I just have to say...I am 36 years old and pretty much nothing in my life right now makes much sense.?

Question

I am about to be divorced, I can't have kids, I'm in a temp-job that feels like the time will never be right to turn permanent. Until I get my own place, which is pretty impossible without a permanent job...I am staying with my parents. My step-dad acts like he hates my guts sometimes (always has) and I just feel like being happy again is so out of reach. I wonder what in the world is my purpose ? To make other people appreciate their lives because they may realize how miserable I seem at times ? I feel like I'm just a feather floating around in the wind, wandering aimlessly and just going with the flow...living moment to moment. When I make plans (like to stay married forever and have kids, etc)...well, you see how that turned out. So...any words of wisdom out there for a girl having her pity party tonight ? Oh, and my brother's in jail, I've never met my biological father and my best friend never has time for me now that she has a child...whose sick all the time. I'm just in a rut !

It can always be worse, I know this...I just really don't know what to do with myself. I wasn't happy in my marriage but I'm surely not happy with this lifestyle either. It's still early and I'm being impatient and just getting bored, I know. Anybody else out there feel similar ? I do realize my blessings and I'm lucky to have family to lean on in times like these, I hope I have good health, and I have a roof over my head, a nice vehicle to get me around. Yeah, I'm just being a brat...I suppose. Doesn't everyone have days like these ?

Answer 1

wow, just stop thinking so much about what's wrong and MAKE it right. You control your own life, happiness is a choice. since you have a place to live, save your money and start looking/applying for a new job! go out and make new friends, or try to be there for your friend who is going through a hard time, just as you want her to be there for you. just start moving and things will change...i'm sure everyone has moments of self pity- but they do you NO good.

Answer 2

I have been married for almost 3 years now, we have 2 small kids and now we are living with my husband's parents so we can save for a house. We have not been able to save any money yet. I am around the same age as you.....I have noticed lately that my husband may not be the right one for me. I don't know if its the stress of living with his parents or what? I have only one really close friend who is never around either. My husband always has a lot of friends around him at work, and they call him constantly....I know I am rambling on, but if I leave him, I will be with 2 kids and no friends and a low paying job.....I totally get where you are coming from. I wish I knew how to make new friends, it just seems like with 2 small kids there is never the right time. I feel sort of stuck in my relationship, argh, I am rambling again. I just want you not to feel alone, there are other people who are feeling the same way. I think we both need to keep our heads up and think more positively!! Have a drink of wine, or whatever......good luck to you.

Answer 3

Yes we do all have days like this.

Honey, it WILL get better. I can identify with a lot of what you were saying, not all, but some and I know how you feel. You just feel down right now, which is natural, esp. given all you are dealing with right now. It is a lot.

You have to know that YOU control your destiny, not anyone else. If you truly want to be happy, you can be. Think of all the dreams you have or had in the past and about how to start making them come true. Reach out to other ppl who are in hard places and give back, that will make you feel good and you will be sowing a good seed.

Look at this as a "rebirth" in a sense and that you have so much life ahead of you. Try to see it as an adventure and look for all that you can learn about yourself and others through this. Try and find the positive. We can always find something good if we look hard enough.

I'm sorry for all you are going through. Feel free to email me if you like.

Answer 4

Sit there and go no more pity say I choose life....now think think think what do you want a better job better pay a house you want to live in OK small steps for these goals every day like study part time improve your job prospect or start looking for a new job asap...than look for a place to live even shared flat something you can afford and will make you happy...than look for more friends who have more time join a support group for people who are divorcing and meet women going through your experience...get yourself a support system to love you get a life you adore and think this is a learning process a new step in your life and you will do it all and be happy... hugs and good luck

Answer 5

Pity party exactly! C'mon girl! Get it together! Let's have a pep talk! Do you have a roof over your head?, Do you at least have a job (although temp) to go to?, Are you in jail like your brother? It could be worse you know :) Sure you've heard it before...but let's practice it right now! Stop! Don't look at what you don't have....look at what you do have :) If you go out of your way tonight to do something for someone else, I guarantee you will get the self satisfaction needed to get you out of your rut! Remember this is just a rut, this too shall pass, chalk it up to hormones!!! Just get up and do something for someone else with your heart involved and you will smile again!

Answer 6

Everyone has or is going through hard times. It'll get better for you, these are just temporary problems you are having right now, things won't be like this forever. When I feel like you do, I get in my car and take off for a vacation, even if it's only for 2 days or 2 weeks.... get away for awhile, kick back and relax and do my own thing. Last week I felt like you did but this week is an entirely different story lol I'm going on vacation!

Answer 7

I'm sorry, everyone has pity parties for themselves now and then. You are going thru quite a bit - all at once. Sure, it will effect your morale. I hope things work out for you in the long run. Things can tend to seem stagnant and dark. Never knowing what is in store, try to keep a stiff upper lip and you'll get thru it. I can really relate with you, I've been there alot lately myself. Especially with the holidays coming upon us, its easy to do. Try to do something little for yourself to brighten your spirit. Deal with one thing at a time so as not to overwhelm yourself. When I look at the whole picture, that is when I get depressed like you currently are. It wouldn't hurt to talk with someone - therapist maybe? I hope you get it all in order and things start looking up for you. I am always here if you just need to talk. Take care hun.

Answer 8

If I were in your situation, knowing what I know now, I would go back to school and, once there, if at all possible, I would get into a USAC or another study abroad program and travel and study. There is financial aid available and a lot of opportunity. And it will change your life for good and forever.

Answer 9

Your are at one of life's cross-roads....
Any way you go will take you somewhere... so be positive and look in a direction of the greatest happiness for you. Consider a hobby -- something you have never tried before. Take a class at a community college. Maybe one day you will look back and be impressed with yourself.

Answer 10

You said it yourself, you are in a rut, which means it is temporary. There is more to life than marriage and kids. You just need to find what makes you happy. Keep plugging away and soon you will find what you are looking for.