question for Christians regarding marriage - when i was engaged to my wife, i began to question if my wife was

Question

the right one for me. i prayed to God that I was too weak to end it on my own or to know better if my marriage was a bad idea. i prayed that he would create some circumstance that would end our engagement for us if it wasnt a good thing in his eyes. however, nothing like that happened and we did wind up marrying.

our marriage has been rather difficult and i have found my wife to be a rather difficult person to live with and can honestly sometimes be downright mean. i hate to say it but i dont really enjoy life the way i used to. the only thing i can say is that as a result of it i am closer to God than I have ever been in my life as a result of my prayer and asking him for help to make it through this.

i guess my question for other Christians is, do you believe God could put you in a marriage solely as creating a "cross for you to bear"? in other words, make your life difficult so as to be brought closer to God?

the only other rationalization is that maybe God doesn't meddle in affairs of this nature and wants us to handle and deal with them on our own - as free will. but I did pray hard and do believe God answers prayer.

Answer 1

God gives us free will, if you are truly Christian you will understand the total implications of this. I don't think God meddles in our lives as you have described.

You made free choices to marry even when you questioned the marriage. You chose to wait for a sign, when maybe God had already given you the sign or signs and you misread or ignored the message.

Answer 2

As a fellow christian, God made marriage an institution for us t enjoy, not to be burdened down with. That's not to say that all marriages are perfect, some rain must fall. But I will say that when we ignore the will of God, or stray from it, he will chasten us with consequences, some of which seem unbearable. Your prayer now should be that the Lord will show you a better way of getting along with you wife since you have entered into the institution of marriage. If you want to honor that commitment, I'm sure he will hear you and he knows your heart. On the other hand he doesn't want us to suffer senselessly either. Pray and seek for answers, and he will deliver you right early.

Answer 3

I don't have any answers for you. But I only know that God has a purpose and a drawn up plan for everyone, be it a Christian or a non-Christian, cos he is the creator. Everyone takes a different route in life and no one is spared from the ups and downs in life. Though many times, it is very difficult and seems like you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel , but I believe there's a reason for everything, There is a message God is trying to put across to you. Perhaps you may wish to have a good talk with your wife to understand why she's behaving like that and commit to work together to improve the relationship, otherwise, you may wish to seek professional counselling from your church. Lastly , just bear in mind that God always turns things around for the good of those who love Him and things aren't always what they seem .

Answer 4

You don't say how long you have been married. Sometimes, it takes a long period of adjustment between two people who plan to spend their lives together. Does she share the same religilous beliefs as you? You need to remember that HALF of the difficulty belongs to YOU. You have to work at a marriage, just like you do a job, you have to give it your all. GIVE is the key word here, something you both have to do. You say you prayed and God didn't make anything happen prior to the marriage to break it up. That's a little immature on your part. If you wanted it to break up, you should have put legs on your prayers. Since you chose to stay, you need to communicate with her and/or a professional counselor.

Answer 5

Brother,
My reply is a cocktail of advice,personal experience and in a way answers your question.
First of all, let me say that nothing is impossible with God.Making your marriage better or perfect is NOT an impossibility with Him.
Secondly,the Bible says,the unbeleiving spouse is won over by the beleivers' conduct.Just keep doing the right thing and keep on praying for your marriage.
So be patient,do what is right in God's eyes,pray and trust God to make things better.
For every person, there comes a day of realisation and that happens in God's time.You might ask how long or how do I wait for things to change.
Every day in the morning,learn to receive God's grace afresh.That will carry you through each and every day because God's grace is sufficient for you in EVERYTHING.God loves your spouse in the same measure He loves you.
The One who turned the persecuter Saul to an evangelist Paul will certainly change your spouse.God'word has many instances where He changed people.
I face a similar situation brother,but God gives me grace,love and mercy every morning and I have learnt to receive that.
Life is definetly difficult with someone who can be downright mean to the point of verbal abuse,but then I have seen positive changes that God brought in my spouse and I thank Him for those things.
From a personal perspective, I did not know my husband until one month before the wedding as my marriage was arranged by my parents.I simply obeyed my parents.I had no way of knowing how the person is, and eight years down the line I have seen the bad and good sides.I didnt even pray for a beleiving spouse either.I have been told he wasnt in God's will for me.(One thing I beleive in is God will never put you in a situation for which He has not given you the ability to deal with.Fight the good fight of FAITH my brother. )Somewhere in between,I was born again, and then began a process of changing myself.Life got significantly better when I adjusted my attitude and line of thinking.I realised that changing my spouse is not in my power,its in God's hands.I have come to know that if I do that on my own I will be frustrated.Also, there is no situation in my life that God does not know or care for and He can certainly make things better.And while I wait on Him to change a person,God will certainly do His part.
God loves your spouse in the same measure He loves you.
I hope I struck a chord somewhere.
Cheers,
April.
P.S..My thinking has been greatly influenced by the teachings of Joyce Meyer.She has lots of resources on her site that will change your life.If this helps you...her website is www.joycemeyer.org

Answer 6

I don't think God just wants you to stand around waiting for him to save you from marrying the wrong woman. That is too passive. Just because the world is in God's hands doesn't mean he doesn't want you to get off your duff and take the right action. People still have a responsbility to act on their own behalf and an obligation to tell each other the truth about how they feel. Maybe God works in mysterious ways but he acts through humans, not in spite of them.

Answer 7

I believe that God lets us make our own decisions and make our own mistakes, but he is always there to help us through any situation. The first thing you should do is to go to marriage counseling. It takes two to make a marriage. If yours isnt' happy, it's not just your wife's fault. What are you doing to keep the sparks in the marriage? What are you doing to make her feel cherished and loved? Chances are, if you give her your sweetest self, she will give some back. Pray that God helps you get help to save your marriage.

Answer 8

We put the fleece out for God sometimes when we should not. He does want us to make good choices on our own sometimes. You probably knew you did not want to marry her, and that was your escape, breaking it off. Now you have made a commitment, if you have exhausted every effort to make it work, you may just have to tell her the truth about how you feel, and see what happens.

My husband was an unbearable cross to bear, and I believe the Lord loves me and does not expect me to be someones garbage. I left him. Keep praying.

Answer 9

My answer is that I don't think God wants us to live like that, unhappy and in pain and facing a lifetime of pain. It makes more sense to say it was part of his plan for you to learn something from this marriage about yourself and people and marriage too so that you can improve something in your life and benefit from the experience when you move on. You have to make your decision, but if you believe as I think you do, this is a decision that he already knows you'll make.

Answer 10

FREE WILL....that voice inside you - called your gut? That was your answer, not from GOD but from YOU who knows yourself. God wants his people to be happy, not suffer mistreatment in order to be "forced" into drawing closer to him no matter what the persecution. Love of God means you are close and rely on him through good times and bad. I give you kudos on trying to remain loyal and faithful to your marriage and vows - but don't exasperate yourself OR martyr yourself into the thought pattern that you weren't responsible for your own choice. We have minds and hearts and attraction that is unique to each individual....God loves us all and did not create us to be robots. Your choice was your own. God will help you to have strength to do things according to his commands, but when a personal decision like a marriage mate is involved - not even God can make that choice for you.