How can I change this?

Question

I am very interested in Dom/sub lifestyle but I have come across a huge problem anytime I try to initiate this in a relationship.

The type of submission I am interested in is that of a Gorean pleasure slave (When I say "pleasure" I do not mean sex. A pleasure slave provides pleasure to her Master be it through cooking, cleaning, sex, or just plain being by his side. Only a sex slave is enslaved purely for sexual gratification.) In Gorean lifestyle, a Master is firm and strict, but is never to be cruel and demanding. What this means is that when a Master and his slave have the proper relationship, his commands and her reactions to them come as easily as a man asking a favor of his friend, the only difference being that she is disciplined if she doesn't submit.

My problem in the past has been one of three reactions.

The first is this: he thinks it is wrong for anyone to ever assume "ownership" or power over another's life and completely refuses.

Second: He accepts but is far too leniant towards me and for the most part unaccepting of all his duties as Master.

Third: He is far too rough and uses the oppurtunity to a power hungry, often sexual advantage.

So far, I have gotten lucky and with the latter two, they have been in trial periods.

How can I introduce this to some one and help them to understand and treat me the way I would like to be treated?

Please don't judge my actions on a mainstream level. I need real help as far as how I can get these men to repect me for who I am.

Answer 1

greetings krys....

There is no easy way to convert a mundane man or even a BDSM Dom into a Gorean. The simplest answer is to find a Gorean man and beg to serve him as his slave. Finding the real thing who wishes a new slave to train or own is very hard. Finding players and pretenders, especially on-line is not hard. Telling the difference without experience is also not easy.

I know of very few cases where a man really became Gorean and her Master because of love for the woman who would become his slave. Usually they just pretend for a while, hoping she will get tired of the game and go on to something else and they can go back to being what they were. Most men are unwilling to put as much effort into learning to master a slave as the slave is in learning to be a slave.

Read the Gorean email lists and their archives for knowledge and information and for people who considered Gorean across several lists, not just big shots on only one list, and ask their help in finding what you seek. The men are out there, but we are few and most are not looking for slaves.

If you don't already know the GoreanWhispers web site, start there and also check into the Monday night IRC chats as a place to meet people who do live as Goreans offline but still get online on occasion.

Answer 2

I don't think that you can make someone a Gorean who doesn't already have a sense of that within them. Many have had the experiences you've had, and it can be quite awkward to bring up with someone who is not already involved in Gor in some manner.

Most find an ideal counterpart (either Master or slave), by getting involved in a community in some regard, and then getting to know people the same way you would anyone in the regular vanilla world, and seeing what works for you (and the other person, for that matter).

I wish you luck in your search for what fits for you.

Answer 3

Wow, sounds interesting. Okay as for me that would not make me uncomfortable, I would actually accept it, but hay that's me. I applaud you for being up front about what you want. Hope you find that person....

Answer 4

ask him what he wants.