i started it.. but i dont know what you'll think let me kno..?

Question

If you only knew who I really was
So many people don’t know my flaws
I wish I could show you who I really am
How my life is all a scam.

Each morning I walk out my door with a smile
I can only lie for a little while
So many mistakes and too many times I look back
One day this will all end in a brutal attack.

How have I become this monster I don’t even know anymore?
It seems like yesterday I was adored.
What happened to that little girl that would never do any wrong?
When I could come to a place where I would belong.

Families are supposed to be there for you through thick and thin
When that trust is broken, it sends chills all over my skin.
I can’t let that happen to me, I refuse
I do not want to be seen as the person I really am in others views

Answer 1

Actually practically no one in this world knows who they really are. We are not these bodies, minds, jobs, nationalities, color, etc. We are spirit soul. We are in the world called Maya or illusion, which is temporary and full of misery. We need to understand our real purpose and actual identity to be truly happy. Chanting the Maha Mantra will deliver one from all misery and suffering and illusion. It is a simple but powerful process of raising your consciousness. Take responsibility for your life and change your consciousness. You are not a monster only your conditioned self is. We need to rise to our true nature and no one can do that for us. go to stephen-knapp.c for e-books and universal knowledge how to help yourself and write me for the direct link on the Maha mantra process

Answer 2

I read your other poem yesterday, this one is equally as good, it brings out many issues some I could relate to, especially the last verse, yes families are supposed to be there for you in an ideal world, unfortunately this world is not ideal, my daughter has cut me out of her life because of my past negativity, she has not spoken to the "new me", being a writer of poetry myself I too can put down my inner most feelings down on paper, which is a good therapy in it's self, keep the poems coming in they're great.

Answer 3

Brittany, I'm just going to offer some thoughts your poem made occur to me. Some may be off-base, but maybe some will let you know that your situation is very common for young people (and I'm assuming you're young).

First, when you mention your flaws I tend to guess there's the chance you're doing some things these days that may not be good for you and that your family may have no idea about (and would be horrified if they knew). If this is the case, what you need to ask yourself is this: "If it really were good for me would I need to hide what I'm doing from my family?"

Maybe you're at an age where you can't stand your family? Maybe you look at your parents and think how you never want to be like them? Maybe you have a brother or two you can't stand? Maybe they do adolescent boy stuff that's gross? Maybe there's a small sibling who bothers you? Maybe you know your family is good and loving, but the stuff you see them doing just irks you to death right now? Maybe your mother or father is on your back about something you think they shouldn't be? Maybe someone went through your stuff?

What happened to the little girl who would never do any wrong is this: She grew older, and even though she's grown up enough to need to figure out who she is and figure out what is fun or good to do and what isn't, the fact is her brain still isn't finished developing (the pre-frontal cortex can take until mid-twenties to finish maturing). As a result, this almost-but-not-really-grown up girl is operating from a brain that isn't quite finished and that makes her see the world and herself in a way that may be a little different than how things and she really are.

When people are teenagers or even early 20's (although less so) they feel invincible. They feel insecure about whether they're cool or popular or in the in-crowd. They feel insecure if they don't look like fashion models or movie stars. They obsess over their hair or noses or knees or freckles - and because they often aren't what they wish they could be they are unhappy.

They sometimes want desperately to be completely grown, to show the world what kind of life they can build for themselves, and to be everything they want to be. Sometimes, though, what a teenager wishes she could be may be different than what someone more mature would want to be. A teenager may want to be out all night every night, doing drugs and having the "freedom" to just be with friends and have fun. The same person (if she doesn't get too involved with drugs, which could slow down her maturing process) a few years later may imagine herself a working career-girl with a nice apartment and a handsome boyfriend.

As you know, there are struggles between teenagers and parents. Teenagers have a tendency to be depressed. Parents have a tendency to be scared to death that "that little girl" will do something to destroy her life or her future.

Young people can so desperately want to feel grown up they may do things just to show themselves they are. Sometimes, too, young people are naive and buy it when "the world" sends messages like "everyone has sex on the first date" or "everyone does drugs" or "its cool to have a nose ring". Sometimes a young person gets the messages from "the world" and different messages from their family, and they need to decide which messages to go with. Since friends who don't criticize are in "the world" and parents who argue with you are in the home; there can be a tendency to find comfort in listening to the messages "the world" sends. After all, "the world" says do anything. Everything is cool. You aren't cool if you don't live it up and be wild. Your parents hope you'll have some self-restraint and only do positive things. Maybe that little girl has listened to "the world"; and the fastest way to lose little girls is when they start to listen to "the world".

If you're a wonderful, good, solid, kind, person on the inside and people don't see it maybe you need to start showing that person. If, on the other hand, you're doing things you know you cannot be proud of, maybe you should ask this: "Think about that little girl who was once, say, four years old. Look at her in your mind. Ask if this is what you want for her or if this is what she deserves."

Why are you calling yourself a "monster"? Are you thinking some reasonably minor thing you've done is so wrong in the eyes of your parents it makes you a monster? Or is there really something serious and angry you have that makes you feel like a monster? Sometimes parents can make kids feel way too guilty of relatively minor things they do wrong. Is that what's going on?

To be honest (and, again, I could be wrong), I have the feeling you have become someone you don't like (obviously, since you don't want others to see the real you). Maybe, though, because you're young you just don't have the strength it requires to stand up to "the world" and refuse to do some of what many people are doing. One of the most important things young people need to know is that while, of course, they need to aim to do what is healthy and positive for their life, young people often do stupid things just because they're young. Too many young people are too unable to step back and say, "I mess up because I'm young" because they believe they're all grown up.

If your family has failed you, chances are it wasn't that they wanted to. Maybe they didn't know how not to or else were not able to do whatever it is you wanted someone to do?

While the way you feel is pretty common among young people (especially those from nice families when the young person is faced with some of the choices young people are forced to deal with today), it is absolutely not healthy for you. You still have some emotional growing to do, and it won't happen as long as you're all this miserable.

Think about finding a counselor (even, as I said, if you start with the school counselor). Your friends aren't enough to help you deal with this, and obviously your family isn't likely to be able to help you right now. If you call yourself a monster that you don't know any more that should tell you you need to get some sensible, mature, help from someone.

So often these days young people have a "secret life" that the fall into as a result of the drugs, sex, and other foolishness that goes on today and that didn't go on in previous generations.

Finally, just remember one thing: That little girl who wouldn't do anything wrong wouldn't do anything wrong because she was at an age when she wasn't having any urges to do anything wrong. Her life was more sheltered and simple. Her brain was even simpler, as were her emotional needs. Brittany, that little girl is still there. She's just going through a time right now. Your job is to make sure that you start to do a few things that may help you find her and get her back and ok before she is lost forever.

The fact that you wrote the verse says that that little girl is there, writing a verse, and wanting some kind of help from someone. Maybe it is precisely because that little girl was and is so adored that her family may be scared to death right now about whatever is going on and not able to just relax and show how much they adore her. Maybe, too, she is doing some things that aren't all that admirable right now; and even if her family doesn't know exactly what she is doing, they probably have a rough idea that she's got some kind of thing going behind the scenes.

When I was going from being a little girl to an adult I had the luxury of bringing that little girl along with me right on up to the present time (and I have grown kids). The reason I was able to hang onto that spirited and happy little girl was that I never got involved with the kind of stuff that today's teens so often get involved with. That stuff wasn't around when I was young. Smoking cigarettes was the worst thing kids did, or else the boys drank beer on Friday nights.

The things that are out there today for young people to have to make decisions about are serious and ugly things that go way beyond sneaking a couple of cigarettes or drinking at the sand pit on Friday night. I'm not sure a whole lot of "little girls" get to survive what's out there these days; but I can tell you that, as old as I am and with having gone through all kinds of sad things in my life, one of the things that keeps me going is the fact that I got to always have "that little girl" I used to be with me, keeping me young and positive.

Re-think some of the things you're doing. Talk to a trusted, competent, sensible, adult like a counselor. Do whatever it takes to find "that little girl" even in small ways - just keep her alive in your heart and mind, and take good care of her.

If you really feel super, super, misunderstood and horrible why not ask a school counselor if he/she could recommend an outside counselor who may help you.

Answer 4

huh???