Married for 10 years, sometimes a deep sleeper. Woke up manyl times to my husband either touching me (and I mean touching) me or having sex with me. Sometimes I may not have woken up at all.
I confronted him about this and he said it wouldn't happen again.
It continued, and I confronted him about it again last may or something. He assured me he didn't know why he did it and he would stop, blah blah blah. He hasn't even shared a bed with me regulatry for 5 years. I put him out on the couch because of his snoring and because of this issue. He is generally not interested in me sexually, even though I would consider myself attractive.
In October, I tested him by telling him that I was going to sleep, and stayed awake, but pretended i was asleep. He crept in, undressed, and began touching me and saying things, and eventually did it. He finished in a towel or something and left.. I feel so grossed out and disgussed by him.
Any advice?
2006-11-28 14:52:17 · 12 answers · asked by slightlyunsettled 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I should have added that for 5 years I was on a med. that made me very sleepy I stopped that last Dec. and my head was alot clearer. I am also on a med for 10 years that makes me sleepy. I am trying to slowly taper off of that. Somewhere in that process, I should be able to wake up enough to knock him out sometime. Good idea about locking the door, though.
I don't love him in that way anymore, and want out. The problem is that I have 2 kids, live in a rural area away from my family, and I have to finish my masters degree so I can move and get a good enough job to support me and two kids.
I know this must be a really weird problem, and I am embarassed, but I'm looking for help. :)
He IS fully awake when this happens and knows that I am fully asleep. That is why I tested him out, to see what was really going on.
I am not cold, am into sex, he never was. I tried different things, I was good to him in all ways. Thanks!
2006-11-28 23:44:13 · update #1
A most rare, I would think, problem. Normally I would not recommend a mental health professional to take out your garbage, but I will this time. I have never heard the like in my life, before I read you question.
2006-11-28 14:57:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is called RAPE. He needs more help than you can give him. There is something sick about wanting sex with a completely passive and unknowing participant. He needs a therapist and a blow-up doll. Apologies if this sounds harsh.
Good luck.
UPDATE: Folks, this is rape. It is. Anytime and I mean ANYtime someone has expressed that they do not want to be approached sexually in a certain way--it IS rape if he choses to TAKE what he wants sexually from her. This is NOT mutually agreed apon sex. She is NOT comfortable and has expressed it to him and he continues. NO does NOT mean "well, I just have to make sure she is good and out before I take her clothes off and have my way". A husband can rape his wife. It happens all the time. It's as bad as stranger rape or date rape. There is absolutely no difference. He does NOT have rights to her body anytime, regardless of whatever she has to say about it.
Response: I figured the situation was alot more complicated. Do the fake sleep thing again and knee him as hard as you can in the balls as soon as he's vulnerable. It's either that or moving out immediately and it sounds like you have plotted this and need a little time. Know that the cost is that you are going to have to find a way to sleep with one eye open. The absolute best of luck to you.
2006-11-28 14:55:50 · answer #2 · answered by donewiththismess 5 · 3⤊ 2⤋
It sounds as if he is feeling shut out by you. I went through this with my ex. We ended up split, and it took a long time for me to find someone I could be myself with again. My present wife and I have had a good relationship for over 20 years now. Something had to happen to start this. Have you ever responded in a positive way to these advances? When was the last time you responded positively to any advances? Or, when was the last time he made any actual advances?
2006-11-28 15:05:33 · answer #3 · answered by Fred C 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I honestly have an identical situation . I swear my husband gets grew to become on by using me being asleep. do no longer worry approximately it a minimum of he's no longer cheating on you. I hated it as nicely, however the certainty learn what's the project?? i hated it because of the fact I felt like he replaced into only getting around the foreplay. do no longer be grew to become off if something only get pissed that he's waking you up. I wager you a greenback you have young toddlers as nicely and you adult males only are not as sexual as you as quickly as have been?? I honestly have been with my husband an identical volume of time and we've been trough all of it from the porn on down . only consult from him and locate out what he's in desire of . some issues you may restoration others you may no longer and something you ought to not worry approximately. sturdy luck **************************************... seems such as you haven't any longer been there for him in a protracted time. Hon, you're making him out to be the undesirable guy and as a be counted of certainty you haven't any longer wanted him for a while now. in case you opt to go away then go away yet do no longer demonize him to justify you. you have 2 young toddlers and you already know what in case you do shop on finding for him to do issues incorrect they're going to %. up on that. Is that what you like. consult from him NOW tell him the place you stand .it isn't any longer honest to him to appreciate which you quite opt to go away yet no longer enable him understand. you may nicely be stunned what comes of it.And if it does no longer artwork out you intend on leaving him besides.good?? i understand the way you experience i desire issues workout consultation for you. only undergo in suggestions you do no longer desire others to justify the way you experience, or look for excuses to experience that way.
2016-10-13 07:57:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess some women are VERY different, because I love for my husband to wake me up this way....I don't know what to say. tell him you'd like him to go to counceling for a sex addiction, or you're gonna have to move out. That's the only thing I can think of! Sorry to hear you're having trouble with your marriage, hon, good luck and be strong!
2006-11-28 15:03:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
I think the issue here is not whether you are being rape or not, but why he need to have sex with you only when you are asleep? Being husband and wife, shouldn't both of you have a normal sex life? I meant when both of you are awake and want to do it.
2006-11-28 15:12:36 · answer #6 · answered by Tan D 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Sounds like there may be some underlying unsettled issue in this matter. Just saying this or that just won't give any answer. Look deep and together YOU & HE) can come to a conclusion! It is not rape in the true sense of the word. Its just creepy. My GF does it to me all the time...I'm not complaining...yet.
2006-11-28 15:22:27 · answer #7 · answered by ••Mott•• 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You guys need to go to counseling if this is grossing you out.
He has some sort of fetish thing. It is probably alot more common among couples than either of you thinks.
If you don't get counseling, then maybe you could find a chastity belt somewhere? Sorry, that's all I can think of.
2006-11-28 15:04:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Wow.....this sounds like a big issue...Sorry to pry into your sexual life...but.....How is it? Are you guys sexually active? Are you guys satisfied with were you guys are at...sexually? Sit down and ask him what it is that he wants... And ask yourself what do you want. Do you no longer feel like having sex with him. Im not a Marriage Counselor or anything but it seems that his actions are a cry for attention...whether sexual or emotional. There maybe something that is bothering him about your marriage. I strongly recommend you guys talk this through.
2006-11-28 14:57:54 · answer #9 · answered by Reneg@de 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I agree with one of the other answers, this is rape and you need to find help and get out of this marriage. Be strong! You could end up being hurt if this continues.
2006-11-28 15:02:50 · answer #10 · answered by bettyboop 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋