I am in a "battle" for parenting time with my ex. He hasn't played fair. He only thinks about money and himself. He doesn't even think about our child. We have been in mediation, twice and are now in co-parenting classes. We both have lawyers and nothing seems to be going well. I don't want to fight and bicker about every little thing but I have the feeling that he still hasn't gotten over the fact that I left him. He didn't want to loose control but with us out of the picture he is trying to still "win" and be in control. Help please.
2006-11-28 15:47:05 · 10 answers · asked by Parent to 2 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That is a most unpleasant situation.
Is he going for joint legal AND joint physical custody?
If he is looking for joint legal only, maybe you can agree to that. You must document EVERYTHING so if in the future you want to argue for full legal you will be able to do so. Most judges today rule on joint legal.
If he wants joint physical, then you need to calmly look at reasons why not, such as if he lives in a different school district, or if he works long hours and the child would be left with others, etc...
Try to remember you want what is best for your child. Your child needs his/her father, so agree to reasonable visition, never be negative about him around your child...your child will grow up and clearly see what is what!
Don't play into his tactics...as much as possible, ignore him and stick to the issues...fair and reasonable visitation, both making major decisions regarding the child (make sure you put everything in writing and ask him to respond the same way) and helping the child feel secure and loved by both parents.
You can start with your good intentions, document everything so if he continues to play games or try to use the child you can go back to court and request FULL custody. Visitation will always have to happen.
Good luck!
2006-11-28 16:02:00 · answer #1 · answered by seaelen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Put your child first. It is so hard, but bite your tongue and try to control your anger when it comes to your ex.
I recently went throught the same thing. I had to go to co-parenting classes and mediation (which of course he didn't show up to.) Went to court several times for what seemed like a waste of time and money.
It is finally coming to an end, thankfully. (He signed over his rights after a year of fighting with me, in and out of court. My new husband is adopting my children.)
Just hang in there and try to remain calm. Everything will work out, just keep the faith.
2006-11-28 16:27:04 · answer #2 · answered by rollergirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is trying to get back at you and you need t just stay strong and don't let him get to you. When he finally realizes you are not bothered by what he says and does, he will move on. Right now he is trying to get control again. You be strong and stand your ground with him, but act as if it doesn't upset you. My daughter just went thru an ugly divorce and the children are the ones that get hurt the most. Protect your child and annotate every thing he does and if calls and harassing you, tape all your communication with him. I am praying for you. You pray also. God will work everything out.
2006-11-28 15:55:51 · answer #3 · answered by Dyan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, document EVERYTHING! & make him realize that it is ultimatum time. record all calls & correspondence, this is not only for the lawyers & the mediators, but more so, the JUDGE! A child is not a pawn in a game. nor a toy to be messed with. You have to take control where your child is concerned because you are who that child depends on. That child needs to feel safe. Good luck to you & God bless you both..
2006-11-28 15:55:11 · answer #4 · answered by charlotte659@sbcglobal.net 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Choose your battles wisely.
If you know he is a control freak, use it to your advantage.
Try saying exactly what he wants you to say, let him think he has won, and you get the prize.
I do it all day long at work and everybody thinks I'm great.
All I am really interested in is getting everyone to work harder so I can make a bonus.
Keep in mind, the more you resist, the better off your lawyer is.
2006-11-28 15:56:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is the typical "battle" that goes on outside divorce....its a man thing....they have lost control....and the fact that they have to pay money and other outsiders(lawyers) tell them what they have to do is infuriating to them.....Its all about winning to them and they will fight to the end against whatever.....
My ex admitted to me once that it wasnt the amount of money...it was that some stranger "made" him do something and there was not a thing he could do about it......
Pride is what drives them......
They cant believe we would leave....and they cant believe we would be able to make them do something......AND it pisses them off when they cant work and manipulate their way around us anymore......
OOOOhhhh they hate it...And that makes us public enemy # 1.
2006-11-28 16:03:31 · answer #6 · answered by Lrn'dTheHardWay 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it sounds that you are doing the right thing... just take it easy and keep going to classes
2006-11-28 16:02:48 · answer #7 · answered by Me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
play dirtier
2006-11-28 15:48:55 · answer #8 · answered by devil_queen_biatch14 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
does he have a mother behind him ?
if so , there's your answer...
2006-11-28 15:49:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol
2006-11-28 15:50:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋