Who is wrong? Who is right? Both? Neither?

Question

(Please excuse the odd phrasing. I didn’t want anyone to be effected by who the guy is & who the girl is.)

We live on a 5 acre lot. The house is on the higher level & a comfortable little trailer house in on the lower level by the lake.

The internet surfer is glued to the computer in the bedroom. The couch potato is glued to the TV in the Living room. The couch potato gets up, leaves the house to go down to the trailer without telling the internet surfer.

The surfer goes to the living room to say “Lets go to bed.” No one is there, then knowing the couch potato is probably down at the trailer, surfer calls registering a complaint about not telling surfer that potato was leaving house.

Couch potato was asleep & says “I’ll come on up.” No Show (potato falls back asleep). 15 minutes later, same call, same result. The 30 minutes later same call, same result, then 15 minutes more later. Each time the surfer complains of feeling rejected.

An hour and four calls later, potato finally comes up. Surfer is very upset & is even wondering if this is a sign of a bigger problem. “Don't you want to sleep with me? Are you wanting to break up with me?”

Potato says “It’s like an extended room off the house. You could have come down there! It’s no difference from me being on the couch in the other room!”

Surfer disagrees. “I’m in my PJs with no shoes. Finding my shoes & walking 200 – 250 feet away, down a hill, is a big difference from walking into the living room!”

“You were on the computer the whole time anyway!”

“I didn’t want to go to bed without you. I was just killing time till you got back!”

“I did NOTHING wrong! You are making a great big deal out of absolutely NOTHING!”

Again - sorry for the odd phrasing. It is very difficult wording stuff "gender neutral" like this, but I felt it was important.

Big, 3000 square foot lke house.

Cute, refurbished classic trailer.

NOT trailer trash!

Lake house

1. It was after midnight, well past bedtime considering Potato was insisting they had to wake up early the next day.

2 & 3 The first complaint may have been a bit whiny. Each call after that got more emotional, griping, maybe, not yelling.

4.a. Potato just got back from a week long trip & they fight all the way home from the airport. Surfer says Potato picked that fight – Potato apologizes when they get home. “I don’t know why I’m so gripy!”

5.b. Surfer offered a full body massage (suggested for after Potato watched the evening news shows he likes so much.) After the shows Potato “sneaks off” to the trailer & fell asleep.

Answer 1

Next time, slip your shoes on, go down to the trailer and slip in next to your potato for a little comfort next to the lake. Pick your battles, this doesn't seem to me like it should be one of them. Sometimes, you need to join them instead of trying to fight them.

Answer 2

1. Did Surfer just decide to tell Potato when to go to bed, or did was it understood by both that it was past the bedtime?

2. Was "registering a complaint" fussing or yelling, or quietly saying "I wish you would tell me before you leave the house." ?

3. Again when Surfer "complains of feeling rejected", was that quietly, whining, or griping?

4. Are there other signs of a "bigger problem"?

5. I agree with Surfer that "walking 200 – 250 feet away, down a hill, is a big difference from walking into the living room!” but that doesn't mean that going to the trailer might not have been the best choice.

6. “It’s like an extended room off the house?" - NO! It may not be like getting in the care & driving away, but it is not like part of the house!

So it seems like Potato did mess up, at least a bit, but without context, I couldn't judge whether or not Surfer was blowing it way out of context, or maybe just a bit too emotional, or maybe even reacting to signs that something is terrably wrong.

Answer 3

Ur both wrong! Can't u see your relationship wheither married or not is in trouble? U have a communication problem, she's too much on the computer and u into the Boob tube. U really should be flattered that she wants to sleep with u. when is the last time the two of u turned off the computer and tv and just did something together.

A relationship takes work, by her conversation she is worried u don't find her attractive. Stop being a moran and spend time with her. Have a special meal, take a walk to the lake together. Look at the stars, kiss her in the moonlight.

Wake UP, if something would happen to either 1 of u... would u be ok? Or would u be pining saying I wish I did xyz or what a jerk I was... I should of said abc... or I'm sorry but it's too late. Don't take eachother for granted, romance doesn't hurt a relationship. So maybe u don't do flowers but a nice plant might make her realize u still care. Don't u have anything in common anymore?

Answer 4

Surfer needs to work on own feelings of rejection. There is no rational reason why Surfer could not have walked down to the trailer. If you want things to change such as Potato telling Surfer before they leave the house, Surfer needs to communicate this *calmly* and rationally and not when someone's already half asleep.

Answer 5

if couch potato isn't going to try and spend quality time with surfer, maybe surfer needs to get off the internet and spend time with potato.
someone has to make an effort, i mean things aren't going to work themselves out. it sounds like you two need to just spend some good quality time together. one even can leave without the other knowing! i live in a two story house with a lot of commotion (6 people) and I know if my guy's leaving the home.
it's simple really. you two are a couple, right? you are supposed to communicate and spend quality time together.
just get off the couch or computer, and sit with him. it's just that easy. you don't even have to try and start conversation or do anything really, sitting with him is more than enough.
and playing the blame game is childish and if you are more concerned about who's right and wrong than you are about how to fix the problem, maybe you should reconsider living with someone.

Answer 6

Feeling rejected is normal, but should the couch patato have to come rig t then just because the surfer wants it to be that way. The couch patato should have said I will be back in an hour, instead they felt they had to appease the internet surfer. Both are right and both are at fault. COMMUNICATE better!

Answer 7

There is no wrong or right here....but if there must be a wrong then you were in the wrong.I take it the you make great deals out of nothing, don't create problems when there isn't one.You could have easily gone where he was and gotten the same results as if he was in bed with you.I do feel you owe him an apology.If there is peace in your home count your blessings and be happy.

Answer 8

Put the tv and computer in the same room.

Have sex more often.

Don't worrry about who is wrong or right.

Answer 9

I WOULD HAVE FELT REJECTED TOO,WHY WAS THE POTATO EVEN AT THE TRAILER?HAS POTATO DONE THIS SORT OF THING BEFORE?

Answer 10

Thus the saying.....trailer trash....