you are! Wake up and breathe it all in...don't let it pass you by - it only happens once. You have 3 children - many MANY people in this world cannot even have children, and would give their right arm to be in your position, yet you have been blessed with 3. The fact that they are wonderful children is even more of a blessing. You are fed every day and are warm during this winter. The fact that you're 36 means you have been blessed with the gift of life each day. Don't take it for granted, no matter how rotten you find it. Change your frame of mind and be thankful for the here and now!

#3. Pray. Pray in thanks for what you have. Pray for guidance on what to do next. Pray for strength to carry on. Pray for help. Just plain pray. I'm unfortunately not the most spiritual person in the world, but I do know that when I'm down and out, no one in this world can get me back on my feet and feeling right like God does. He knows it all and knows what's the right path for you. Although you may not see it, or ever see it, know that you are exactly where you are meant to be. Even if it is hard for you now, these things you must go through to be the person he wants you to be. Maybe it will make you appreciate what you had before so that when it comes your way again you will make the right choices? Not that I mean to preach, but prayer is the best healer I know of.

#4. Get out and meet new people. Get a hobby. Take up something you once found fun. Take your kids to do something different. Let them choose if you can't decide. Do something to make you feel like you again!

Best of luck, and honestly...been there, done that, and am now grateful for every day of my life - even the bad ones.

Answer 5

what u feel towards urself is due to what u think of urself! feelings are due to our thoughts! so i guess u need to change the way how u think of ur life!
second life is not a question of personal relatinships! if u can't find someone now, this does not mean u have lost the battle!
u still have ur children, just plan some weekends to spend with, and show them ur concern!
and ur still 361 this means it's too early for u to retire and start thinking of ur loneliness1 otherwise u will be wasting ur energy doing nothing. instead of thinking of loneliness, just think what u need 2 do to avoid ur loneliness. keep urself busy with things u like 2 do, and no one will end up being lonely except if u chose to be so! all thru ur life, u can always meet people! all u need 2 do is give some time to meeting people and deciding who should be in ur life and who should not!
even if u spend time with ur children, this does not mean ur children will walk up the door, if u have given them the proper concern!
life is a game of give and take!

Answer 6

Well When I was about 12 I was really heavy set (260 pounds) and I promised myself by my 16th birthday I lose it all but even when i got to highschool I was still pretty big and by my 16th birthday I havn`t lost it all :( But the weird thing is after the passed couple years here I lost a crap load of weight and I keep losing it and don`t know why, now i`m 18 years old and weigh 190 pounds and keep losing it and I done some crazy things in the past including being anarestic I stopped because I started puking up blood 0_0 I wouldn`t recommend it though all i`m saying is don`t give up hope

Answer 7

What i think is that you really need to find a hobby something you really enjoy doing, may it be the gym shopping etc find something you enjoy, maybe think of going to college and do a part time course some thing you enjoy.
"nd on a mirror in your bed when you look in it everyday you feel bad, so what i suggest is put little notes around it of the way you want to feel not how you feel the way you want yourself to be, EG: a happier person, lovable, smiling, confidant, Also do your hair put make up on make yourself feel sexy then go out even if it is just walking in the high street, do it.
Once you find yourself feeling more confidant with yourself is when you can start looking for a relationship.
Good luck, Chin up

Answer 8

The feeling of loneliness and a failure is a general feeling inflicting a lot of people nowadays, specially when your life is not unfolding in a satisfactorily way .
The remedy is to pray for help , join a church group , get immersed in an activity to helping others who are less fortunate than us . Join the church choir or take up dancing lessons or sports , the idea is to get involved in a new activity that will take you away from your hole . Sheers

Answer 9

Firstly you need to stop with that negative attitude.Secondly you need to set realistic goals in your life,small reasonable ones that you know you can achieve.Start small and slowly move to bigger goals.Daydream about stuff you want,how you can get it and then go for it!Achieving these things will definately boost your spirits and your confidence and then you will fell worthwhile.Thirdly,love yourself-if you can achieve the first two,then number three wont be a problem.Let me tell you that if we are miserable inside,it instantly reflects on the outside and no guy wants to be around a miserable woman.So without you even knowing it.guys can detect these things especially vunerable women on whom they can prey on.STOP PORTRAYING THAT IMAGE!Women are only abused if the women allows the man to abuse them.If its something from your past that you have never overcome,then speak to someone about it and overcome it!We cannot bury the past.We have to accept the things we cannot change and try and do something to make our own futures better!We need to make ourselves happy and stop relying on others to do that.You are worth something and God has a plan for you so dont give up now.He will never give you anything you cannot handle so pull yourself towards yourself and make a difference in your own life.We dont even need guys in our lives,they sometimes just bring on the misery so in conclusion,love your sons and yourself and let everything else just fall into place!

Answer 10

All I've gotta say is: That's life and you have to be optimistic.
I can't really advice you much and I do feel lonely too but really, I have to move on. I can't live believing in some sort of luck because all this whole negative scenario is generated by me, myself. All I can do is, I have to move on and restart it all over again. Talk to someone, dear. It's the best option and you already did.