Was I right to be offended?

Question

My family was away, so I spent Thanksgiving weekend alone in San Francisco. I decided to treat myself to a nice dinner at a good restaurant and, knowing that the evening would be busy, I went out at 5 p.m. To my shock, three restaurants in a row refused to seat me, not because they had no tables, but because I was alone. In each one, I was told that they needed to "maximize seating", and thus could not accommodate single diners! Each offered to let me sit at the bar, or at high bar tables (without tablecloths) in the bar area, but none would let me eat in the dining room, even when there were obviously empty tables right in front of me. I couldn't help thinking that if I were a party of three wanting to sit at a table which would accommodate four, they would not have refused me, and I wondered if a man would have been treated the same way. I should add that I had dressed nicely, was well-groomed, and have never been refused service elsewhere.

Answer 1

You're right to be offended - they did do that to you because you were a woman alone, and restaurants tend to discriminate against women who are by themselves.

You should write a polite but firm letter of complaint to the managers of each restaurant - keep the letters short, and to the point, firm but not angry (just like the question you posted above)

You should also write a letter to the San Francisco Chronicle and the San Francisco Examiner, complaining about your experience and also send emails to the restaurant critics at both those papers - maybe they'll do a story about you.

Where I live, in the Harlem neighborhood of New York City's borough of Manhattan, a woman had an experience just like yours.

She went by herself to Pier 2110, one of the nicest restaurants in Harlem and asked for a table. Like you, she was denied service, even though there were tables, she was well dressed and polite and it was before the dinner hour.

But that lady was a writer for AM New York, a widely read newspaper in New York City.

And she wrote an article blasting Pier 2110 for denying her service.

Maybe you could do the same for these establishments

Answer 2

Yes you were right to be offended, especially if there were empty tables and no line. At most you would have spent 30 to 40 minutes depending on how fast they fixed the food. They would have turned your table over faster than they could turn a table with two or more.

I would file a formal complaint with each restaurant, and escalate it to the corporate office(s) if any are part of a chain. I would also contact your local television investigative reporter and let them know what happened, as well as send a letter to the editor of your local newspaper(s) listing all of the offending restaurants. I would also mention the restaurant that did seat you so it doesn't appear you are only complaining.

As another single female that occasionally dines out alone, I understand what you went through and the resulting anger. Take action and get even!

Answer 3

I used to work for a great restaurant and during holidays all tables are reserved. Try calling a couple weeks ahead and I am sure they will have no problem seating you even if it's just 1 person. The empty tables might have been reserved weeks in advance. Do not take it personal. A good tip is to become a regular at a place that you like and become friends with the maitre d' or the owner. There is always things that can be done to accomodate a regular customer. Making a reservation is always great, you will be able to cut through any line like a celebrity! :)

Answer 4

They were a privately owned establishment and can basically do what they want for optimum business. I actually prefer to sit at the bar if I'm alone. I just feel odd sitting at a table by myself. You can make a complaint to the management if you wish, but it was likely their decision to implement that policy. You can protest them by not going there anymore AND tell all your friends about the poor service so that none of them go.

In the future, you might want to try a tactic....
Say that your friend is arriving shortly and you would like to be seated (not all place will seat partial groups). Sit down, order a water for yourself and a "drink" (could be a drink you want, or just a coke) for your friend. Mention something that your friend said not to wait to order if you are hungry and order your own meal. If the place is not full yet, probably won't take long to cook your meal. By the time they figure out nobody is coming, you'll have most of your meal eaten. You can always pretend to talk on your cel phone and tell them your friend just had car trouble or something that requires your assistance. Ask for your check, finish your meal, drink the other drink if you want, and leave.

Answer 5

Ok think of it this way. You sit down at a big table, no one else can sit there, if a family of 6 comes buy and needs that last table, YOU took it, then they have to turn 6 people away. They offered you a set, and it wasn't discrimination, so what exactly are you offended about. If you didn't want to sit at the bar or high tables you could have either talked to management, or left. I'm not making fun, I'm actually curious.

Answer 6

Yes, I do think it is understandable to be offended. By refusing you service, these restaurants are making a statement of profits over customer service and respect. They are also discriminating against single people, while it is just as probable that you could spend more splurging on yourself as a couple may spend together.

While it is not illegal for them to do that (assuming they are privately owned restaurants), it is not a "good" and, as far as I know, not a common practice. If the restaurants are chains or backed by a larger corporation, I recommend you write a polite letter to their regional manager stating your situation and letting them know that you felt offended by this practice. It is possible that this practice was not known by the corporation, and at the very least you will be letting them know. At the best, I hope they offer you an apology and perhaps compensation.

Answer 7

Yes you have a right to be offended. Restaurants have become greedy and are looking at you as a money maker.

If I were in that situation - I might have said that I needed a table for 2 and that a "friend" would be meeting me soon. When my "so-called friend" didn't show up I would proceed to order a meal anyways. I'd like to see them kick you out or refuse service once they've seated you.

Answer 8

Wow! That is really offensive and you are completely right to feel that way.

I am a single woman and I know I am treated differently because of my status so I know how you feel.

But don't give up! If this ever happens to you again should speak directly to the person in charge whether that person is the manager or the owner (anyway, I mean whoever is at the top and so he can't pass the buck) and explain to him that this is discrimination and cannot be tolerated.

Good luck!

Answer 9

Resturants are all about money [obviously] & around Holidays, you better believe they are gonna be rude and crude about things like that. They wanna bring in money-money-money, so a table of 5 is going to bring in more money than just one person. They did offer you a place to sit, were others there? Men included I'm sure. I wouldve taken the offer, you might of met a few good people, especially the bartender, theyre always nice.

Answer 10

I have had this same thing happen to me. I have not been turned away from restaurants but I have been told that they would seat groups of people even if they came in after me because I was alone. I think this is discrimination against single women. The next time it happens I will write a letter to the corporate headquarters of the offending restaurant and let them know that they have offended me by turning away my money and that single women are a growing financial asset to this country. They are turning away what might prove to be the largest growing group of cash carriers in the country! YES YOU ARE RIGHT TO BE OFFENDED. I AM!