When do you stop trying to help an alcoholic that is mean to you when he is drunk?

Question

I have been with my boyfirend for 4 years and I love him but he drinks way to much and when when he does he is really emotionally abusive. He has reacently lost his best friend and his dad but at what point is it ok to stop feeling sorry for him and walk away?

Answer 1

TODAY!!!!!NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO BE EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE TO YOU. I DON'T CARE WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO HIM IN HIS LIFE. INSTEAD OF GETTING DRUNK AND BEING MEAN TO THE PERSON WHO PROBABLY LOVES HIM THE MOST HE SHOULD BE LOOKING TO YOU FOR STRENGTH, IN STEAD OF A BOTTLE. BESIDES PEOPLE WHO DO THIS TO PEOPLE FEEL THAT YOU ARE GOING TO BE THERE NO MATTE HOW THEY TREAT YOU. SO BECAUSE HE'S ANGRY AT LIFE HE FEELS HE CAN TAKE IT OUT ON YOU BECAUSE YOU'LL BE THERE NO MATTER WHAT. I'LL BET HE DOESN'T DO THAT TO ANYONE ELSE, BECAUSE HE KNOWS THEY WON;T TAKE IT. I'LL ALSO BET THAT IF YOU WERE TO LEAVE HIM THE NEXT TIME HE DOES IT (JUST
FIND SOMEWHERE TO GO FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS
BUT MAKE HIM THINK YOU ARE SERIOUS) HE WOULD BEGIN TO RESPECT YOU MORE AND THEN YOURRELATIONSHIP BE ALL THAT MUCH BETTER. SO FIND YOUR BACK BONE AND COWBOY UP.SHOW HIM THERE ARE BOUNDARIES AND HE HAS STEPPED WAY OVER THE LINE. HE CANONLYRESPECT YOU IF YOU RESPECT YOURSELF,AND THAT STATEMENT GOES BOTH WAYS. THE LONGER YOU DISRESPECT YOURSELF THE EASIER IT IS FOR HIM TO DISRESPECT YOU, AND THE WORSE THE HUMILIATION GETS UNTILL ONE DAY YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND CONVINCE YOURSELF YOU DESERVE THE MEAN THINGS HE SAYS. AND BELIEVE ME SWEETHEART NO ONEDESERVES TO BE HUMILIATED BY
ANOTHER PERSON, ESPECIALY BY THE [PEROSN
WHO IS SUPOSSED TO LOVE YOU.;AND BELIVE IT OR NOT YOU WILL FEEL SO MUSH BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF IF YOU TAKE A STAND.

Answer 2

Walk away now. You might be helping him by leaving. My husband and I are both recovering alcoholics. I have been the abuser and I have been the abused. You CANNOT change him, and you CANNOT make him stop drinking. That is a decision that he will have to make on his own, but if you leave him, you could be helping him to see what alcohol has done for him. If he stops drinking (not just TELLING you he did) and he wants you back, give it a shot. If he never stops....move on. Alcoholics only get worse. I know that it will be hard to leave someone that you have shared your life with for 4 years. I was with mine for 6 when I decided to stop drinking and leave him. About 6 months later, my leaving set in. He has been sober for over 3 years now. We got married in June of this year. We now work together in trying to help people with this kind of problem. I wish you all the luck in the world and will pray that you make good decisions, and your boyfreind as well.

Answer 3

Since I grew up around alcoholics, I personally know that it is not easy dealing with them. I'm sure by now you have talked to him about his behavior and I can imagine nothing has changed. And the best thing you can probably do is talk to him about his options for getting help such as AA and let him know that you are there for him if/when he decides he wants help. Alcoholics are tricky. They pretty much need to hit rock bottom before they decide to want help for themselves. An alcoholic can not and will not be helped until he/she wants to help themselves. But knowing what you're going through, if you walk away now, it'll hurt a little less later. Good luck.

Answer 4

At any point, Confront him when he is not drunk and tell him, "You hurt me emotionally when you drink too much. Either go get help, or find someone else." If he really loves you back, he will go get help. You should never have to deal with being abused in any way. I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 5

nobody should have to take abuse from another individual, but sometimes some of us do. only because we love that person, and if you are ok with that thatis the important thing. first, you have to realize that you cant help him unless he wants to help himself. and as long as he has yuo as a crutch he aint going to want to help himself because you are enabling him. its ok to stop feeling sorry for him and walk away when you say it is. nobody can tell you when enough is enough you have to decide that for yourself. but remember this you have to love your self too, do you? or does he make you feel 3 inches tall when ever he is abusive? its ok to stop allowing him to do that to you. why should oyu have to live like that because he chooses to. ask yourself this, would i do what he does to someone i love? you really have to make up your own mind when enough is enough. an dwhen it reaches that point youll leave.

Answer 6

You shouldn't take this enormous task of trying to help him with his alcohol problem and his grievance alone, you are not trained in substance abuse and grief counseling. Get professional help. He must work out his griefs before conquering alcoholism.
Do not leave him because of this reason yet.
Help him, be his support. If you leave, he might feel that he just lost another person. I highly recommend getting professional help. Tell him your concerns/feelings/emotions and he should understand.

Answer 7

4 years ago. You cant help him. Feeling sorry for him wont make him stop. He has to want to. Youre beating your head against a brick wall.

Answer 8

Now, the time is now. If he is an alcoholic and he is drinking you are wasting your time with him. Let him get sober for six months then you can talk.

Answer 9

If he hasn't admitted that he needs help, then you need to walk away now. The abuse will only escalate, you loving him won't save him, he has to choose to save himself. Good luck.

Answer 10

You must be incredibly dedicated to this person, because women have left me for far less serious reasons.