We have been married for 4 yrs. and have two boys. We have always gotten along as friends. She says that there is something that is "just not there". I love her so much and have struggled with some personal issues in the past. She tells me that "she does not see me like that". I assume she means as a lover. She doesn't work at all. I work two jobs and am a good provider for our family, but that means that other areas are neglected (including her). Now that I kinda woke up and realized how I have done many things wrong, I fear it's too late. I can see how she would be hurt by my actions in the past, but I don't want to just give up now. I don't want to divorce her. I want to be the man to make her happy. I am trying to be optimistic about our future, but she is extremely pessimistic about it. She thinks that we should just click automatically. She says that I'm a good husband (now) but she doesn't think she wants to be with me forever. I am desperate for some direction!
2006-11-28 20:15:28 · 7 answers · asked by cohrsman 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Do not divorce. Give it another try by giving her more time, more attention. Seduce her again...
2006-11-28 20:24:05 · answer #1 · answered by marechal_00 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am not married myself, but I have often heard that a lot of times people divorce is because one of them changes too much in the marriage. When one stops being the person s/he was during dating and becomes someone else, even though it is done for the purposes-to be the best wife/husband, the other one falls out of love. Is that what happened to you? If it is, try to remember who she fell in love with and be that man again.
You have children with her, plus you say you love her, so don't give up so easily. Prove her that you realized the mistakes you made and that you are willing to change. Go to the counseling, talk to her, ask her what she wants out of life, not just your marriage, maybe the problem is that she does not feel happy as a housewife. You can also work on improving your sex life if you think that she is not happy with it. It can be done.
Try out all possibilities, and the only way you can do that is to have honest conversation with her about your and her feelings and you marriage. And please do it in no-stress situation for her, maybe during a weekend with your kids at your parents home or something like that.
Good luck.
2006-11-28 22:18:17 · answer #2 · answered by hellothere 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOu mentioned you dont' have much time for her as you have two jobs. Have you sat down with her and ask what she really is missing. Yes you think its you being around more and certainly could be. But do find what it is she is needing if its that. You can perhaps quit one job the money won't be alot as with two jobs but your marriage is worth saving if she just misses you not being around much and thinks heck i can do this on my own I don't see him anyways. so why hang out.
Try going back to the way you were when you were dating . she obviously liked the things you did and maybe with all this work your doing to keep a roof over your heads and kids in nice clothes its getting to be a strain on your marriage.
You might have to go with less that you two will have to decide but you'll have a relationship and you can't put a price tag on love and happiness.
Good luck
2006-11-28 20:26:02 · answer #3 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to GROW UP. Happiness just doesn't "happen", you have to work at it.If you want a relationship to work both people have to put in 100%. Sounds like your trying(stop taking the blame, it takes two) and she's NOT trying. Now as to your original question..to divorce or not. I know I tried and in hindsight I should have grabbed the kids and RUN LIKE H
2006-11-28 20:27:21
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answer #4
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answered by Anonymous
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you need to seek help about your married also she need to get a job and you need to cut back on your job and you watch the kids also you need to take her to a marriage counseling if she wont go then its time to let her go my exwife was like her she used to say we are only marry for the kids and she not happy i work two jobs also any way fouryears later i have the kids and i getting marry to a must young wife who understand the marriage vow i hope its work out for you i try everthing i could to try to make it work no matter what i know how you feel women always think man dont have feely or we dont care and we dont cry hey i did my share belive me good luck
2006-11-28 20:51:25 · answer #5 · answered by nightman122554 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I love my husband enough to let him go, if it would make him happy. To me that is the meaning of true love. To sacrifice your own happiness to make someone else happy. I would willing do it anyday...I might have to do it soon....It hurts like hell. There is that saying...If you love someone let them go, if it was meant to be they will come back, and if not, then it was never meant to be at all. Painfull, but oh so true. I wish you luck...I hope you are the man that will make her happy.
2006-11-28 20:31:32 · answer #6 · answered by Real 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she wants out,let her go.It's her loss,not yours.
2006-11-28 20:19:01 · answer #7 · answered by master_der_man 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋