Should I end this friendship?

Question

So, I did something awful. One of my good friends at school left her email open on my computer, and I know I shouldn't have, but I read one of her emails. She said some really horrible things about me to another friend in it, including some really hurtful things about my mental state (I was recently diagnosed with anxiety disorder). I don't know what to do about this situation. I can't tell her the truth about how I know she talks behind my back, but I'm not sure I want to continue this friendship. I feel really horrible because she had given no indications that she felt this way and I feel like she's generally unsupportive of what I'm going through right now.

I know it was not my business to read this email, but I'm really upset to learn what she really thinks about me. I feel like I'm kind of stuck because I go to school pretty far from my friends and family and because of the nature of my social circle, I see this girl pretty much everyday.

Answer 1

Yes, I think you should definitely end the friendship.

Maybe it was meant for you to read that her e-mail so you could get her out of your life. You don't need people like that in your life, you are way better off without them. :]

Answer 2

First of all you need to make absolutely sure that she was referring to you. Did she call you by name in this email? Does she have any other friends of the same name? Just make sure you have all your facts before you dive in. Once you're sure, the next step is not going to be easy--but I think the best thing you can do is tell her the truth. Say to her something like, "I know I shouldn't have done this, and I'm sorry. Your email is none of my business. However, you left it open on my computer, and I wish I hadn't read what I did, but the truth is, I did read it. And I found some things that you said about me that are really hurtful..."
And then go from there, and call her on the carpet on what she said about you. Be confident of how you feel about all this; don't apologize for yourself or your disorder, b/c you have nothing to apologize for. Don't back down and be submissive just to "fix" the friendship. She needs to know that this behavior is hurtful and wrong. Tell her you value the friendship and you want to keep being friends, but if she wants the same, then some things have to change, starting with her not talking about you behind your back anymore. Lay out your standards for friendship, and be kind and respectful with her...but if she can't change her ways or chooses not to, then I think the best course of action is to back away and find other friends who will be more committed and truthful. Good luck!

Answer 3

Tell her the truth. She was an idiot for leaving her email open on your computer. She either wanted you to find it or she is dumber than dirt. Everyone is curious and though when I am at work I would never read someone else's email, if they left it open on my personal computer I may be tempted, and I am a very honest person, but human like everyone else. It's why there are traffic jams at car accidents, people are naturally curious no matter what the circumstances.

Allot of people are gonna get on their high horses and tell you how horrible one or both of you are, but you both are human and I have heard everyone I know bad mouth their friends at one time or another. I even sometimes complain about my daughter, who I adore, cuz she aggravates me sometimes. If you care about her friendship then talk to her about it and how hurt you feel.
See if you can work it out.

If you don't care about the friendship, just social awkwardness then don't say a word, just cool off toward her and move on. If she asks why just blow her off, no need to get into it, it won't solve anything, just create more awkwardness.

Allot of people are telling you to lie or make snap judgements, hm? Sounds like we are all a little messed up huh?

Answer 4

Wow, the e-mail part is really an issue because she can claim that it was private stuff and all, but I don't think that you should be so close to someone that thinks bad things about you and joke with your anxiety disorder. I know how ignorant and hurtful people can be about that. Still, that's not a reason for acting that way, so maybe you should stay away from that girl for a while and socialize with other people until she realize her mistake. Good luck

Answer 5

Well, I agree reading her email was not a good thing to do. But then again, you now realize that she hasn't been very honest with you. Real friends would tell it to your face even if the truth hurts. And, real friends are dime in a dozen... I say depending on what was said talk to her in private and if she denies it... then she is not a very honest person. Oh, and first apologize for what you did. And, a real friend is supportive during the good and bad times. So your problem with anxiety, she shouldn't be bugged by your confiding in her, she should be supportive if she was a real friend to begin with.

Answer 6

Almost the same the happened to my sister, who also has anxiety issues. She was calling her friend and somehow she ended up hearing a conversation between her bestie and her enemy saying really horrible stuff like how she was ignorant and stupid. She confronted her friend after a lot of persuading and asked her friend why she said those things. It turned out her friend was just a nasty so-and-so and had always hated her.
This may not be the case with your friend but you should talk to her and find out why she said those things and you'll feel a lot better

Answer 7

That is not a friend....Find a new one.

Someone who speaks behind your back about your personal information to others, could care less about how you feel.

And I would definitely mention her e-mail(she should have been more careful to log out, her own fault), and let her know that you understand that she does not like you, and that since she dislikes you; you feel that there is no need to continue the relationship(since there wasn't one to begin with) as friends.

You don't need people like that in your life, are a better person, and there are millions upon millions of people in this world, and I am sure you won't have any difficulty in making new friends.

Answer 8

You can casually stay very cool and start finding other friends. Don't bring up about anything. Until she asks you why are you so cold. If she never brings it up, then you never had a friend to begin with and will always meet people like that in your life .

If she brings it up, your friendship is worth something to her. Discuss it, but don't be upset. Just tell her you came across something she thought was private......and it was by accident...

Answer 9

Rather then arguing with her, ignore her. If she asks to spend time with you, tell her you already have plans. When she crowds around you, move away. She'll realize she did something wrong and perhaps she'll bring it up. Or, you can tell her that you thought it was your e-mail up (since it was your computer in school) and you looked to see what the message was because you didn't remember sending it. Then tell her, you read it and realized, not only were you on the wrong e-mail but that she is very inconsiderate of you and your situation.

Answer 10

If this were me I would just back off the friendship some. I dont think I would completely end it unless you just want to but then she might get suspicious. I would just not tell her things I didnt want her to blab to someone else. I would just assume that she is not a good friend and I would definately not tell her things that she could use against me and make hurtful comments to other people!!

Answer 11

It could just be a joke, but I'm pretty sure that it isn't. You should just end the friendship and if she asks you why, tell her the truth. Even if you lose her as a friend, you can make more friends eventually.