I need a woman's perspective on being fickle and wishy washy?

Question

I've known her for nine months. We've been very serious for the past month.

For the past three weeks, the plan was for her to get out of her place and move in with me. We ruled against ditching my place and moving into hers, since her place costs a lot more. She also talked about getting a regular job up here and quiting her contract (she's originally from out of town) The idea was save money, pay her debts, and get into a position to buy a place of our own. Over the past couple days, we've been planning on what we keep, and what we sell.

Now, out of the blue, she says that its all about me and what I want. She's talking about how she has to get rid of her place and move in with me, and everything she is sacrificing. She now wants to keep her place, rent out a room, and both of us keep our seperate places. She even spoke of not working here and going back to her old job in her old town.

She says I didn't do or say anything wrong, but where is all of this coming from?

I guess I should clarify a few points. One, she was moving in with me rent free. I didn't want her to pay me a dime. She has over $10,000 in debts, and I wanted to put her in a position to get those paid off by getting rid of her $2700 a month mortgage she currrently has. Two, she is lined up for a job with a company that is a client of the firm that I work for. She would be getting into a new position that would pay her more than what she is making at her old position.

Answer 1

yeah, i would just move back to my original place get away from her.

Answer 2

First for a woman to move in with a man-give up her place, quitting her job--Giving Up Her Security-involves not so much as wanting to and being commited,loveing the man, BUT TRUST that you,the man will not somehow disappoint and with her security gone she'll practically be on the treet before she gets situated again. Plainly,she is scared. Even though you have known her for 9mos you've only been serious for 1mo-not a very long time actually to build that kind of trust. To talk about it and actually doing-big difference. The same cold feet people get before marriage-putting your entire being,physical emotional mental safety in the hands of another person. If she is important to you then you need to wait until she is ready-for to rush this would be foolish.When she is ready she will know and she will let you know. If this relationship IS The REAl Thing then it will survive by putting on hold living together, even her going back to her old job. If it doesn't then it was not meant to weather all obstacles and you are both better off. You should both save your money and then when both ready buy a place that belongs to both Good Luck

Answer 3

Sounds like she could be feeling a little apprehensive about all this. Moving in with a boyfriend is a big step. And if a woman's apprehensive about something she will act a bit different. S he probably won't confide in you, but try a make her. I don't know how close you guys are.

It's kinda hard to say why she may have had a change of heart, but this is the most effective reason from what I see in her actions.

Love live life
-Candy

Answer 4

She simply had a change of heart/mind. I guess you never change your mind about things do you? Obviously she enjoyed where she was and what she was doing and decided not to give up HER life to accomodate your's, she is well within her rights to do so since you're not married, not even engaged and the only "committment" made is that you have talked about gettting a house together, (which if you're both single is NOT something you really should do), she probably thought better of that idea since getting a house together requires contracts and if something happened to your relationship being single one could just walk away leaving the other one responsible for the entire monthly mortgage on the house. She seems to have a better head on HER shoulders than you do as she is not only "covering her butt" but your's as well.

Answer 5

To many women have been burned finacially and having to get things in their own names, by just moving in with the guy, then he kicks her out, and she is left no where to go.
Many women spend many years with men, going half with all the bills, to help make the guy life better, but when they are not marry, he visual other women, cheats, and jealously, hurt, trust, and betrayl is in the way, women usually get the worse end of the stick, while the guy has the place where he and she paid for, with a new girlfriend living there.
Sounds like you need to commit in marriage first, and get rid of both places, and both of your names, get a place together.
why should she or you sacrfice so much just to make your life easier?
It is hard to make your title in a job, and moving on to another job made not be at her best interest or to her future.
Take some marriage counseling together, and work out all the issues before you make that major step!
You think about the whole situation first, before you cont- on with your plans that you assume that would be best.
Is she worthy to you to be your wife, or just to be used to be a pay in roommate for sex?
I am not trying to bash men in general, but reality, most women are ruined emotional, fiancially when they get involved in a situation of just being room mates having sex, and all that money going down the drain, and there is nothing to help her credit score and if you get married, her credit score won' t help yours that it will affected where you might be living or trying to buy a house.

Answer 6

Sounds like this is all moving too fast for her without any serious committment and she is having second thoughts. You should ask her if she questions the path you two are taking and if she thinks things are getting to be too much too fast. Just make sure you two talk and not end up in an argument. And if you are this serious about her, show her by making more of a true committment to her, i.e. a ring. Good luck!

Answer 7

Buying a home together is a HUGE step. The girl is getting cold feet and who can blame her? It's moving too fast for her, just let it ride for a while until the rest of her catches up with what is going on.

Answer 8

It's a big step. She's probably just scared of the future. Try to make her feel more confident about your relationship.

Answer 9

Successful relationships are all about compromise. Give and take. Good luck.