Help with an introduction paragraph.?

Question

Alright, Ive gotten my thesis sentence for my essay on Out of the Dust, now I put it into an introduction paragraph, this took me about 2 hours to create last night and since english class gets me paranoid I've second guessed what i've written many times. Here is what i've gotten so far, please read it and if you see anything wrong with it or it doesnt make sense/bad punctuation please let me know. Yes i know you need to underline the book name but it wont underline it in yahoo answers : O

Thanks for the help, intro paragraph is below

Most people believe that their everyday life is full of many treacherous problems, but compared to the life of a young girl living during the The Great Dust Bowl, their problems pale in comparison. Written by Karen Hesse, the novel Out of the Dust tells the story of a young girl and her family as they struggle to survive through The Great Dust Bowl. At first, Billy Jo’s life is as normal as any girl living during The Great Dust Bowl, but a series of unfortunate events will lead to the loss of a loved one, making Billy Jo’s life more difficult then it already is. Aside from the loss of a loved one, she must face the waking up every morning to the feeling of loneliness and sorrow as her relationship with her father erodes away in the dust. Without a doubt, in the novel Out of the Dust, Billy Jo faces many life changing conflicts, including the guilt of accidentally killing her mother, horrible dust storms, and an unstable relationship with her father.

We need to transistion in the thesis for last sentence, does "Without a doubt" seem to work for it?

Answer 1

My edited version below:

Most people believe that their everyday life is full of many treacherous problems, but their problems pale in comparison to the life of a young girl living during the The Great Dust Bowl. Written by Karen Hesse, the novel Out of the Dust tells the story of a young girl and her family as they struggle to survive through The Great Dust Bowl. At first, Billy Jo’s life is as normal as any girl living during this time, but a series of unfortunate events leads to the loss of a loved one. She wakes up every morning to the feeling of loneliness and sorrow as her relationship with her father blows away in the dust. Without a doubt, Billy Jo faces many life changing conflicts, including the guilt of accidentally killing her mother, horrible dust storms, and an unstable relationship with her father.

Answer 2

Most people believe (that) their everyday life is full of many treacherous problems, but compared to the life of a young girl living during the The Great Dust Bowl, their problems pale in comparison.
Written by Karen Hesse, the novel Out of the Dust tells the story of a young girl and her family as they struggle to survive through The Great Dust Bowl. At first, Billy Jo’s life is as normal as any girl living during The Great Dust Bowl, but a series of unfortunate events (will) lead to the loss of a loved one, making Billy Jo’s life more difficult then it already is.
Aside from the loss (of a loved one), she must face (the) waking up every morning to the feeling of loneliness and sorrow as her relationship with her father erodes away in the dust.
Without a doubt, in the novel Out of the Dust, Billy Jo faces many life changing conflicts, including the guilt of accidentally killing her mother, horrible dust storms, and an unstable relationship with her father.


Perhaps a few wasted words ( ) otherwise well written.

Answer 3

My suggestions:

Children growing up today have to face many challenges. But compared to the life of a young girl struggling to survive during the early 1930's, modern day problems pale in comparison. Written by Karen Hesse, the novel Out of the Dust tells the story of a young girl and her family as they struggle to survive through one of the most difficult times of the great depression - the Dust Bowl. At first, Billy Jo’s life is as normal as would be expected of any child living during the Dust Bowl, but several unfortunate events which eventually lead to the loss of a loved one, made Billy Jo’s life more significantly more difficult than the average child of the time. Aside from the loss of a loved one, she faced waking up every morning to the feeling of loneliness and sorrow as her relationship with her father erodes away in the proverbial dust. In addition to the loss of her father, which played an important role in her coming of age in a difficult time, Billy Jo struggled with other life changing conflicts, including the guilt of accidentally killing her mother and surviving horrible dust storms. This is a story not only of a child of the depression, but a child who must grow up too fast by being forced to deal with all too difficult life crises.

I would suggest making some small changes to make it your own voice.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Try this .....

Most people believe that their lives are full of challenges, but their problems pale in comparison to those in the life of a young girl living during the The Great Dust Bowl (could you use Great Depression insted of Dust Bowl???). Written by Karen Hesse, the novel Out of the Dust tells the story of a young girl and her family as they struggle to survive. At first, Billy Jo’s life is as normal as that of any girl living at that time, but a series of unfortunate events lead to the loss of a loved one, making her life more difficult than it already is. In addition to the loss of a loved one, she wakes up every morning feeling lonely and sad as her relationship with her father erodes in the dust. Undoubtedly, in Out of the Dust, Billy Jo faces multiple life-changing conflicts, including the guilt of accidentally killing her mother, horrible dust storms, and an unstable relationship with her father.

I hope this helps.

Answer 5

Seems pretty good, but I think you do a little too much narrating, your pragraph is mainly summarizing the book, which I would suggest you not doing. You can summarize a few major aspects of the book, but should avoid it. The intro paragraph's purpose is to lure the reader into getting interested, not "spoiling" the book. Also, I would imagine that the audience already read the book and too much summary would make them feel stupid and look redundant. I would suggest that you start your paragraph in a general sense, meaning talk about how the people during that time lived and what their problems are, then slowly introduce the character in the book and how she fits into it. Otherwise, your paragraph is decent, but there are some grammatical errors that you should fix. Also the majority of essays should not be written as if it is fact, such as your "without a doubt" phrase suggests. Your essay is to provide an interpretation, which you should do, but do not use the tone as if it is the truth. But keep up the good work.

Answer 6

It's as simple as introducing the topic. The last line of your intro paragraph should be your thesis, which should include the point being made in your body paragraphs. Before that, should be a general introduction to your topic: what air pollution is, and why you're writing about it. Why is this important? Introduce it the same way you would to someone who you were describing your paper to, but in more formal terms. Good luck!

Answer 7

excellent. I haven't read that book but your intro has interested me so much that I may do that. Well done.

Answer 8

HEY EVERYONE! read that book now! its great and sad at the same time.