My wife has made a friend at work because she needed someone to talk to. He's 13years younger and and she insists they are strictly friends. The other day I ran across her phone bill that showed all kinds of text messages last month. About 100 of them to her "friend", but the part that I can't accept is that some were at midnight, 1am, 2am 2:45 am etc... To me anyone calling/texting at that time of night is not calling to see if they be at work in the morning...She still insists it is strictly innocent. Nothing more than friendship. So I ask is that possible to be able to be such good friends with a woman that you can call/text all hours of the night and there be nothing going on?
2006-11-28 18:46:44 · 19 answers · asked by sneaky 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
yes and no! you can have friends of the opposite sex and have no intention of ever being more or doing anything further! some of my best friends are guys and love them to death, but i would rather die than to ever do anything with them. it may make it a little more complicated when you are in a relationship because you have to be able to trust your partner, some people don't have that trust. but what is a relationship without trust?
now calls and text msgs that are after 10 or 11, should be out of the question when you are in a relationship. if my fiance got a text or call in the middle of the night i would be pissed. what is so important that you are texting that late at night? why couldn't it wait til the morning? why such the secretcy?
2006-11-28 19:07:00 · answer #1 · answered by chantal h 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is very very rare. I would keep the phone records and contact a lawyer. Hire a private investigator through the lawyer and find out the truth. Im not saying that it is impossible for them to be just friends its just very very rare. You can tap your phone, it will not be admissable in court but you will know once and for all what she is up to. Some states allow you to sue the home wrecker guy that she is talking to if this actually is an affair. Dont confront her it wont do any good and if she is hiding something she wont tell you anyway. Have a PI tap the home phone secretly, stay a little longer at the store on weekends and in the evening to give her a chance to call him, listen to the conversations and if nothing is going on never, ever mention it. If this is making you uncomfortable she shouldnt be doing this. If you were talking, texting a woman at work at all hours of the night and she asked you about it Im sure you would stop even if it is innocent we dont do things that make our spouses uncomfortable.
2006-11-28 19:00:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, yes it is possible, but whether it's true in this case I think is open to question. The number of text messages is strange. I have a few really close women friends and we don't send that number of messages to each other. I love my partner dearly but we don't exchange that number of messages. It is especially odd that your wife wants to send so many messages, given that she will see him the next day at work anyway - especially that she is apparently awake and sending these messages when any sane woman would be sound asleep next to her husband!
I think you would be justified in probing more deeply into this matter. It may help, too, if you and this man meet. If your wife insists he is just a friend and there is nothing untoward going on, call him yourself and invite him over to your house for dinner or drinks. You can tell him to bring along his wife or girlfriend. If there is something going on, he is most likely to make an excuse but if these invitations are periodically repeated, it will put some pressure on him to resolve the situation one way or another. Psychologically, it will make you "real" to the other man, who I suspect is just "having fun" with your wife.
I was a legal secretary for some years and I saw some sad cases - a married woman meets some man who makes her feel young, attractive and really alive. The husband finds out and files for divorce; the other man realises he's in danger of being saddled with this older woman whom he doesn't really want a serious relationship with, and dumps her; she tries to get her husband to take her back and fails. She's lost his trust and ended up with nothing. We have this saying in the UK: There's no fool like an old fool.
2006-11-28 20:35:32 · answer #3 · answered by Specsy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your situation sounds as if they may be a little more than just friends. At best, your wife may be walking the fine line and just may be enjoying the thrill being persued.......you may want to say something to snap her back to reality.
But to answer your main question "Can men and women be strictly friends without some form of sexual motives?"
From a personal point of view, yes they can, BUT the temptation may always be there to some degree. There's always that little undercurrent of natural attraction between the sexes, whether people admit it or not.
Being the pervert I am, I have probably mentaly undressed and fantasized about most of the decent looking women I have been friends with, at one point or another.....including friend's wives! Heck even my Brother's wife if ya get right down to it.
Of course I wouldn't act apon any of this in a million years, but I'm sure a lot of people would.
2006-11-28 19:05:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's time to tell her you are uncomfortable with her talking to other men WITHOUT you being in on the conversations. Those late night contacts sounds a bit more close than a married man should tolerate.
If she does not know about you having access to her phone records, tell her in no certain terms you would feel better if she kept her contact with this younger man strictly business. You know have a means (Clandestinely) to monitor her activities. If she continues, you will have evidence to let her know you know what's up.
If she is aware about the phone records, one very good way to determine what's going on is lost. I would suggest calling this younger man (don't tell her before hand). You will need to be a MAN about this. No yelling, no threats just talk to him and ask why he needs to converse with her in the middle of the night. Let him know point blank it's time for the non-business contact to stop.
You should also contact HIS boss and let him know this guy maybe abusing company assets. There's a risk with calling the boss, it could get you wife in trouble too.
2006-11-29 03:41:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, have you lost your mind? How can you even be wondering about this? It is not normal for a married woman to be text messaging a guy 13 years younger then her at 2:00 in the morning!!!!! Friends or not. Who is she married to? You or him? Grow some balls and let her know that this kind of friendship is not acceptable. Trust me, if the roles were reversed and it was you chasing a young hottie, every girl on here would condemn you to hell.
2006-11-28 19:07:28 · answer #6 · answered by godeep 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is possible, and yes this is very inappropriate behavior, it indicates a strong lack of communication with you and your wife. But if this continues, and your communication continues to wane, it will be so easy for their relationship to cross the line. It is a very slippery slope, I know. I have had women friends that were just that, but as things started going wrong in my marriage, I started to turn more to them for support. you wife needs to not be doing this. for the sake of your marriage. If I could go back, I would. I have some regrets. good luck to you and your wife.
2006-11-28 18:55:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sure men and women can be friends without sexual motives. I would recommend you that to talk to her and tell how you feel about it I am sure she would understand what's going on in your mind. If she call or sms someone at midnight, 1am or so on, but you don't like it tell her straight way that you believe that someone is her friends but should have limit in calling hours. I think she should understand talk to her nicely ...
2006-11-28 18:59:26 · answer #8 · answered by love_rescue 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Personally, I think no. She may not be actually "doing the deed," but she IS taking time/attention from you to give to him, which some consider cheating in spirit. My husband and I have been married for 23 years--we both have friends of the opposite sex, but they are friends to both of us--we do not exclude each other with any of our friends--not only are there jealousy issues, there can also be miscommunication and "they got the wrong idea" problems.
2006-11-28 18:58:42 · answer #9 · answered by brittanylevesque 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well, well, well. i think that texting at these hours as a married woman is completely inappropriate and disrespectful. maybe it's innocent to her but maybe it is more the other man. why the heck would she text some other man. if anyone she should text you like crazy! she needed someone to talk to? uh....she has you, her husband! you need to confront her and try to make her see it through your eyes. ask her "what, you can't talk to me, your own husband? you need to talk to some man at work?" tell her it is inappropriate to text at these hours and that you feel disrespected. i feel bad for you and mad at your wife and i'm not even you. good luck!
2006-11-28 18:57:17 · answer #10 · answered by abc 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋