I recently got engaged a few months ago to my girlfriend of 5 years. I found out that she has been cheating on me and she does not know I know but I do know if that makes sense. I am so angry at her and I just want to dump her but on the other hand I am not ready for that. The sick thing is that are wedding date is in May and she has been cheating on me for a few months now shortly after I propsed to her. I feel that if I let her go, then that is 5 years that I lost with a mate and I have to start all over from scratch and you know that takes time to do. What would you do if you found out your fiance was cheating?
2006-11-28 13:34:26 · 41 answers · asked by James J 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You all gave great advice with i will tak to heart and act upon. Thanks to all. Really difficult to decide as every answer is a great answer. Cast a vote.
2006-11-30 09:54:14 · update #1
Maybe if it just happened the one time I would forgive but if she has been cheating for months how do you know this will stop when you are married especially since she does not even know you know. Before doing anything I would confront her and see what she has to say. I think though that when she accepted your engagement ring she made a commitment and she broke that. I know it is hard giving up 5 years but can you really marry someone you can not trust? And if you are angry now are you going to be able to let that go because that is not a good way to start a marriage even if you want to give her another chance.
2006-11-28 13:43:03 · answer #1 · answered by saliberry 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear you are having this issue.
Relationships are can have problems, it sounds as if you may a deeper problem then most.
A few questions back to you.
Are you sure she is cheating and it is not just a misunderstanding?
If you are sure, How has your relationship been for the last 6 months?( Has anything happened between you and her that may have pushed her away?)
I guess if she really has cheated on you and you know it for sure , why would you stay with someone who has cheated?
No matter what has went on between you and her there is know good reason for cheating on someone.
If you had cheated would she stay with you? Most likely no.
If you stay with her will you always wonder if she will cheat again? If you answer yes then your relationship will never work , the trust is gone.
Marriage is supposed to be forever with trust and love as there foundation, you already lost trust can you ever trust her again? and how long ?
I think you need to talk to her and ask her if she has been cheating and why, and then you need think about the answers she gives and make you decision based upon what she has to say.
Everything written above, are just things to think about.
Good luck I hope it turns out to be just a big misunderstanding.
Stomp
2006-11-28 14:14:45 · answer #2 · answered by stomp65 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pretty bad thing if you already have plans for wedding...A marriage must be based in truth, honesty, communication, support and a lot of things elses..Before things go forward you should tell her how do you feel and what you know....something is missing when in a couple one of the person cheat on the other, if you want to save your relationship and go for the marriage, start to ask her what is bad with her about you that makes her cheat.Dont be afraid to talk, is always better before get married, you cant have a wife if you dont trust in her.
Now to continuing the relation is only up to you.
2006-11-28 13:44:07 · answer #3 · answered by lovetoyou 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Step out of self for a moment and read what you wrote... You are staying with her because you don't want to start all over from scratch... you never said -I love her so much and cant live without her- your talking like you were house breaking a pet... if she had the nerve to do it once ... believe me she will do it again... so you starting over can be now, before the marriage... or later by getting divorced... I know its hard to end a relationship even when it is the right thing to do... but realize shes evidently not as committed as you are... and you deserve better... Move on
2006-11-28 13:43:29 · answer #4 · answered by Sandy 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
First, my heart goes out to you. I can only imagine the anger and grief that you're feeling.
My advice is simple: dump the *****. Like tonight. Call her and tell her the jig is up. Who cares if you've been with her for five years ? The bottom line is that she has betrayed you. She is not honest and she has placed her own selfish desires above your relationship. Do you honestly think you will ever be able to trust her again ? Of course not !
It will hurt for a while, but you must dump her. You deserve better. And, in time, you will find better. But, for now, you must come face to face with the fact that you're fiance cannot be trusted and is therefore unworthy of your time.
2006-11-28 13:55:13 · answer #5 · answered by lukespop06 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That depends. Do you have the capability to forgive and forget. If you marry her can you be 100% sure she is not going to cheat on you again. Its a stressful situation and it can get more complicated the longer you stay in a relationship with an unfaithful person. I think you need to confront her and tell her what you know and how she hurt you. Take it from there. Good luck and im sorry you have to experience this!
2006-11-28 13:44:16 · answer #6 · answered by Bambi 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's better to let those 5 years go than to spend the next 50 years with a cheating whore. Once a cheater always a cheater, it's just the way she was raised. Once your heart is mended, have fun in the dating world.
2006-11-28 13:39:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Okay you know the answer to this one, I just think that you are going to try and hold on with false hope. Who is paying for the wedding/ Her parents? If it is do what the guy from the "PRICELESS" commercial did, set the wedding date, then at the end with proof get her in front of the whole family and friends. Maybe that will teach her from cheating. Again hopefully.
2006-11-28 13:43:41 · answer #8 · answered by melissa052572 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
James...tell me that you are not going to stay & marry a cheater because you are too lazy to find another and build a new relationship....Why the hell would you settle for crap...You are worth so much more than that.....I can promise you if she is cheating you 2 have some real problems......Any problems that you have before marraige....will get twice as bad after you are married....2 messes dont make 1 clean up.....2 messes make a double mess.....Dude you cant lie to yourself about this.....Open your eyes, get off your ***, and go make yourself a wonderful life....without Cheater Girl......
2006-11-28 13:49:19 · answer #9 · answered by Lrn'dTheHardWay 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For heavens sake...if she is going to cheat on you while she is engaged to you..she will do the same when you both are married. Break off your engagement/relationship. It is not 5 years lost...it is a lifetime saved (yours). You saved yourself ALOT of grief and a costly divorce. It may not seem that way now...The best indicator of the future is the past. Get out of this relationship and on with your life. Good Luck.
2006-11-28 13:45:41 · answer #10 · answered by Renee 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋