Trust my 13yr old son? adults and teens answer please!?

Question

ok, my son is 13 and we are pretty close I'd like to believe. He has a few close friends that come to our house and I really like them. They all call me mom. My son tells me when 1 of them do something dumb like the 1 kid stole a few times and he's been told the other has smoked pot. (but he has never seen him do it he say's) He even tells me how the boys hide it from their parents when they chew. Should I still let him around them? I think if he is willing to tell me what they are doing then I don't think he would blow his own cover if he was doing any of it. I said I would trust him until I ever caught him doing anything then he is DONE! should I give him the benefit of the doubt and trust him? I don't wanna be dumb but don't wanna disscourage him from confiding in me. And I'd like to trust him.

I am thinking back to when I was 13. I honestly did none of that. I was a very good kid and didn't even think of that stuff. until later age.

Answer 1

its obvious your son shares your trust, id say yes leave him with the benifit of doubt, he is unmistakenly reaching out to you an letting you in because he choses to...so give yourself the credit that you deserve, your doing a great job raising him the right darl, congrats, as a mother i feel to have a child that confides in you is way better then sitting arond stressed out of your mind wondering what is going through there heads an what they are up to when you are not arond to guide them...it will send even the best of us over the edge.
you and your son must have a really great realationship.
keep up the good work mum.

Answer 2

Trust is a two way street. Have you proven to him he can trust you? No promises you can't keep, or punishments that you say but never do? This is important because he'll do as you have done. If you tell him he is grounded for a week because he missed curfew and then let him off after less than a day, he does not respect you and only knows how to trick you into trusting him. If you have treated him well and honestly, like a parent not a buddy, then yes he has had a good example to model himself after.

When my Son who is now 20, would come to me with these types of stories I would listen intently. I would not speak or interrupt until he was done. Then I would ask him "how do you feel about that?" and then listen until he had spoken his piece. Then I would say "What do you think is the right thing to do in this situation?" And again listen intently.

At that point I would mull it over and then say " You are a smart young man, and I trust you to make the best decisions for yourself. You are strong enough to know not to be led down the wrong path, and that chewing/stealing/smoking/ditching/ect is not the right path for someone like you. Sometimes Son, you have to help your friends make better decisions. Not everyone has the same convictions and strength that you do." I might then tell of a friend's rough experience from my own youth, always letting him draw the conclusions.

Teaching your child that he is valuable, and has the intellect to make good choices is one of the most powerful things you can do for him/her. Listening to them is the most important thing you can do. I try to let them see the value of other people on their own. And by allowing them to walk through the ups & downs of a relationship with the safety net of you as his sounding board will help him conclude when some people just are not worth the effort of covering for. While others are friends at every level.
Don't be his buddy, be his Mom. That's what he needs in guidence not acceptence.

Answer 3

Im 20 years old and i would tell my parents when the people i knew did stupid stuff. but that doesn't mean he doesn't do it. I would go out and get drunk and etc not really bad stuff like drugs or breaking the law. But the things about kids is when you dont trust them and you set lost of rules all they are going to do is break them . MY parents gave up on me when i broke cerfew a million times and gave me no curfew and i came home before cerfew after that because you have to let your kids make mistakes but be there for them when they mess up. Kids don't listen to their parents they only figure it out from doing it. I would say just make sure that he has a cell so he can call you when he is out and ask him where he is going to be etc. Tell him you'll be there for him if he ever messes up . what his friends do is what they do. you gotta trust him to make his own decisions. I had friends who stole and smoke weed and did cocaine and had sex with random guys but i never did that because i was mature enough to say no.

Answer 4

Start off by telling your son what HE should be doing as a person and for himself. Tell him that he needs to be more responsible than his friend, because if he doesn't then he could be placed in a situation that "MOM" cannot get him out of.

He's still young so if he starts to make silly decisions, then you need to yank the choke hold chain and tell him to heel, but if he is able to determine that these behaviors lead to know where, then you may have a genius on your hands. Give him some freedom until he screws up, then you have a reason to tell him he's gotta be under your thumb.

We all have to have room to make mistakes.

Answer 5

I would say you have a pretty smart kid. He is honest and confides in his mother about stuff like that, that is rare today. You must keep his trust or he will turn out like his friends. Tell him how proud you are of him for being so upfront and honest with you and for not making the dumb mistakes his friends are making. Praise him a lot, he will feel good about his decisions. You must of done something right to have him turn out so well, congratulations Mom.

Answer 6

Your son might be telling you these things so you will tell him he can't hang with them anymore. Maybe he feels like he is being tempted. If my son found out his "friends" were doing these things he would dump them in a second. Actually what he told one girl was.. "you have to choose which one you want me as a friend or the weed" she chose the weed. Everyone excommunicated her from the group.
I hope when he tells you these stories you do not condone them, and tell him what a mistake his friends are making and for him to be careful he does not fall into the same trap.

Answer 7

I think you should trust him, because like you said, he isn't dumb enough to blow his own cover. Simply talk to your son. Tell him that you don't approve of his friends actions, and that if he ever does what they are doing, he will be punished. This small talk could get your son to open up even more to you.

Answer 8

Punk is a reference to a style of dress style, music tastes and attitudes. Goth, Emo, skater are more labels like Punk--as in punk rock music. Punk still does and used to mean a violent jerk with little or no manners, guidance or education that would "rough people up" for kicks. Gay is a word that means single sex preference and the ignorant teens are using it to mean anything they DON'T LIKE. As for GAY being a reference to Punk--the answer is never--unless--the person DOES NOT LIKE the Punk style and are an ignorant teenybopper who is incapable of using other words in the dictionary to describe something negative. I'm twenty something and completed college.

Answer 9

Your son has told you and trusted you with altho. I hope my 11 year old daughter will do the same for me when she is older. Yes trust him for now just keep an eye on him. If he thinks your getting to invasive let him know you care and love him, that you just wanna make sure that he is making the right choices

Answer 10

you of all people know your son more than anyone else on here...i did hang around some of my friends at that age some were doing drugs (i still never tried them) drinking alcohol (i tried it at 21 but didn't like it) having sex (i waited until i was 18)
it really just depends on how well you taught your son...he seems trustworthy to me...but you can tell if your son is lying or not...but he probably already knows the morals you have taught him...he "hopefully" knows how bad drugs are and smoking and what can happen if he starts...if his grades have dropped then you should be worried...but remember who he hangs out with may reflect on what people think of him.