Take back a Boyfriend who's cheated?

Question

Yes another of these questions lol.

The situation:

My boyfriend and I had been together for 3 years. Recently he cheated on me with one of my friends who has been continually throwing herself at him. He says he's totally sorry, etc etc and wants to be back together.

I always thought, "once a cheater always a cheater" however now its happened to me and I love him so much even though he's done what he has.

He says he will do anything, he never loved her, doesn't know why he did it.

So my question is..... how do I deal with this? He is a great guy with a very kind heart, my best friend, and someone i thought I'd be with long term. Now although I want to get back together, I'm scared. I love him but i still have the pain. How can I work this out?

Ok maybe i should clarify.. when i said she threw herself at him, thats not his words - thats mine. And its something I had talked to her about and to him about.... so yeh you can say i was really stupid too!

Answer 1

He cheated! true. But look at what you're saying.

"My boyfriend and I had been together for 3 years." 3 years together and now this happens. For three years he was with you, faithful while he could have been with someone else. 3 years is a long time.

"Recently he cheated on me with one of my friends who has been continually throwing herself at him." You knew this friend of your's was throwing herself at him.

"He says he's totally sorry, etc etc and wants to be back together." He's realized his mistake and now knows that those 3 years were the best 3 years of his life.

"I always thought, "once a cheater always a cheater" however now its happened to me and I love him so much even though he's done what he has." Even though he's cheated on you, even now looking at what you're saying, you don't want to loose him, you want to be together.

"He says he will do anything, he never loved her, doesn't know why he did it." Was there any alcohol involved, did you two just get in a fight prior to that? He doesn't love her, he's been with you and loves you. That's why even though he made a HUGE mistake, he's apologizing and is willing to do ANYTHING for you.

"So my question is..... how do I deal with this? He is a great guy with a very kind heart, my best friend, and someone i thought I'd be with long term. Now although I want to get back together, I'm scared. I love him but i still have the pain. How can I work this out?"
Look at what you're saying "He is a great guy with a very kind heart, my best friend, and someone i thought I'd be with long term. Now although I want to get back together, I'm scared. I love him but i still have the pain." Even now you still love him, you just said hes a great guy, kind heart, best friend. Where are you going to find another guy like him? For 3 years you've been with him, by now you know him in-and-out and the way you're saying it, he seems sincere.
I'm not trying to throw fuel on the fire but people make mistakes. You just have to pick yourelf up, dust off and go on with life. This was once! Make that clear to him that he will pay for what he has done. If he does cheat again, no more, LEAVE HIM! But for now, since this is his first and last time, give him a second chance. I'm pretty sure if he gave 3 years of his life to be with you, he really cares about you. And this is probably way, way harder on him, since he is at fault.
Who is to say that maybe 5 years from now you won't cheat on him. I hope not but no one knows.
As far as your PAIN it will eventually go away as you two get back together and things return to normal. Effection and caring sets in and before you know it life will take on it's roll.

I wish you all the best... Good Luck!

Answer 2

In most cases once they cheat they may do it again but there are some who learn there lesson. Yall have been together for 3 yrs so take some time and think about what you really want talk to each other. If you get back together make sure he knows he is on thin ICE and if he does it again you will never take him back b/c that will prove to you once a cheater always a cheater.

Answer 3

I do believe everybody deserves a second chance. To be happy, you have to listen to your heart. But hey gurl, please make a decision that uses half of what your mind says.

Once a cheater is always a cheater is true, always remember it. However, there is always an exemption to any rule, I just hope when you use your heart to decide, it will not cause you further pain.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Darling, while your heart may still be reeling from your bfs cheating, it should be obvious he not only a cheater, but a liar. Using the excuse that your girlfriend THREW herself at him is the oldest lie in the book. Oh yeah, that the devil made you do it? Yeah DITTO on that one too! So if you like being lied to and cheated on, go back to him, if you have one ounce of self respect, you will just keep walking. You so deserve better than this one! Good luck to you!

Answer 5

It sounds like you've already made up your mind to get back together with him. You're defending him. Do you think this is the first & only time he's cheated on you? A kind heart doesn't cheat on someone they love. Whether or not your with him you will probably still love him for a long time, which can make things very hard. It also sounds like your being hard on your friend (she threw herself at him). Don't forget he cheated also, it takes two to tango, as cliche as that may sound.

Answer 6

i say lose the friend that got with the guy that you love. you have to think that if she is going to do it once than she will do it again. as for the guy i have always said once a cheater always a cheater but you may have this guy changed. i hope the best for you and every thing that is to come.

Answer 7

whilst he unexpectedly has issues to do this he in no way had to do previously...whilst he avoids your calls, or isn't there to take them, if his suggestions-set in the direction of you is changing, if he tells you he "only needs some ME time" in case you reside at the same time a number of those are signs and indications too... a million. decrease desire to be with you sexually. 2. unexpectedly tries new sexual positions. 3. working overdue extra in lots of cases. 4. Mysterious telephone calls. 5. gets offended once you look on the cellular telephone, pager, or laptop. Is secretive of such. 6. scent of physique spray on their clothing. 7. Takes a tub as quickly as he comes domicile. 8. you hit upon hairs or different gadgets on his physique or in his possessions. 9. starts off taking extra care along with his visual allure. 10. Accuses you of cheating. eleven. he changes his common habitual with out reason or reason.

Answer 8

you should never take back someone who has cheated on you because it will just cause trust issues and probably just dissolve the relationship anyway. Once a cheater always a cheater. move on your worth it . And you deserve a man who will respect you.

Answer 9

tell him to look for a way to prove that he really really loves you. don't accept it right away when you feel like he's done enough for you already. you have to really really make sure what he's doing or saying is really true. what he did made your trust in him go down the drain (or most of it gone). tell him he has to get your trust in him back. believe me, it's hard to get that back. when he asks you what he should do, tell him HE has to be the one to think of that and make ways to do that..not you..coz he's the one who did something wrong.
if you wanna make him really think, ask him how he would feel if you'd cheat on him too. wouldn't he feel so bad too? things have to be fair for the two of you.
this could take a while to be patched up but if he really loves you, then he'll do whatever he can to get you back. if not, i know it would really really hurt you but it would really be his loss to not receive the love you're giving him. he has lost so much of what's good.
good luck! in the end it's still you're decision.

Answer 10

If you can find it in your heart to forgive him and trust that he is sincere in his word that he will not cheat on you again and he really does regret it then you should take him back.

If you feel that it isn't worth risking a broken heart for then you should leave him and move on. Is he really worth all this pain that you are feeling? Think long and hard about this decision.