i had 2 read a book for English and write a poem about it (maybe about 2 lines about each chapter). I have to present it to the class tomorrow & just read it... CAN YOU PLZ EDIT / CHANGE / DO W/E YOU HAVE TO - TO MAKE IT BETTER?
You Can’t March in a Straight Line to Victory{TITLE}
Learning to Seize the Day
Is what stood in Wilhelm’s way
Of an acting career
A Wedding Cheer
A “I love you” from his father
And financial assistance to carry him further
Remaining in the Here-and-Now
Prevented him from the life he would have endowed
But lost in memory
Made him trust one of his “enemies”
Destroy him financially
Disappoint his father
And act unwisely
The death of a stranger
Opened the eyes of this hopeful “actor”
What Becomes of Willhelm
Is left for the reader to find out
Needed: URGENT HELP
Not needed: Someone to tell me to do my own hw b/c I will kill u if u do - I just spent 2 hours writting this wut looks like a simple poem! editing
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0 seconds ago
lost in memory - is from the book... im not gonna change it...
financial assitance - should i change it to coinage
2006-11-28 10:55:57 · 6 answers · asked by BeatyIsInTheEyesOfTheBeholder 1 in Education & Reference ➔ Homework Help
Should I change the last line to :
LEFT FOR THE READER TO LEARN
than find out
2006-11-28 10:56:22 · update #1
How can you kill someone if they tell you to do your own homework? And you did the poem yourself, you didn't ask someone to do it for you.
But, yeah, the poem sounds great. Personally, I wouldn't change anything since poems are more artistic than being grammatically correct. If you feel that you got your artistic point across, then you don't need to change it.
2006-11-28 11:06:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Minor edits:
You Can’t March in a Straight Line to Victory
Learning to seize the day
Is what stood in Wilhelm’s way
Of an acting career
A wedding cheer
An “I love you” from his father
And coinage to carry him further
Remaining in the here-and-now
Kept him from the life endowed
But lost in memory
Made him trust one of his “enemies”
Destroy him financially
Disappoint his father
And act unwisely
The death of a stranger
Opened the eyes of this hopeful “actor”
What Becomes of Willhelm
Is left for the reader...
2006-11-28 11:06:16 · answer #2 · answered by James O 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you did very well with your poem. I have only a few suggestions to make. Financial assistance would sound better if it were changed to coinage. The ending would sound better if worded, is left for the reader to learn. Also "A I love you” should be changed to "An I love you".
2006-11-28 11:02:17 · answer #3 · answered by Lachelle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey! You don't suck at all. That's pretty good. Do you want some picky editing comments?
Should be "An 'I love you' ...
Yes, 'and coinage' would be better than financial assistance. Keeps to the metre better.
I'm not happy with the line "prevented him from the life he would have endowed". To endow someone with something means to give them something.
How about 'banished the life he would have enjoyed'
Looks good.
2006-11-28 11:02:17 · answer #4 · answered by old lady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you need to change anything. It's great it kind of gives you a summary of the book, it's great. Don't change it just make sure everything is spelled right and read it with profoundness that you could figure out something like that from looking at a book. I know it's hard for me to do that with the books my English teacher assigns.
2006-11-28 11:05:02 · answer #5 · answered by odd_person 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok I'll edit it
Marching to Victory or at least our best version of it
Seize the day, don't let anyone stop you
It belongs to you and only you
A career
or would he rather veer?
Ram Dass said Be Here Now
How does it sit on his brow?
Lost in memory
or in his forgetery?
His hopes and dreams float
If they come true would he gloat?
Or drink more beer and bloat?
2006-11-28 11:05:09 · answer #6 · answered by kurticus1024 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋