Upsetting trend in our behavior developing?

Question

Did anyone read roachy’s question earlier about taking a photo of his daughter’s first time in the swimming pool. He was accused of being a pedophile by one of the staff
That was shocking and I want to keep this subject alive because the world has gone mad. So many guys are suffering this ignominy nowadays and it hurts
Read my incident

I'm one of the few dads where I live who goes out on the square and plays with my kid and also his friends when they join in. I organise them into a game or do some spin arounds the way little kids like. Have done so for a couple of years and seen the kids all growing up and had them in and out of the house with an open door policy and it’s been great.
One day recently though I was out play fighting with my boy One of his little girl friends wanted to join in and we had a great laugh the two of them hanging off me while I tried to escape. Then a fella who had been looking over for a while (her dad I think or an uncle possibly) who I'd never seen out playing with the girl in the last 2 years that I've had her in and out of my house, calls her away and stops her game and makes her play in her front garden instead. Just like that. No stroll over and introduce himself and find out how his daughter knows me. No, no courtesy at all. Just an accusing eye, and accusing mind and an action that cut me really deep, because I knew exactly what was going through his mind and it made me feel sick and physically upset me to the point that I had to go inside and go to bed
He didn't seem to care where his daughter was for two years when he's getting free child minding in mine and everyone else’s houses at the weekend and evenings while he goes to the pub and doesn't play with her
Actually writing about this now is bringing it all back and I remember how painful it felt to know what he was thinking of me. Do you know to this day I still haven't been able to go back out and play with all the kids together again no matter how many times my kid asks me I just can’t do it and that makes me really sad
Why are people so insular now that they would rather think that of me than get to know me as a neighbour
It is sickening

So am I right or am I oversensitive to the issue ?

No CHICA it's a good suggestion

JANICE
First time I'd ever seen him I only know the mother

No it's not that Phorwanted the mother still sends her over to the my house

Answer 1

I've often thought how hard it must be to be a man these days. Paedophiles are all over the papers, but in reality make up a very tiny minority of the population.

I remember a close friend of mine worrying about giving his little girl a bath. So sad, and so unnecessary.

You have every right to be upset. But it sounds like you are a wonderful Dad, vastly superior to this other jerk, so try to hang on to that.

Of course, as parents, we should be aware of who our kids are with. But simple common sense would tell anyone that a bloke, out in a public place with his own child and getting pulled from pillar to post by kids who are clearly loving every second is hardly likely to be up to anything sinister.

And that's the problem - too little common sense, and too many dog-eared copies of The Sun about the place. It is a sad fact of our society, and, if it's any comfort at all, huge numbers of men everywhere have been made to feel the way you did.

That's what I reckon, anyway.

Answer 2

I think youre right, but at the same time, I know every man my daughter plays around and watch them pretty carefully until I have come to trust them enough to be alone with her and her friends.
Child molestation is a horrible thing to be accused of, but you can never fault a parent for trying to protect their kids. I'm sorry to say that your neighbor really didnt protect his child at all and if you were a bad man, it would have been much too late for that little girl.
BUT YOu, you should not feel so insecure that you cant walk right up to your neighbor and put your hand out there...let him know that you are so and so's dad and you frequently hang outside with the kids and dont mind if his kid joins in the play time. Even inviting him on a two-on-two keep away or basket ball would be a good way to break the ice.
Dont isolate yourself, it only makes you look and feel guilty.

PS the movie HARD CANDY was eerie and on topic.

Answer 3

You are right.This is such a difficult one though and it makes my head boil.Last week i found out that an old man up the road has been taking pictures of all the girls and has them displayed all over his house(my daughter included).I rang the police and apparently he is perfectly fine to do that,theyre his photos his property.Now i wouldnt start a vigillante group or anything maybe he is a lonley old man but unsettling doesnt even cut it.And as a parent i feel i have no rights as i couldnt take a camera into my daughters primary school to take pictures.It is so difficult to know who to trust these days but its a sad fact that you men get it so much worse and feel the pressure to back away from the fun of being a parent.To me gender makes no difference ive had many close male friends who id trust with my children its a sad thing that this man didnt take the time to approach you.Dont dwell on it.You and your kids know your a good person thats all that counts.The world has indeed gone crazy

Answer 4

You may be. There is the chance the relative of the girl didn't necessarily think you were a pervert. He may have simply been operating on the policy that I always went by, which was that I didn't want my kids in other people's houses (with a few exceptions where I knew the mother really well and knew she was there), and I certainly didn't want them playing with adults. Honestly, I didn't assume that anyone was a pervert. I just always believed it was wise to have a few rules about letting my kids be with other adults, particularly in their house.

Its good sense, and it may well go against a person's instinct about any adult in the neighborhood; but they follow it anyway just because its a wise idea. I don't think they thought you were a pervert.

One other thing, though, and that's that I never wanted anyone "play fighting" with my kids. Your neighbors may not think you were a pervert. They may not have wanted their daughter (or a son if they had one) engaging in that type of play, particularly with an adult. I always called that type of play "stupid play" to be honest. I always preferred my kids do something more constructive; and if they were playing outside with their friends I preferred things like games, bikes, creative play, whatever - just not "wild and stupid play". It just gets them all hyper and crazy, and hyper and crazy isn't helpful in brain building.

So don't be sick or embarrassed or concerned about what happened. They were probably just different types of parents than you are and had other ideas about how they wanted their kid spending her time.

Answer 5

I don't think you are being oversensitive. In general people are more suspicious of men these days when they are around children. I think this has a lot to do with more information being broadcast (quite rightly) about paedophiles etc.

I think we have probably all been guilty of believing the worse of someone because of the way they look or act.

In your situation though, I think the man reacted really unfairly. If his child has been in and out of your house without incident for 2 years, then why should he suddenly be suspicious. He must have a reason, you should go and ask him or see what your son can find out from the girl.

Answer 6

I think its a shame this one incident has stopped you doing what you love and enjoying being a father...what you described reminded me of my childhood having fun with my dad..unfortunately society is very distrust full of each other partly because they feel perverts are every were , not because there are more of them but that they are not punished when caught.so they are free to roam our streets abusing children at will.I think parents need to relax a little (I have 3 kids and worry about them constantly)things have changed beyond recognition but rapping our children in cotton wool will not protect them.Better still would be to teach our kids to be open and honest and feel safe so that if something does happen they aren't too scared to discuss it .Get back out there and be proud that you give time to your kids..they will love you and Cherish the memories forever don't let 1 narrow minded person stop you.

Answer 7

I think you're dead right!! Society is so scared of litigation, it's forgotton what's important in life! I symathise with your situation. I don't know why he didnt' make conversation with you. It was obvious the little girl had been having fun. A simple chat with you may have reassured him that it was safe. As for taking photos of babies in swimming pools, what the hell is wrong with that? I think the people making the accusations are the ones who need to take a long look at themselves. They're being perverted for making an issue out of a totally innocent situation!

Answer 8

First of all, I may have grown up really sheltered and old school, but we should always be introduced to the parents of those children who come into our care.
Second, you might swear he thought of molestation, but he could have just been jealous. I'm not saying you're definitely wrong, but no one who mind reads is right 100% of the time. And yes, we all mind read, including yours truly.
Third, in order to get over this, you need to have the moxi that this man did not have, introduce yourself, and get it out. Those kids are suffering the consequences of his avoidance. And yours, too.

Answer 9

Sometimes I despair. Really I do. The whole system is falling apart because the media are encouraging a climate of fear because keeping us on edge sells more papers and magazines.
People seem to be more judgemental than ever because they are more afraid than ever.
I would rather trust people than think badly of everyone I meet even if there is an element of risk in this.

Answer 10

try reading historical past somewhat. infants have been abused throughout the time of the a while. Sexual abuse won't have had exposure that it does now even though it exchange into there and baby labour exchange into no longer something yet abuse!!! it resides here and now whilst something that occurs everywhere in the worldwide is wide-unfold interior of hours that makes it seem worse. That and the actuality that we now see abuse in issues that until eventually now generations felt particularly appropriate. A father abusing his daughter because of the fact his spouse exchange into no longer able to oblige (pregnant with variety 10 or wiped out by having childrens) or The grasp abusing a youthful servant female. whilst infants went lacking too who even cared!! Do I problem for my infants or destiny grandchildren confident I do yet abuse sexual or in any different case isn't my substantial challenge!!