My husband is sexual when I am sleeping. Embarassing.?

Question

Married for 10 years, sometimes a deep sleeper. Woke up manyl times to my husband either touching me (and I mean touching) me or having sex with me. Sometimes I may not have woken up at all.

I confronted him about this and he said it wouldn't happen again.

It continued, and I confronted him about it again last may or something. He assured me he didn't know why he did it and he would stop, blah blah blah. He hasn't even shared a bed with me regulatry for 5 years. I put him out on the couch because of his snoring and because of this issue. He is generally not interested in me sexually, even though I would consider myself attractive.

In October, I tested him by telling him that I was going to sleep, and stayed awake, but pretended i was asleep. He crept in, undressed, and began touching me and saying things, and eventually did it. He finished in a towel or something and left.. I feel so grossed out and disgussed by him.

Any advice?

I should have added that for 5 years I was on a med. that made me very sleepy I stopped that last Dec. and my head was alot clearer. I am also on a med for 10 years that makes me sleepy. I am trying to slowly taper off of that. Somewhere in that process, I should be able to wake up enough to knock him out sometime. Good idea about locking the door, though.

I don't love him in that way anymore, and want out. The problem is that I have 2 kids, live in a rural area away from my family, and I have to finish my masters degree so I can move and get a good enough job to support me and two kids.

I know this must be a really weird problem, and I am embarassed, but I'm looking for help. :)

He IS fully awake when this happens and knows that I am fully asleep. That is why I tested him out, to see what was really going on.

I am not cold, am into sex, he never was. I tried different things, I was good to him in all ways. Thanks!

Answer 1

could you call that some sort of rape? My husband wakes me up in the morning from time to time before he goes to work, puts a smile on his face and gets him through the day. however he knows when it is ok to proceed or not. he's never been 'sneaky' like that about it in the middle of the night, i've woke him up in the middle of the night but it's been when he said something like, 'let me take a 2 hour nap and you can wake me up before you go to bed' wink and kiss me. wow you can break a dog from sucking eggs, you can break a child from biting, but how in the hell do you stop your husband from stealing your snatch while you sleep short of setting a mouse trap between your legs? the stayed awake example you described sounds like a father sneaking into litl girls room feeling. Creepy! Find out if this is a mental or criminal act. until then, lock your bedroom door when you sleep at night

Answer 2

I have the same problem . I swear my husband gets turned on by me being asleep. Don't worry about it at least he is not cheating on you. I hated it as well, but the truth be told what is the problem?? i hated it because I felt like he was just getting around the foreplay. Don't be turned off if anything just get pissed that he is waking you up. I bet you a dollar you have kids as well and you guys just aren't as sexual as you once were?? I have been with my husband the same amount of time and we have been trough it all from the porn on down . Just talk to him and find out what he is in need of . Some things you can fix others you can't and the rest you shouldn't worry about. Good Luck

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Sounds like you have not been there for him in a long time. Hon, you are making him out to be the bad guy and the fact is you haven't wanted him for some time now. If you want to leave then leave but do not demonize him to justify you. You have two kids and you know what if you do keep on looking for him to do things wrong they are going to pick up on that. Is that what you want. Talk to him NOW tell him where you stand .It is not fair to him to know that you want to leave but not let him know. You may be surprised what comes of it.And if it does not work out you plan on leaving him anyway.RIGHT?? I know how you feel I hope things workout for you. Just remember you do not need others to justify how you feel, or look for excuses to feel that way.

Answer 3

I am wondering if you two are still 'in love'? I surely dont understand his behaviour, it sounds really weird. Have you not got another bedroom that you can use? As for the problem, I think I would talk to a councillor about it because this is an issue which could be quite delicate for you and for him and you dont want to 'mess' up your marriage by making a mistake. You say he does not appear to be interested in you sexually normally, well, this sounds like while he is doing what he is doing to you while your asleep, he is thinking it is someone else that he fancies and because he is married and maybe she is married, he unloads his disires for her on you when you are virtually unaware of his actions. He sounds very weak, I mean as a man, not able to make his mind up about your lifestyles together and do it.I find it hard to believe that you cant feel him abusing your body while you are asleep, it almost sounds 'sick'.
Consult an expert, and good luck.

Answer 4

it is noted as RAPE. He needs extra help than you may provide him. there is something ill approximately desiring intercourse with a thoroughly passive and unknowing participant. He needs a therapist and a blow-up doll. Apologies if this sounds harsh. sturdy luck. replace: individuals, it is rape. that's. every time and that i recommend every time somebody has expressed that they do no longer opt to be approached sexually in a undeniable way--that's rape if he choses to TAKE what he needs sexually from her. it isn't any longer on an identical time agreed apon intercourse. She isn't delicate and has expressed it to him and he maintains. NO does no longer recommend "nicely, I only would desire to make certain she is physically powerful and out previously I take her clothing off and function my way". A husband can rape his spouse. It occurs all the time. it is as undesirable as stranger rape or date rape. there is quite no distinction. He does no longer have rights to her physique every time, regardless of despite she has to assert approximately it. reaction: I figured the area replaced into alot extra complicated. Do the pretend sleep factor returned and knee him as complicated as you may interior the balls as quickly as he's susceptible. it is the two that or shifting out at contemporary and it seems such as you have plotted this and desire a sprint time. understand that the value is which you will would desire to locate the thank you to sleep with one eye open. quite the terrific of luck to you.

Answer 5

This is incredibly disrespectful. Not only that, you had asked him to stop and he continues. He needs counseling. Possibly there are underlieing issues such as he feels insecure and thinks you do not want to have sex with him. Also.....you need to take a nap during the daytime cause you are an incredibly sound sleeper LOL

Answer 6

if i was him i would do the same because this is when he feels comfortable with you.you are cheating yourself by not participating.you are making him feel dirty for finding you sexually attractive.you would get a whole lot more out of him if you read Dr.Laura's book on the proper care and feeding of husbands.my wife asked me what i wanted for Christmas and of course i said her.when i came home from work,guess what she was wearing,nothing but a big red bow.

Answer 7

Man you have to stay awake dear. Just talk about everything communication especially about sex is so important and is not embarrassing.

Answer 8

What an amazing way to wake up! Maybe you need to loose some inhibition.

Answer 9

IT SOUNDS LIKE YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT CHEATING ON YOU LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE'S ARE I KNOW THE FEELING BUT IF YOU LOVE HIM TALK TO HIM AND ASK HIM IF HE REALLY GET OFF BY A SLEEPING KAT HE MAY HAVE A PROBLEM I BEEN TH RU THAT TIME AND TIME AGAIN AND I FELT THE SAME WAY WE TALKED AND FOUND OUT HE WAS JUST HORNY I TOLD HIM TO WAKE ME HE SAID FOR WHAT TO SAY NO SO WHILE WE ARE SLEEP WE CANT SAY NO IT HER BARE WITH IT OR COUNSELING

Answer 10

Ugh. You've talked to him a couple of times and he's still doing it...it's time for more decicive moves. Ask him to see a psych. or maybe some marriage conceling all around would be in orde, that just isn't normal.