How can I get rid of my prejudice views against non-White races?

Question

I grew up living in the country side where the great majority of people were White. I came from a town of just over 1000 people and I married my high school sweetheart. My husband joined the Army and we moved to Fort Bragg where I am not accustomed to the great diversity of people. He left on a deployment and won't be back for another 7 months. I found a boyfriend here mainly for my fear of being alone and I wish to escape this relationship as it is wrong to cheat on my husband. The only problem is how can I open up to different races of people when I never really knew any growing up. I feel I wouldn't know what to say to them or how to act around them. I guess you could say I am a little gun shy. The only thing I ever knoew about different races is what I gathered from TV box and the movies and it gave me such a negative view of non-White people. I just fear that I may cause trouble without knowing that I am doing wrong.

Answer 1

Do what I did, go travelling. It's a bit of an eye opener when you're the only white person in a town.

Answer 2

First, dump the boyfriend. If your husband finds out (and believe me, women have nothing on military men when it comes to gossiping) then your nervousness about other races is the least of your worries.

Second, those non-whites you meet are pretty much in the same boat you're in: you're a long way from home, you're looking for a way to fit in, and you want to make some friends.

Contact the Recreation department (the Navy last I knew called it "Morale, Welfare and Recreation" or MWR, not sure what they call it there) and ask if there's any sports teams or groups that you can join. Get a job at the Exchange where you'll be exposed to people of all races and backgrounds. See if there's a Fil-Am Festival (Filipino), Kwanzaa celebration (African-American), or other kind of cultural festival on-base, and attend.

Go to church even if you're not a believer - not only will that help you get to know people, but the military churches are kind of different from civilian churches, so it's a different perspective on things. You can also talk to the chaplain about the problems you're having and he'll help you find a way to get things sorted out, and you don't have to worry about him chewing you out because of your beliefs (or lack thereof) because military chaplains are non-denominational.

The best way of getting over your prejudices is to face them and find out the truth about the people you're stereotyping. Most people are more than willing to help you understand if you make a sincere effort to reach out. People are always people, and when you learn how to look at the person behind the skin, you'll find that it's really, REALLY hard to see them as just "black", "asian" or "hispanic" ever again.

Answer 3

First it is a good idea not to cheat on your spouse and secondly, the best way to get over all that is to just be around diverse groups of people...if you have friends from all walks of life and experiences then that would help a lot. I grew up in a racially diverse neighborhood and went to schools that were very diverse...just ask people and tell them your background and that you do not mean harm but want to learn...I know there are a lot of people from different background in the military so you have ample opportunity there...I live in Western North Carolina btw but I have been to Fayetteville several times. Join clubs or groups...I know there must be some for military wives...just give yourself the chance to open up and do not be so afraid...hope that helps!

Answer 4

just treat them like individual people. not all blacks are 'gangstas' just like not all white people live in trailers.

and try to stop being such a ho. your husband is GUARANTEED to find out, an when he does you'll probably have to go work for a living, forcing you to deal with all kinds of racial minorities who'lll be able to smell your prejudiced *** a mile away, like an animal smells fear.

and they won't like it.

and i think you'll have to try a little harder than this:
"It appears that nobody cares about a useless jap girl as yourself. You put so much shame on your family and you should jump off a bridge. You are a flea that perpetrates AIDS which you are going to get soon. You are useless to society and have nothing going on except eating dog meat and rice 3 times a day. No wonder your eyes are cross eyed. No More Rice!!!!!
Stop stealing North America's dogs. Actually you are a dog. "
sound familiar skank?

you deserve all the bad stuff coming your way

Answer 5

As one who grew up with a prejudiced father who talked about everyone no matter what they were despite the fact that he was a half breed native american ( the only native american I ever knew to be that way in my entire life) I say open your mind. Broaden your horizons. Realize that once you become of comprehendable age, you have the choice to make up your own mind & conduct yourself the way you choose. Once you become an adult or of comprehensible age, you can no longer blame your conduct upon your parents or those that raised you. Realize that we do not choose the bodies into which we are born. Realize that you cannot judge a whole race based on the actions of one or a few. As one who has had wrong done to me from several different types of people, I say realize that it is not the color of the persons skin that caused them to do what they did, but the content of their character. Realize that you cannot judge a book much less a person from the outside and that by being prejudiced you are only cheating yourself out of what could be a genuine decent friendship or more. I rebelled against my prejudiced father and still stand strong. I will not tolerate any derogatory words or any form of racism in my life period. I have 2 native american, black & white beautiful daughters that I am very proud of because they represent a sign that one day this world will come together as one. Please adhere to my advice and change your point of view. Ive always been fascinated by all the different cultures out there and remain that way.. there has been allot of bad done to allot of us out there...the point is...rise above...pick up the pieces and move on. Its up to you from now on to be the strong one & stand up for what you believe in. May the Great Spirit be with you.

Answer 6

I can relate to you. I lived at Fort Bragg years ago. Our neighbors were Japanese. We were trying to make friends with them, but I had a hard time living by their customs. The women were not allowed to talk when we were together. We had to leave so the men could be alone. I was only 19 (1978) and couldn't figure out why this had to be! They were very nice people, though...the best. I just wish our cultures hadn't clashed.

Answer 7

I grew up surrounded only by white people (I'm also white) and was a little uneasy when I would meet others of different races. But, honestly, I got to know others and I really found they aren't any different. There are cultural differences etc, but deep down we all want and need the same things. I applaud you for recognizing your fear, now act on it and better yourself!!!

Answer 8

First of all -- this Military Retiree (who just happens to be FEMALE) is going to point out what a SCUMMY, bottom-feeding thing it is to do to CHEAT on your spouse when he is Deployed -- there is NO EXCUSE for that conduct -- PERIOD! Do you understand how many times I (or any other officer) had those reporting to us who had to deal (while on deployment no less!) with a Cheating, nasty spouse -- and one that was causing all sorts of grief -- and that is DANGEROUS in the extreme -- to the team he is on, to the unit assigned to, and to the batallion as a whole ...

YOU were NOT gun shy when you went cheating -- and ...

PEOPLE are PEOPLE -- there are good and bad folks of EVERY ethnicity, skin color, sex, national origin, religion, whatever.

BY reaching out to others (and just respecting them as PEOPLE -- that is all you need to do -- just be yourself and kind to others) YOU will grow and OUTGROW the prejudice that you seem to have right now.

The Military is one big community -- and each of us reach out to the others -- and it is TRUE that the Military takes care of its own. THAT does not include the CHEATING SPOUSE!

Answer 9

I'm sorry all I saw in this post is that your husband was deployed and you are cheating on him.Damn,,that's just not good at all.I'm sorry but that just is wrong.Everyone on the base will know about it and your husband will find out too..You need to get a job and concentrate on how to not cheat on your man..That way you can make some friends and get to know other people of all races.

Answer 10

I can relate....I live in the mountains...redneckville...and we have nearly all whites here as well. Just remember, people of different races are people just like me and you are. I doesn't make you a racist...because I have the same problem.....no experience. I don't know how to talk to other races either because I've never been around anyone who wasn't white....and it's scary...Sometimes you don't know what to say because you don't want to offend anyone...I know it all too well. Just be honest and be yourself.