Potentially unfaithfull?

Question

What would you do if you found out your husband had put himself on dating sites saying he wasn't married and was looking for fun in the local area. He tells me that he would never cheat on me, but he has lied about things in the past so I don't know what to think.
If it was just me and him i would probably leave but we have kids together. We had a talk about being unfaithful the other day and he said although he has had offers he loves me too much to actually do anything. To make matters worse I have met someone who knows I'm married but still wants to see me.
I'm so confused at the moment, is hubby just being really sad offering himself to get some attention.
I have told him that if either of us ever cheated on the other that would be it, but he always says he loves me.

I'm so confused...

In response to Arthur W's answer.
I had a miscarriage a few months ago and suffered badly physically. I ask him how he feels about it but won't talk, he just says he is supporting me and his feelings don't come into it.
My insecurities are because we met online, he was living with his ex (though they wern't in a relationship) and he upped and left to come be with me. I didn't know he was living with her at the time though.

Answer 1

Sounds like there is a unknown problem here we are not getting. To have two married adults on the verge of adultery tells me there is more here, that you two may have been having problems long before this. It sounds like you have lost trust in him and by thinking of a possible affair,is a way to get back at him or at least is your way of showing him that you can do it too if he thinks he seeing whats available out here. You two seem to be staying together for the sake of the kids and and both are really unhappy. Professional help would be recommended here but both of you would have to want to save your marriage and both have to be willing to work at it, or since it seems that you two can still talk to each other then try and work this out between yourselves. Good luck. If Im wrong I strongly apologize.

Answer 2

I think he is wrong in what he did but you should sit down and talk about it. Don't jump to conclusions though, one of my friends has been dating a guy for over two years and has never cheated on him, however a few months ago she signed up for an on-line dating service just to see what it was like, she immediately had offers on the site but after a week lost interest and just stopped going on. Talk to him, if your married you should be able to sit, look him in the eye, and plainly ask any question you need to without feeling guilty. The key is to not feel guilty. I can regretfully say that in the past when I have done something wrong and my girlfriend has confronted me about it, I have turned it around so she felt guilty and stopped asking me. Don’t let him do that to you, if he does he is probably trying to hide something.

On the other hand, with your statement, “To make matters worse I have met someone who knows I'm married but still wants to see me.” It seems as though you are thinking about being unfaithful, in which case if you are, you would be a hypocrite being upset with him for thinking about having an affair. If this is the case, then you both need to talk and probably with a mediator (counseling).

I hope this helps.

Answer 3

Yes l would certainly be confused also !! Maybe he did only put himself on the dating site for fun, who knows. Perhaps he needs more attention than he has been getting from you. Doesn't make it right though !! If he has assured you that he loves you and would never cheat, l don't really understand the problem. Or is it now that you have met someone who gives you the attention you crave, you are confused as to your feelings ?? You know where you stand with the cheating issue and you have told your husband the same, so l guess now it's entirely up to you. Do you want to cheat and end your marriage ?? Or do you want to work through your problems ?? Your call.. Good luck

Answer 4

OMG
I am going thru this too. I found out that my husband had a myspace account - it stated that he was unmarried and did not want kids, etc. I was so mad!!! He said his friends put his name & email address up there as a joke, but my husband has lied a lot in the past, I think he is full of it. I recently caught him lying about watching porno. I feel insecure about it, even though I know I shouldn't. We have 2 small kids and I still love him and he says he loves me and would never cheat on me either. But if I were you, I would try to spend more time together, try working it out, because the grass is not always greener on the other side, as they say. I think children need both parents. My husband always says he loves me too. I get confused too. I would not cheat if I were you....if he is cheating it will come out eventually, then you know it's over for sure. Until then you both need to spice up your love life, as do I

Answer 5

The best way to deal with this is to be honest with each other and find out how you got to this point. If he is unhappy in certain areas find out what they are and work on them together- The vow is for Better or Worse. Most people forget that last part and try to take the easy road. Find out how to love each other and be honest (about everything) again. When there are kids especially-Give them the best life there can be- MOM and DAD

Answer 6

These dating sites have a lot to answer for sometimes....good and also bad....as in so easy for marrieds to put themselves on. If he is not looking with intent then why is he there. The fact he is there at all is an emotional betrayal. If he has lied in the past....that is a harsh truth to hang this episode on. Is there a chance of any real communication.....try ....if not then time to walk.

Answer 7

There are 2 reasons people fool around. #1. They are not having their needs met at home, like attention. #2 they like to ruin their life and relationship, they need professional help. But they have to want to get help first.. I feel that mature people can forgive easier. People make mistakes. Work on your relationship. Couples counseling in a group setting is very helpful.

Answer 8

cheating isn't limited to different halves - husbands do it, too. the excuses are assorted yet there are some extra consumer-friendly ones: one million. Boredom 2. overlook 3. Married too quickly or too youthful 4. intercourse existence isn't satisfying 5. Selfishness 6. they're now no longer in love with their companion yet for in spite of reason they decline to depart/separate/break up. universal, i think of cheating is a egocentric element to do. maximum cheaters never supply as much as think of approximately all the lives they'll influence via their egocentric habit. Infidelity destroys marriages besides as friendships and family relationships. some people cheat because of the fact they're finding for some thing. the subject is that maximum people who try this do no longer understand that they could desire to seek interior rather of attempting to locate somebody else to keep or heal them. cheating is egocentric and self-serving. undeniable and straightforward. the excuses for it are many yet *none* are justifiable.

Answer 9

Why does love hurt so much? Tell him you are going to see a Solicitor about separating and getting a divorce so that he will no longer have to lie to other women about his marital status. Also that you will make arrangements for him to have the children every week-end so that this will leave you free to go on dates yourself. Tell him that you will require maintenance for both you and the children and he will be required to provide evidence of his earnings for the Solicitor. This will all be pretence on your part but I hope it will make him realise just what he has to lose. Hope everything works out well for you.

Answer 10

If he is putting himself out there, then he is potentially capable of doing something. I couldn't trust someone who is stepping over the line as far as I am concerned. He has already broken that trust just by saying he isn't married. Good Luck