I am pregnant and my husband doesn't comfort me when I need him. What should I do?

Question

I don't know if this is happening because I am pregnant and it's just hormones, but i seem to be noticing that my husband is no longer interested in me or the baby. He used to be very caring and loving and now he just acts like he doesnt even care. He no longer shows emotions toward me. This usually makes me get angry and tell him all kind of awful things and threaten to take the baby from him once he's born. This I guess is just how i react when I have been hurt, which is how i feel. Most of the time I come to regreat what I said after long hours of crying. Right now he is out of town for a week because of work. I am really sad and dont know wheather to apologize or leave him. I am very confused. I know you dont know the whole story but i need to know wheather i should leave him or try to fix things. I really still love him but I don't want to stay if he does't care for me the same.

Well i guess i should state that i am scheduled to give birth a week from today. At the beggining of the pregnancy he was great and now things have changed so much. I don't even know if he'll be able to be at the birth because his job might require him to be out of town on this day. I was originally scheduled for the 8th which he had asked for to have off but my doctor switched me to the 6th

Answer 1

Hello, dear Angel. This is a very special time for you. You are about to do something that no man on earth can do. You are about to bring forth life. You are a walking miracle. You become more beautiful everyday, even if you don’t feel beautiful. You glitter like a diamond, sparkle like champagne, even if you don’t feel like smiling very much right now.

Okay, here it is. Men can be crappy when it comes to emotional things. This big moment for you is for him, a moment of deep insecurity. Men show their insecurities differently than women. They can become cold and withdrawn. They can sulk and act like THEY are the ones with the hormonal issues.

I bet he is just scared right now. He is probably thinking about the financial and also about the fact that he will not have all your attention anymore. That he will have to share you with a very demanding little newborn and he knows that the baby will win. Right now while you are bonding with your baby, something that he really can’t do at present and he is already feeling left out.

You are WAY more sensitive now than probably any other time in your life, and the negative energy he is projecting is being magnified ten times by your new sensitivity. If he was acting this way when you were not pregnant, you would probably hit him across the head and tell him to snap out of it! But because you are pregnant, you feel like you should be treated like crystal and you should not be the one having to deal with HIS emotional issues. This pregnancy should be about you, not him. He is making it about him. You will have to forgive him for that. When men have to take second place, they start to sulk.

I know right now it all seems hopeless, but it is not. Right now focus on you and your little unborn wonder. Tell him you would like to share all aspects of this miracle with him, but you feel like he is pushing you away. Ask him if he has changed his mind about wanting the baby (that should shake him up. I am sure he loves that little miracle as much as you do but is just scared right now). Tell him that you think he is going to be the best dad in the world. Tell him you are not looking for perfection in a husband and a father. Let him know that any challenges that come up with his new role as Daddy will be overcome with style.

I know, I know, you are the one having the child. You are the one who needs to be comforted. He should be holding your hand, not the other way around. Well the movie dads seem to know what it is all about but in real life, it is usually the mom doing the reassuring. Sucks, I know.

It is okay to tell him that you need to be held, and reassured also. Let him know you are worried about being a good mom. It might make him feel like he has a kindred spirit in you. Try to do fun things that don’t just focus on the baby. Also try to have conversation that is focused on other things than the miracle in the room…you.

If you feel the need for counseling, then go for it. I always say that counseling benefits the woman more than the man because it helps the man get in touch with his inner self which in turn makes for a happy wife. Try not to finger point. I am sure you have pointed out his selfish behavior a time or two and I am confident that it has gotten you no where with him. He probably developed a bigger attitude.

Try to move on from here, because in the long run, you want a happy home for the little bambino. Try to stay strong. Remember what your relationship was like before you got pregnant. It can be that why again (hopefully it was a great relationship pre-baby). Stick to your guns and fight for your relationship. Both you and your baby will be happier in the long run. I wish you the best and God bless.

Answer 2

I feel so sorry for you and for him both. You obviously love and respect each other and would let nothing come between you, not even all the crazy dysfunctional stuff that you've both been through together. I am your biggest fan and supporter. I have been here with you through thick and thin, all of your questions have really sucked me into the drama that is your life. It clearly has to be the truth because no one would make up any of this stuff. Who would have the time to come up with that many situations if they weren't actually true? Your questions history is a great read, and truly captures the real picture of how interesting you are, and how much you need the advice of people on yahoo. Just know that we all care very much about you and whatever you decide we will support you, as we will definitely hear about what transpires in the next day or so. I'm certain it will be interesting enough for you to get about 50 answers from people.

Answer 3

You are dealing with a lot of hormones right now. However, some men become jealous of the new baby coming and all the attention that is focused on you and the baby. Especially if this is your first baby together. Men like the attention of their wives consistently, and when I say consistently, I mean such as; your being there to cook for him, wash clothes, go out with him, etc. When this ceases because you can no longer handle all of your normal routines together, many men become a tad bitter. Givfe him some time and see how he reacts after the birth. If I were you, I would not make any decisions right now. Congrats to you and your new blessing.

Answer 4

My wife is about to go give birth to a baby girl next month and even though I haven't been able to be with her through out the pregnancy, she is in Mexico awaiting an immigration interview, I am in the States, I can relate to your situation from what she has told me. Women do tend to get very moody and depressed and your feelings become very confused. Some men also tend to develop what you describe from your husband.

I would strongly suggest that you both see a therapist or a counselor, talk with your Doctor and ask her for an evaluation and recommendation for the two of you. The last thing you want to do is separate or get a divorce. Its a very special time in both of your lives and you should see it that way and have a positive attitude always, your life will be much easier.

I used to be somewhat negative, and believe me it will eat you up, find good books, try some hypnotherapy and life will become much better. I was given some anti depressants and they made me feel really drowsy. I highly recommend you download or purchase some hypnotherapy audio Cd's, you'll be glad you did it.

When your husband arrives from his trip, tell him your very sorry for the way your attitude has been towards him, tell him how you feel and ask him what you both can do to have that zest back in your life.

Good luck with your baby and your relationship.

Answer 5

Hi... having had 2 kids.. I feel your pain. BUT i do want to give you some advice.. Do not make any decisions while you are pregnant. I know it is hard.. but you are sooo hormonal... and that is not to say that the things that are hurting your feelings aren't real.... it is just that in a "normal" situation (non-prego) you might not consider these things a huge deal.
My advice for you is: Talk to your hubby. Tell him how you are feeling. ALSO.. tell your doctor that you are feeling depressed and see if there is anything they can recommend.
Stay strong! It is very hard. You are going through many changes and this is just a small amount of time. :) Try to enjoy your pregnancy and stay calm! the more relaxed you are the better your delivery.... Get a pedicure and take it easy! :)

Good LUck HTH

Answer 6

You and your husband have a lot of issues happening and you express the situation clearly. So clearly I can almost feel his treatment of you and how you are suffering.

Unfortunately, There is not much mention of the upcoming child. Your emotions and reactions have an effect on your unborn child according to what I have read, and you want to add that kind of stress on a child that hasn't even been born yet.

You might want to concentrate on becoming the best mother you can be which often means put your child's best interest above your own. You want you child to have the best shot in life, the best chance. That's what I would be thinking about.

Answer 7

Is this your first baby together? He may just be scared. Before he had just you and him to care for and now there's another life depending on him. He may also not see it as a baby yet either. My husband could not realize that ours were a living thing until the ultrasounds. You want and need him more now and that may scare him too. Talk to him(not fuss).Ask him what he is feeling. You are more than happy to share your feelings,but is he. Give it some time and let it all sink in for him. I hope everything works out OK. And congrats on the baby!!

Answer 8

Whatever you do don't write a letter like the person above suggested. Letter doesn't convey a person's feelings accurately, more over when someone hates someone a letter will only worsen things and not make it better. Nothing is like face to face talk in a loving caring way.

Just wait for a week and deliver the baby, don't think of anything else. No matter what you're gonna deliver the baby. Whatever decision you make, make it when you're stress free (i.e. after you deliver your baby).

Just a little patience please. When you get frustrated, just tell yourself, "This will pass".

Answer 9

Well, sweetheart, you're right about one thing. I don't know the whole story. So, I can only give one answer. I would ride it out, let him know how you feel in a calm rational manner, and let him have the chance to fix things. I wouldn't do anything rash, until after the baby comes and even then 6 months after because for the hormones. Hope this helps!!!

Answer 10

First and foremost you need to calm down so you can really think about the problems. Since he is out of town why don't you write how you are feeling in a letter to him. Give it to him when he comes home. If he still seems to be neglecting you, offer couples counseling. He could be dealing with the fact that he is going to be a father and nothing will be the same in his eyes anymore. If he refuses couples counseling possible being seperated for a while could be the key. You both may need your own breathing room and I bet part of him thinks you will stay with him because of the baby.