Why does it have to be so hard to let people in?

Answer 1

Well its natural to protect and defend ourselves. Letting someone in means expressing feelings, feeling emotions, which sometimes can be overwhelming and theres really no way we're trained on learning to deal with those things except for going through different friendships and serious relationships in life.

We wouldn't let someone come up to us with a knife or gun and hurt us.... its similar in the fact we don't want to get hurt emotionally and sometimes its hard expressing ourselves which is necessary when you're close with someone, so therefor our defense mechanism is to be a little closed off.

But you wouldn't not go outside and spend your whole life indoors for fear of a masked man trying to attack you at gun point.... so why let ourselves be closed off to relationships with people? It is hard, but you don't really live and experience life without giving in to closeness with another person.

Answer 2

It is a matter of trust...when you can let down your guard against, pain and emotional abuse...then you will be able to let people in.
I think maturity also has a lot to do with the feeling that you can let them in and not get hurt. Try it a couple times...just trusting..and if that can't be done. Well, just keep trying...however, I'm somewhat the same. I've been "crushed" so many times that it's hard to let them in. You build this wall and it is supposed to keep all the hurt and anguish out. Somehow it always creeps in and you find out too late. Good luck, just settle for a little at a time...Peace to you

Answer 3

It does not have to be.

If is because of fear.

Fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of pain, fear of being taken advantage of. Sometimes past memories prevent one from living in the present and looking toward the future.



And if you believe some psychologists, especially a lot of them dealing with Russian children now, it is because they weren't held enough as a child, and received very little recognition or positive reinforcement, and had little chance to develop certain characteristics. The human touch is very important in development, especially noticeable in the infantile stage.

There are a number of children in "orphanages" in FSRs now, and their behavior is often quite anti-social. And "orphanage", is really a misnomer, because most of them have parents that simply cannot afford to raise them, and the children are placed in overcrowded, understaffed and underfunded warehouses.

If you wish to go down the Behaviorism route, especially in regards to childhood development, a study of those places will yield a great deal of information, but be careful. In the first place, those warehouses are heartbreaking, and in the second, the observer risks becoming inured to a particular type of suffering and loss of opportunity.

Edit: You could analytically review socialization processes to look for the answers, or if you have a really strong stomach, sociogenetics also yields some interesting information, but has more to do with acculturation. There is a German Uni that has quite a bit of information on Sociogenetics, published in English.

Answer 4

We are afraid to let people in our heart because we know that if we do we take the chance of them tearing it out and stomping on it. Our feelings are our most cherished possession, so it is tough to take a chance on someone crushing them.

Answer 5

People are afraid of being hurt, and they don't often realize that hurt is a part of the process of any kind of relationship.

I know one guy who refused to accept that anyone he ever loved would eventually hurt him (be it intentional or accidental), and he cut off anyone who hurt him.

He's since cut off his best friend of 15 years. And I guarantee you, he's regretting it.

Plus, sometimes, it's easier to keep our thoughts to ourselves because we don't have to worry about being judged.

But if one keeps an open mind and a realistic attitude, it gets easier.

Answer 6

Get a tricky number key pad...that way only the ones you really want will be able to come in. Keys can be copied!

Answer 7

Unlock the door

Answer 8

i guess we are just unwilling to open ourselves up, for the fear of criticism, heart break, embarrasment, failure, etc. it more of a mental block that wont let me move past my own insecurities and self-criticisms. at least thats my reason.

Answer 9

There are so many fake people in the world.

Answer 10

Because of the rejections you'll have to eventually face every now and then.