He wants to meet for coffee or dinner to talk about it, I've always semi-joked with my husband about it but he's never confirmed it, and my husband does seem like he might be upset if it were true. I don't want my brother in law to feel like he has to hide from his brother, and I don't want to provoke anything. I wish he could live his life as he wants, but I don't know if I should encourage this or stay out of it. I figure I'll just wait til he is ready to tell my brother, but I don't think that time will ever come. Is he coming to me so that I'll tell my husband?
2006-11-28 12:39:46 · 22 answers · asked by Mompoet 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
That's a hard one. On the one hand if you know before your husband, and he finds out you have been keeping this from him or didn't prepare him, he may be upset. I am sure your brother in law is testing the water with you to maybe help him tell your husband. Your brother in law is gay, that's the way it is, it will never change and the sooner your husband finds out the better. Sure a lot of people get upset over this issue, but you would be surprised at how supportive your husband will become. Your brother in law needs to be able to be himself out in the open, and I hate that you are stuck in the middle. You will have to feel your way through this one very carefully. Good Luck!
2006-11-28 12:47:34 · answer #1 · answered by nil8_360 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I don't think you have to tell your spouse everything that you learn about. There are some things he should just find out for himself. It sounds like you and your brother in lawa have pretty good relationship and he trusts you like a sister. Do not betray a confidence, dear. It is not becoming of a nice woman who has been given such a responsibility in life.
Married people should not feel they have to break confidences of friends or relatives just because they are married. Being married does not mean you give up you individuality totally -- including your responsibility to other people in your life. If your brother in law were your own brother, would you still talk this over with your husband? It would be none of his business. And for right now, your brother in law's secret is none of your husband's business.
2006-11-28 17:45:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is practicing on you because he trusts you. Perhaps you are the safest person he knows to share this news and he's not ready to face his family. I don't think you should tell your husband, and don't let him talk you into telling his brother. I would simply listen, and then tell him that you don't keep secrets from your husband and that he needs to share this news with his brother as soon as possible. Its an awkward situation he's putting you in, and I think you would be well within your rights to give him a timeline, say, ok if you haven't told him in two weeks, I will have to. Lets get together on friday and I'll be there for you.
Good luck to your family, your brother in law is obviously a lucky man to have you and he knows it.
2006-11-28 13:02:54 · answer #3 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well if he's afraid of telling his family there would need to be reasons behind it. The rest of the family may not be as comfortable around gays, so he might be afraid that it could destroy the relationship with his family. You'd want to ask him and see if there was any history in the past that would point towards his family disliking homosexuals. But letting them know would be A LOT better for him, and them.
2016-03-29 14:54:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've got quite a challenge here...
I suggest supporting your brother-in-law in whatever he tells you. Tell him he has your support and stand by him.
However, it is his responsibility to discuss this with others, including your husband, if he decides to do so. It is not your responsibility or obligation! He can not use you as a middle-man on this issue! The issue is simply too important!
Be strong for you Brother-in-Law, but don't get used by him to break such news to his birth family. Only he can take those reigns and deal with the information appropriately.
If your husband finds out that you knew before he did, you must simply explain that the information was told to you in confidence and that you felt it was up to your brother-in-law to bring this information into the open on his own and in his own time.
Regards,
Russ
2006-11-28 12:46:21 · answer #5 · answered by RussTik 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
support your brother in law , and keep his ssecret. when your brother in law wants your husband to know he will tell him until then just give him the love and support he needs right now
2006-11-29 00:50:31 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have lunch with him, find out exactly what he wants, and honor it. It's more likely that what he'll want, if he's actually coming out to you, is you to tell him how he can tell your husband or if your husband will really take it as badly as he thinks.
2006-11-28 12:50:17 · answer #7 · answered by GreenEyedLilo 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I know this is your family by marriage but you should just stay out of it. Be happy that your brother-in-law trusted you with his secret and if he wants your husband to know he will tell him. It's not your place to tell your husband. GOOD LUCK!
2006-11-28 12:44:59 · answer #8 · answered by qdeezy 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
You could be right about him wanting you to soften the blow first. We have gays in our family and at first it was really difficult becasue of our religion, but we figure life is too short not to let your love ones know you love and accept them for the way they are even if you do not agree.
2006-11-28 12:47:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anne S 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You stay out of it! -As it is dangerous for your Own Family.
Do not tell your husband. -As it is breach of trust and you will make an Enemy for your self in the Family.
Do not meet your brother in law at 'private' in future.
Do not pursue any argument in this issue in your FAMILY; as soon as the issue raised, live the room, with some excuse.
2006-11-28 12:58:44 · answer #10 · answered by Iranian Amigo 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋