This is my poem so far. I need to make it better and have some comments, but don't be too mean. And if I see this anywhere but on MY posts you will have consequences.
Here it is:
Why go on?
I give you love and you don't give any back.
Why do we go on if it's love that we lack?
When you do this to me I feel shitty inside.
Sometimes so much that I wish I could hide.
When you do this to me I try hard not to cry.
And most of the time I think I should die.
Just stop pretending that you care.
So many lies are too much to bear.
****************
Thanks!
2006-11-28 11:48:05 · 4 answers · asked by Keys 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Music
I do allow emails, so email me @ daniellea2007@yahoo.co.uk, I can help with your poems too!
2006-11-28 12:29:56 · update #1
seems very good so far tell me more
2006-11-28 11:51:32 · answer #1 · answered by patience v 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it good, except for the "shitty inside" line. seems awkward. maybe you can replace shitty with something else.
2006-11-28 11:57:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
then.. maybe recap about the love thing?
just a suggestion
2006-11-28 11:56:09 · answer #3 · answered by uhohspaghettiohohs 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its really good. don't know what to add tho.. c:
2006-11-28 11:50:51 · answer #4 · answered by angelbymistake 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋