Why am I so dependant on others?

Question

Its hard to describe, I have parents I can't confide in but other then that we get along. Throughout my life I can remember almost becoming dependant on one particular person. The last one I haven't seen for 10 years now, she was like a mother to me, though she was actually my teacher. I miss her terribly and think of her everyday, she won't respond to my occasional email though.

I just can't move on. I know they only way for the hurt to go is if I find someone else to "depend" on but I can't go through it all again. I just can't get her out of my head dispite living a completely different life a few hundred miles away from her.

I admitted the problem years ago. I have tried to do things for myself. She got me through a traumatic event in my life along with a number of other problems.

I am begining to wish I could see a therapist but I can't due to a number of reasons a little out of my control. I guess I will battle on. The thing is when I do achieve something I am doing it alone for myself, but subconsciously she is there.

Answer 1

You've made the first step and that is awareness of your dependancy. Try to break that cycle. I will not advise you to go for counselling if you dont want to but I want to raise the fact that YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE for changing your life and becoming more independant. It all starts by doing baby steps. Beleive in yourself. You are more than capable of doing things on your own. You cannot beat the feeling of actually accomplishing a hard task or goal ON YOUR OWN without the primary help of another person.
Take it one day at a time. Start by doing small things for yourself ON YOUR own and work your way through more complex, advanced things you are not sure you can do.
It is ok to ask for guidance and help occassionally but not depend on someone else and thinking you cannot do it without them.

In regards to your "teacher", it seems like you have idealized her too much in your head. Try to put her in your memory as a milestone that should remain in the past and try to learn from that relationship. Start using this example to prevent yourself from going through the trauma and distress you are going through right now. Find people that are independant and seek for you to be selfsufficient and independant.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Everyone needs someone to confide in, just not so desperately. You are probably going through a bad patch of lonliness right now so try and make new friends or hang around a place that has a lot of animation, people conversation,(with living people in person) this will help you get closer to your own feelings by reflecting with a lot of light hearted events. You need to lighten up and lift your spirits, laugh out loud, watch a comedy. Go to a live sports arena and watch a hockey game etc. go to a place and watch with a bunch of other people a play or a band. It is not good to be alone and if the one you want to be with is not there, love the ones that are there right now. Love is wasted otherwise and that is all that you need right now is a little love and kindness.

Answer 3

You could be obsessed with a certain person. It is like having a
"fixation". It's like being stuck on stupid.....You have said you &
your parents get along well, except you can't confide in them....
You should be willing to open up to them....about most things.
Lack of communication with parents is awful,...I know. But my
mother taught me one thing...she said" Be self-reliant...because
if you don't..you'll be at someone else's mercy". Very true. Just
STOP replaying that old recording in your head....tell yourself that
when you feel a certain way you don't like. Make a new record.
Tell yourself...you will be more self-reliant, and have better self-
esteem. That helped along in my life. Get Scootin........

Answer 4

Everyone, in the long walk of life, has to be dependent on one or the other but it shouldn't be "permanent", it must be "temporal". If you want to move on, you have to be "SELF-DEPENDENT".