my best friend is bisexual and he's afraid to tell me. christian help preferably.?

Question

my best friend used to go to school with me. and i used to like him. alot. he started going to public school and got desperate for acceptace. now he's bisexual/gay and he's told my other friend who told me, but he won't tell me personally. why is this and how can i get him to tell me? also how can i convince him that this is all just a phase and that he really isn't bisexual? this is really hurting me. i have to watch my best friend's life fall apart and he won't even tell me what's going on. if i don't help him now, who knows what's gonna happen later. this sounds weird, but how do i make him like just girls again???

please no answers contradicting where i stand on this issue. thanks.

<333

Kelly

Answer 1

Hi Kelly,
I've read everyone's answers, and for the most part they are right-support and love your friend unconditionally. Don't take gossip from another friend that your male friend is bisexual. Yes, it is gossiping if you do not hear it directly from your male friend. And gossip is not Christian behavior, so let's put a stop to "spreading" these rumblings of a rumor right now-let it stop with you.

You need to find out directly from him if he is indeed gay. To be bisexual is probably harder to live with because it's like being caught between a rock and a hard place - not fully belonging anywhere. So, confirm yes or no he is gay.

Another thing that needs to be understood is that homosexuality is not something a person is born into. There is no gene (despite "science" claiming there is) that sets a person gay from day one. It can be learned behavior, but most likely it is brought about by trauma of a sexual nature. Being molested, seduced, raped or exposed to visual experiences that the person can not emotionally handle at the time. It has been shown that the trauma brings about a change in the hormones that causes the person to "freeze" at a specific level of socialization skills. They are never fully mature, but are usually childlike in their emotional state.

So, it's quite possible that if your male friend is gay/bisexual, it is because something traumatic happened to him - which would not be his fault or doing. Keep this in mind when you counsel with him. This effects the hormones which in turn effects the emotions, and the person looses his or her sexual identity.

Cary Grant was homosexual. Hollywood coerced him to marry. His first wife encouraged him to try LSD, which was being experimented by the US government at the time. He went through their program and found that after treatment, he no longer had the homosexual impulses.

I have two male cousins that are gay - both sides of the family. One is by blood who was molested by a male person in his church, and the other was adopted at 6 months of age. We can not confirm his history before adoption as to what he was exposed to. The daughter of Loretta Young had been molested by one of her husbands, and is a lesbian today. I read of a young lady, who at the age of 21 was raped. Her response was to turn to the lesbian lifestyle.

Remember that Jesus instructs us to love the sinner, but to hate the sin. We as Christians are instructed to love God's creatures. God is the one to judge.

So, have compassion for your male friend. Find out what his true stance is, and accept what he has decided. Instruct him as to God's Word on this matter, make your friend aware of the sin and it's consequences, then leave it to God.

I hope you will reconsider your hard standing on this and that your heart is now softened toward your male friend. As far as the friend who told you of this sexual change of your mutual friend, I would have a talk with him/her also. Mention that they mean well, but to spread this information is damaging - as you have directly felt - and that the gossiping must stop.

Kelly, now just take a deep breath and go see your friend!

Answer 2

If you don't want any answers contradiciting where you stand on this issue than you don't really want any honest help. I think maybe you should think about whether your friend knows you have a closed mind on anything that you don't know or understand and that's why he doesn't want to tell you because he knows how your attitude is. You know this really isn't about you, it's about your friend and him trying to come to terms with what he is and being able to live with that whatever it may be. While what he is may affect your life and hurt you it's still going to be him who has to live with himself and resolve the conflict that he feels and that's something you should remember. Some people just are born gay just as you were born a woman and as long as he doesn't try telling you that you should start hitting up other women for dates than maybe you should show a little understanding and try to be a friend to someone who is going through a hard time in his life. If he really is gay you are about as likely to change that as someone is to make you change over to a gay lifestyle and think of how you would feel if someone did try to change your life in that way. I'm sure you do care about this person and are trying to do what you think is right but think about him and just try to be a good and caring friend and don't think you can make him into what you want him to be. Good luck.

Answer 3

All you can do is support him. You may not agree with what he does, but put yourself in his shoes. This is hard for him and hes trying his best to tell you. He may have been afraid to tell you, because he is scared that you will judge him.

Just tell him that you will be there no matter what, and that even though you dont agree with it, just try to accept it. You cant change how he feels.

I'm a christian and I have several bi/gay friends. The bible does say it's wrong, but take religion out of the question. Its about love, not sex.

Also, you can't MAKE someone like just girls, or just guys, you can't. Ask others, more people and some anthropolgists, will agree that its not a personal choice, but its the way that you are born.

Answer 4

Doesn't sound like a friend at all. God made you how you are. I am raised in a Christian household, and I am a male bisexual. I never dated anyone but I know my feelings are true. God made me for who I am. Funny how many people are still bigoted and will use references from the bible. Although, it is not a choice, I know you used that hypothetically, but you know, your friend must be hiding something to.

Answer 5

People are the way they are ,,,, You can't help that and never will be able to ,,,, People like him are going to follow their own path and there's no way to change that either ,,,, I wonder why it's important to you that he admits this to you ,,,, There's any number of reasons why he hasn't up to now ,,,, What ever they are ,,,, you can't change things and if he's chosen this life style then you can't change that either ,,,, You are obviously a true friend though if you are concerned ,,,,, A true friend is a true friend when they know your faults and still likes you any way ,,,,, All you can do is stick by him and be ready to listen and be understanding if at some later date he does talk to you ,,,, Other wise you have to satisfy yourself with just waiting ,,,, You have no control over what takes place good or bad ,,,,

Answer 6

I am a Christian and this is a hard question. All I can say let your friend know you will always accept him for who he is. You can't MAKE someone like girls. You can't make anyone do anything they do not want to do. What if your friend said he want to MAKE you like girls?? This something that they have to realize and see for himself. All you can do is give as much support and love as Christianly possible. Also maybe talk to your pastor about some possible actions you can take. But don't say any thing you don't mean (in terms of acceptance if you don't accept him then don't do anything Christ accepted people as they were and didn't for himself or his ideas on anyone) because that will seriously come back and bite you in the butt if he finds out you are lying.

Answer 7

just ask him if it is true. i know that it's really hard to confront people about things, especially sexuality...but if you really care about him and he really is your best friend, then go for it.

maybe the reason he withheld this from you is that he knew you liked him and he didn't want to hurt him since he's your best friend.

just talk to him and tell him that you support him, even if you don't. i'm sure it's just a phase and that he'll get over it. but he really needs someone to talk to and someone to trust. just be there for him.

you could maybe try setting him up with girls. that could help. or spend more time with him and maybe being around YOU will convince him that he likes girls.

it's a testy subject but try to be as kind as you can.

i hope everything works out for you. and i hope you can help your friend.

Answer 8

Why are you so closed minded. If this person were truly your friend, you would accept them as they are, not how you want them to be. It might not be just a phase, it might be who he really is. Maybe you should write him off, as you are obviously going to do him no good, with your superior being fantasies, and delusions as to how the human mind functions. Why don't you work on getting your own mind straight. Maybe begin by believing in real, tangible things, like people, instead of some imaginary guy in the sky.


Long Live Jambi

Answer 9

You Can't. Gay And Bisexual People Don't Choose To Be, they Are Born That Way, You Can't Force Them To Change. And Yes I Am A Christian But I Believe God Accepts Us No Matter What We Choose.

Answer 10

Your friend wont tell you because he is afraid of the judgement.
You can have your issues with bisexuals or homosexuals, but
if he is really your best friend then you must look past his sexuality into his heart and love him for who he is....not what he does or what sex he prefers.

GOD is the only one whose judgement really matters. It is not up to you to change your friend. It is up to you to be a true friend to your friend. When you die and go to heaven do you think that GOD is going to say........I can't believe you didnt try harder to change that gay guy...... Or do you think that GOD is going to say "I am very proud of you. You put your issues with your friends sexuality aside and you were a true friend. You were there for him when he needed you most." What do you think Jesus would do?? Jesus came to earth for the sinners.......and we are all sinners in one way or another.

I am not discounting how you feel about homosexuality. I am just saying that you should put your issues aside and be a real friend.